There are so many times as a parent that I struggle... I mean REALLY struggle.... knowing the right thing to do. I wonder if I'm alone in this problem. I process & analyze all issues of life obsessively. So, maybe my parenting struggles in this area are due to that terrible habit. Whatever the cause is, these are just a few of my problems....
Our middle child, Collin, tends to be VERY emotional. He tries so hard to please us. He'd love to NEVER mess up. BUT... sometimes he does. As his mother, I must correct him and lead him to better choices. However, most of the time, I end up hurting his feelings and bruising his ego. I spend countless hours thinking and praying over how to best respond to him. It never fails, though, despite my best intentions, I seem to really fail in many of my encounters with him. Parenting struggles... Just. So. Hard!
Our oldest child, Caleb, has a few issues with responsibility. And by a few, I mean... well, nevermind. I won't disrespect him in that way. :). I'm hoping that this is just an age thing with Caleb. He tunes the world out, and he lives in his own little world. Putting shoes where they belong, leaving the X Box like he found it, or putting a dirty towel in the hamper are useless activities apparently. Every single day, I am faced with the dilemma of how to handle his irresponsibility. Should I press in and insist that he take care of the forgotten chore, or should I practice some grace? I try to balance the two, but I fear that many days I fail. Too. Too. Hard!
Claire has recently reached the age where she can be held responsible for her daily actions. And, I try not to compare her with the boys in most areas. She's a girl. And, truly, that just makes things different for her. There are things the boys struggle with that are not an issue for her. But, the boys do some things really well that will never be easy for Claire. They're different! My real struggle with Claire right now is that she could RUN this house if needed. And, although I don't need her to do that just yet, she gives it a good try most days. So, when do I affirm her for her excellent skills of administration and when do I remind her that she's got a good 20 years before her mothering skills will be needed? Do you see?.... Dilemma at every turn.
And, here's the basis for all of the analyzing thoughts. How is what I'm saying & doing TODAY going to affect the lives of my children in the FUTURE? This is a big deal to me. And, I know I can't do every single thing right every minute of the day. But, I want to succeed at the big things. The little struggles of every day seem to bump into my plans and make me wonder (on a regular basis) if THIS ONE mess up is going to be THE thing my children remember about their childhood when they're grown.
I'm just going to admit to you that my anxiety over my children's emotional well being as adults has probably reached a sinful level at times. I understand that God is in complete control, and my worry indicates a level of distrust. Believe me, I have to repent and turn it over to Him regularly.
Scotty and I have been through a LOT of counseling hours. And, those hours of counseling have led to many therapeutic conversations of our own. And, there are some things I've come to realize about my own childhood that help me in my parenting today.
First of all, my parents did make some mistakes. Most of the ones that I remember have to do with the way they related to each other. Those mistakes still impacted me. BUT.... when all is said and done, I grew up KNOWING (without a doubt) two things; BOTH of my parents love me more than anything else in this world, and BOTH of my parents are extremely proud of who I am. And, I've been confident of these two things at EVERY SINGLE stage of my life.
Let me tell you.... That goes a long way! Knowing those two things provides the confidence to do just about anything. I'm so grateful for this love & acceptance! Words can't even describe my gratitude. But, thank you, Mom & Dad, for leading me to Christ, for being my first cheerleaders, and for proving that UNCONDITIONAL love truly covers our mess ups.
So, I still make mistakes daily in parenting. I still wonder if I've handled each difficult situation correctly. I'm still confident that my children will each have a list of Mom's failures to present to their own therapists. BUT... I love them with all of my heart. And, I'm trying each day to TELL them that with my words & my actions. I never want them to doubt that.
I'm extremely proud of the people they are growing up to be. All three of them amaze me with their gifts and abilities. I do not want them to ever have to wonder about that. I never want them to feel that they have to DO something amazing to impress me. I want them to be confident that I'm simply proud of WHO they are. They are incredible little beings!
It's a journey & a process. It's one of the MAJOR areas of life that God keeps me knowing that apart from Him, I can do NOTHING. So, I'll carry on! I'll seek Him in my mothering, because He knows much more than I know about what my children need. And, when I mess up, as I will continue to do, I'll trust that HIS Word is true...
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
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