Freedom

Looking back at the words God has given me over the last 9 years has been extremely insightful. I've journaled and prayed over them many times this month. Each time, I am struck by a new revelation. 

God is good!

He is sovereign and kind. 

And, He is very, very present. 

Believing and receiving caused me to pay attention to His presence in the moments of my life. The words He spoke over me during the next three years encouraged me to allow His presence to transform. 

Goodness, I wish transformation was easy. 

In 2018, I claimed the word "freedom" for my year. Y'all, I was excited! I went straight to Galatians 5:1, For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and don't submit again to a yoke of slavery, and decided I was all in for this freedom if Christ died to give it. What could be better?

First things first, I searched for a book to read. (If you don't know this about me already, you should know that reading to learn has become one of my favorite hobbies. I don't even care if that makes me a nerdy type.) I found You Are Free by Rebekah Lyons and read things like, 

You weren't made to keep up. You were made to be free. To be who you already are.

Calling is where our talents and burdens collide.

You cannot see the unknown until you release the known. 

When we become enslaved to anything, we miss out on a life of surrender and peace.

We cannot prioritize our doing before being, our assignment before healing, our service before freedom. 

All of this sounded exciting and freeing, and (if I'm honest) scary. I'd never really thought that I wasn't free. I became a Christian when I was 7. My personal testimony doesn't include a life enslaved to sin prior to meeting Jesus. I mean, there's not a lot of trouble one can get into during the first 6 years of life. In every spiritual way possible, I felt I was completely free. Still, though, I felt I was missing out on the fullness of the freedom Paul described to the Galatians. 

I can't say I recorded tons of liberating moments that year, but God and I began a journey in 2018 that has been ongoing since then. Together, we've addressed a number of invisible chains that kept me bound to good things at the expense of better things. 

As it turns out, freedom's journey has to wind in and out of dark, lonely, and difficult places. It seems I wouldn't willingly give up good for better until the good way became unbearable. In the years to follow, I would gain firsthand experience in the way of the Israelites. I used to have so much difficulty understanding why they would ever want to go back to Egypt where they were slaves. 

Well, I figured it out! In the uncertainty and wide open space of new freedom, former slaves are afraid! I came face to face with that fear but didn't realize that's what it was. Therefore, suppressed fear escalated to anxiety in a hurry, and I just didn't know what to do with freedom. So, 

I hid, (sorry, now friends! I didn't know I needed you.)

I grasped for control in areas I had no control. (sorry, kids! Invoice me for your therapy.)

I denied that I needed help navigating the newness of freedom's life. 

I won't spoil upcoming words and messages. Of course, God had a plan all along. But, I want to speak the truth that freedom is what we were made for. It is for freedom that Jesus set us free. That doesn't mean it won't cost us something. I think that's why Paul included the second portion of the verse, "stand firm and don't submit again to the yoke of slavery." 

Jesus paid the ultimate price to set me free! And, I will have to fight to keep it. The world, busy-ness of life, even religion will try to steal my freedom and keep me striving. No, thank you! I'll keep fighting freedom's fight. 

Receive

Every year, I try to something to celebrate the season of Advent. This year, my choice was a no-brainer. My favorite podcaster, Annie F. Downs, has offered a brief Advent podcast every, single morning during the 4 weeks of Advent. She has led me well through hope, peace, and now joy. 

This morning, Annie encouraged listeners to be bearers of joy. I don't know how that command lands on your ears. This morning, I heard it with a sense of excitement. Honestly, though, just yesterday I might have wanted to scream, "Shut up," to my sweet friend and then end the podcast. I'm glad I was able to listen, because I absolutely loved this picture of carrying, or bearing, joy. 

Annie recounted the year Atlanta, GA, hosted the olympics. Because she grew up in GA, she had a vivid memory of watching the torch-bearers run throughout Georgia carrying the Olympic torch. This memory led Annie to ask us the question, "what does a torch-bearer actually do?"

In the olympics or in any other scenario where runners carry torches in relay fashion, they have four major jobs; 

Receive the flame.

Hold it high. 

Follow the course laid out. 

Give the flame away. 

I have to admit that I'm nearly in tears just typing out this very brief message. THIS is the purpose of my life. THIS is what I want to do every, single day from now until my earthly end. THIS is the only thing that fills my life with purpose. 

In the fall of 2016, my year of "believe" was coming to an end. It was the very first year God had given me a word, a mission, and focus for the next year. I desperately hoped He was going to do it again. I started asking Him, and almost immediately He uncovered the word "receive." 

It was weird. 

I was unsure.

It felt very, very, VERY selfish. 

So, of course, I kept asking God for a new word. He kept pointing me back to "receive." I gave in and claimed the word. I'd argued long enough. 

The year was definitely filled with receiving - a new church, a new position for our family, a new role of leadership for me, and a sense of permanence in Florida. It was also the year that set in motion a path that would lead to a spiral of sorts for me. Time constraints, financial restraints, teenagers, and what felt like chaos in every direction for several years exposed a lot (A LOT!) of inner work I'd not done. Then, COVID came. Leading during COVID turned up the heat on any and every imperfection I needed to address. Listen, I'm not proud of the way I handled portions of the last 3 years. In hindsight, I can see that God allowed difficulty to push and press and crush me so that I'd be forced to cooperate with Him for fullness. I reached the very end of myself, and that was a gift. 

As it turns out, true JOY isn't even an option until God is allowed to come in and offer comfort for hurt, peace in chaos, instruction for immaturity, and correction for misunderstanding. 

Today, I'm so glad that God asked me to receive throughout 2017 and beyond. I am praying earnestly right now that I remember all I've received so that I don't have to live the circumstances again. But, I've found a greater connection to God and people. I've discovered emotions and understand that I have to feel them to really enjoy life. I've received the fullness of joy in ways I could never create on my own. 

Now, I get to be a bearer of joy!

I'll never be able to create the flame, but I will put myself in a position to receive it. 

Daily, I get to lift the torch of joy even if it's heavy, or weighty, or difficult. If it were easy, everyone would do it. :) 

I do not have to map out my course, because God is directing my path. 

As often as I can, I will offer the light of my torch to someone else in need of joy. 

What a calling! What a mission! Truly, every step of the journey has been worth it. I pray you receive whatever it is you need today from the only author, creator, and perfecter of your faith. 

Believe!

During a morning quiet time in late 2015, God led me to choose a word for the upcoming year. He didn't urge me to just choose any word. He pointed out a specific word and impressed upon my heart that it would be important for me to live with this word in new and different ways. 

You guessed it! The word He emphasized for me was "believe." 

I was in the middle of Beth Moore's Bible study, "Believing God," and she'd done an amazing job uncovering the meaning of "believe" everywhere I'd read it in the New Testament. I learned that it is typical use in the present participle tense. I also learned that it's the same word used for faith. So, everywhere I saw "believe" and "faith" I started reading "believing" instead. 

Present belief. 

Active belief.

In 2014, my heart and mind fell into a bit of depression. It wasn't a clinical depression, but it was so deep and real. Honestly, my husband was struggling with some darkness, and life for me felt heavy in every direction. I was mad at God, because I was weary in the heaviness. We'd felt it for so long, and I felt I deserved a break. 

My precious Heavenly Father let me whine and complain and argue and fight for a portion of 2014 and most of 2015. Then, He asked me to believe for something new. I was happy to join. He even gave me a verse to recite all year as I working on believing, 

Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. Is. 43:19

I can't adequately describe how hopeful this encounter with God was for me. It was surreal. I experienced Him in more real ways than I ever had before. It felt like a true invitation into something more. 

I was ready!

In February of 2016, Scotty and I began to pray for something more together. In April of 2016, we were headed to FL with the possibility of entering ministry again. I wish I could say that God made everything clear during that trip. Florida was beautiful, and the people we met were amazing. There were also some things that happened that were a little confusing. We had one meeting that made us question and pray a little longer and a little harder. Then, one day as I was praying, I felt God speak to my heart and tell me that what was bothering us was true but God wanted us to go to FL anyway. That confirmation was enough, and by July of 2016 we were all Floridians. 

Hope is a tricky thing. When God uncovers it, there is a sense of pure joy and excitement. Knowing that He has more in store reminds me that I'm on His mind. He cares for me. He wants what is best for me, and I do too! In the excitement of hope, though, it's easy to forget that God's timing is different than my timing. When God uncovers a hope-filled message, it seems like the invitation is immediate. When the joy of hope turns into waiting, hopelessness and even depression can set it. Actually, I have Biblical backing, 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick...  Proverbs 13:12

If I was just believing God for material things, I would expect to have to wait. I'd expect a lesson or two about what really matters in life. No! God gave me dreams of family and ministry and connection and calling. He uncovered longings in my heart to do the kinds of things that leave legacy and change family trees. When He asked me to believe, I went all in. So, when trouble, heartache, more waiting, and unresolved issues continued, my heart became sick. 

There will be more to come on all of this later. I have 6 more words to remember and write on. However, for this Christmas season, I want to remind myself (and maybe you) that God will give hope, but we have to guard it. His hope doesn't disappoint, but we will have to work to sustain it. 

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.  Romans 5:3-5

How in this world do we maintain hope? We fight for it! We remind ourselves where it comes from, and we hold on to the Giver of hope with all we have. The harder it gets to hold on, the more we have to lose. So, we persevere. We embrace character building, because THIS hope is worth it. This hope is a gift!

And it's worth our present participle belief! 

God, I thank you for the joy, the heartache, and the ongoing lessons that have come because You invited me to believe You for more in 2016. Give me the courage to continue believing until the day that I die, meet you face to face, and don't need that present participle belief anymore. My faith will be made sight.