Believe!

During a morning quiet time in late 2015, God led me to choose a word for the upcoming year. He didn't urge me to just choose any word. He pointed out a specific word and impressed upon my heart that it would be important for me to live with this word in new and different ways. 

You guessed it! The word He emphasized for me was "believe." 

I was in the middle of Beth Moore's Bible study, "Believing God," and she'd done an amazing job uncovering the meaning of "believe" everywhere I'd read it in the New Testament. I learned that it is typical use in the present participle tense. I also learned that it's the same word used for faith. So, everywhere I saw "believe" and "faith" I started reading "believing" instead. 

Present belief. 

Active belief.

In 2014, my heart and mind fell into a bit of depression. It wasn't a clinical depression, but it was so deep and real. Honestly, my husband was struggling with some darkness, and life for me felt heavy in every direction. I was mad at God, because I was weary in the heaviness. We'd felt it for so long, and I felt I deserved a break. 

My precious Heavenly Father let me whine and complain and argue and fight for a portion of 2014 and most of 2015. Then, He asked me to believe for something new. I was happy to join. He even gave me a verse to recite all year as I working on believing, 

Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. Is. 43:19

I can't adequately describe how hopeful this encounter with God was for me. It was surreal. I experienced Him in more real ways than I ever had before. It felt like a true invitation into something more. 

I was ready!

In February of 2016, Scotty and I began to pray for something more together. In April of 2016, we were headed to FL with the possibility of entering ministry again. I wish I could say that God made everything clear during that trip. Florida was beautiful, and the people we met were amazing. There were also some things that happened that were a little confusing. We had one meeting that made us question and pray a little longer and a little harder. Then, one day as I was praying, I felt God speak to my heart and tell me that what was bothering us was true but God wanted us to go to FL anyway. That confirmation was enough, and by July of 2016 we were all Floridians. 

Hope is a tricky thing. When God uncovers it, there is a sense of pure joy and excitement. Knowing that He has more in store reminds me that I'm on His mind. He cares for me. He wants what is best for me, and I do too! In the excitement of hope, though, it's easy to forget that God's timing is different than my timing. When God uncovers a hope-filled message, it seems like the invitation is immediate. When the joy of hope turns into waiting, hopelessness and even depression can set it. Actually, I have Biblical backing, 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick...  Proverbs 13:12

If I was just believing God for material things, I would expect to have to wait. I'd expect a lesson or two about what really matters in life. No! God gave me dreams of family and ministry and connection and calling. He uncovered longings in my heart to do the kinds of things that leave legacy and change family trees. When He asked me to believe, I went all in. So, when trouble, heartache, more waiting, and unresolved issues continued, my heart became sick. 

There will be more to come on all of this later. I have 6 more words to remember and write on. However, for this Christmas season, I want to remind myself (and maybe you) that God will give hope, but we have to guard it. His hope doesn't disappoint, but we will have to work to sustain it. 

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.  Romans 5:3-5

How in this world do we maintain hope? We fight for it! We remind ourselves where it comes from, and we hold on to the Giver of hope with all we have. The harder it gets to hold on, the more we have to lose. So, we persevere. We embrace character building, because THIS hope is worth it. This hope is a gift!

And it's worth our present participle belief! 

God, I thank you for the joy, the heartache, and the ongoing lessons that have come because You invited me to believe You for more in 2016. Give me the courage to continue believing until the day that I die, meet you face to face, and don't need that present participle belief anymore. My faith will be made sight.