"Even if you love Jesus Christ, it is very possible - even probable - there will be days and seasons where your tears and your snot are your only food. Days where you - in a ball on the floor - can't think weekly or monthly or it would CRUSH you. There will be days where the thought of having to endure longer than today feels impossible. And, I'm talking about those that LOVE Jesus Christ.... The beauty of the gospel is NOT that in trusting Christ everything goes like you want it to go. The beauty of the gospel is that we get GOD regardless of our circumstances and HE IS ENOUGH!"
I love that quote, because it is just SO true! And, the fact that HE IS ENOUGH is the fourth lesson I've learned through our healing from adultery. This lesson follows the lesson that life takes work for a very good reason.
When I was confronted with Scotty's unfaithfulness and the deep remorse that followed, I was completely confident that I wanted to stick it out and work on our marriage. I had no doubts about that. However, as you might expect, I did/do experience occasional anxiety over the "what ifs" of our future.
- What if Scotty does this again in the future?
- What if the thoughts of what happened are ALWAYS a part of my life?
- What if Scotty can't deal with the fact that I STILL have bad days years into the healing process?
And, the frustrating thing about this list is that there are no guarantees. Despite our best intentions, we just don't know what will happen in the future. Scotty could attempt to assure me that he will NEVER do this again. But, he didn't really PLAN to do it in the first place.
The many books that I've read and the therapists we've seen can tell me that my undesirable thoughts that pop up out of nowhere will lessen with time, but they can't PROMISE that they will.
Do you see what I'm saying? THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES!!! And, honestly... that's unsettling.
You have your own "what ifs" even if you aren't healing from adultery. If you've committed to a process that takes work of any kind, there are absolutely NO guarantees that your work will stand the test of time. Unsettling, right?
So, if life can give me no guarantees, where do I go? What do I trust?
I trust that God, through His Son, Jesus Christ,will ALWAYS be enough!
- If I find myself in another situation where someone I trust has been unfaithful, God will be faithful. And, that will be ENOUGH!
- If I am still having unwanted and unpredictable thoughts about things & people I don't want to think about years down the road, God will bring peace in the midst of each storm. And, that will be ENOUGH!
- If Scotty decides that my inability to completely forget the past even though I've chosen to forgive is too much for him to handle, God will be able to handle it. And, that will be ENOUGH!
You see, God IS the reward we are searching for. In our humanity, we are always working, always striving for the big payoff.... a job, a spouse, a certain income, healthy children, a healed marriage. Don't get me wrong.... Those aren't bad things! But,we will miss something if we make those things/relationships the ultimate goal. Look at the intro to God's covenant making scene with Abraham....
“Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” Genesis 15:1
God was promising Abram salvation, freedom and more offspring than he could count. But, He introduces HIMSELF as the great reward. The outcomes we experience here on earth are only a means to bring us to the Savior. So, good or bad, let your what ifs be just that.... the vehicle driving you to the conclusion that HE is the great reward. HE IS ENOUGH!
He was, He is, and He will always be!