LIFE Takes Work!

I fully intended to write back to back posts including lessons I've learned through adultery and recovery. And, as is usually the case, time has gotten away from me. But, I'm determined to finish even if it takes longer than I intended.

Hopefully, you've noticed that my lessons kind of build on each other. I've learned that God is sovereign over ALL. And, because of HIS sovereignty, I do not have to live like a victim. My third lesson builds on that and may be the only lesson that isn't necessarily great news.

I'm not doomed to living as a victim, BUT... living differently takes WORK.

Now, that's not terrible news. Everything in life that's worth anything takes work. And, some things take LOTS of work. There are some things in life that we expect will be difficult. At some point, I imagine we've all chosen to do things knowing that they'd require discipline and determination to achieve the goal. And, we chose them anyway, because these things were worth it.

Anyone who has ever run a marathon (half or whole) chose to endure a rigorous process in order to prepare to finish and cross a finish line. I can think of choices in occupation that require sacrifices in time and money. But, many choose these paths, because of their desire/calling to do a certain job. We'd never expect either of these outcomes to just happen.

In our recovery, Scotty & I have discovered (and it shouldn't have been surprising) that deciding to stay together in the immediate aftermath of confession was only the beginning of a long, rigorous process. From the outside, I guess it could look like Scotty said, "I'm sorry", and I said "You're forgiven", and that was that. Let me just say, you DO NOT really heal from adultery with that process.

I'm going to "get on my soapbox", "chase a rabbit", or whatever phrase applies. Over the past 2 years, many situations have been brought to us of couples faced with adultery. I am OVERWHELMED & DISGUSTED by the number of these couples that want to make healing as simple as "I'm sorry" and now let's move on. So many hurting couples seem to want to "sweep it under the rug" and get on with life. That's absurd! And, the reason why I get so heated over this attitude is because it reveals how many people don't value marriage as God intended us to value it. I believe this attitude towards healing from adultery proves that most couples AREN'T living in the marriage intimacy that was intended for us and don't have a desire to get there. Marriage is a BIG DEAL & we should treat sin against marriage as a BIG DEAL. Committing adultery and then expecting a spouse, children, extended family to "just get over it" says there's no understanding of God's design for marriage. And, spouses that choose to forgive too quickly and attempt to "just move on" might think they're choosing an easier route. But, I believe it will prove to make life even more difficult down the road.

As I stated in an earlier post, I will not live like I am a victim. However, that doesn't mean I get to take an easy way out. It means I get to choose to partner with God and to partner with my husband in a task that gets rough, dark and frightening. It means that when faced with a choice to bury deep hurt and emotions or expose them, I choose to expose in order to GROW in relationship with God and with Scotty rather than "stuffing" things that will only divide us. And, it means that we're committed to the process of therapy, hard conversations, and honesty no matter how long it takes.

I think one of Satan's greatest schemes is tempting us to compare ourselves to others. It's so easy to look at other marriages and other families and think that life sure is easy for them. I'm convinced that it isn't. I'm convinced that people experiencing abundant life as individuals, in marriages and in families have chosen to work really hard in partnership with the Lord. None of us just naturally drift towards the full life that God intended. Nope! When we allow ourselves to drift, we begin to settle for mediocrity and normalcy, which become the road to disaster in many cases.

I know that not everyone reading this blog is healing from adultery. But, every believer reading is on a sanctification journey. Taking the easy way out in any facet of life will never lead to full, abundant life. In this world, the road to complete JOY in Christ is narrow, because few seem to understand that true happiness CAN be found in difficulty. So... do the WORK. Don't try to cover up the yucky. Admit it, find help for it, and make the choice that God's design for your life is worth the process EVEN IF it's hard. If the abundant life were easy to achieve, we'd see a lot more of it. I want to be one of the few.

"But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" Matthew 7:14