Three Simple Words

Do you know what people have said to me over the past four months that has meant the most to me? Don't get me wrong. There's nothing simple about my situation. I realize some people may have avoided me completely; because, really, what do you say? When there was nothing else to say, you said it... "I am sorry."

Three simple words, but they have been my healing. To hear Scotty say to me (over and over) "I'm sorry for what I've done to you, our family and myself" has given me the freedom to heal and to help him heal.

Variations of those three words spoken to me by other people who have hurt me have caused me to see them in their brokenness, to see them a little more as God would see them and to begin the process towards forgiveness.

And, so many of you have said to me, "I'm sorry you have had to go through this," and I am now realizing that those words may have been the catalyst towards my healing and restoration. Sometimes, we just need a little affirmation in our feelings of hurt, betrayal, confusion, etc.

So, I want to say that to you! I'm sorry YOU have had to live through this tragedy. To some of you that may seem strange. You may be thinking, "Why are YOU apologizing to me?"

You may be wondering why I would assume anyone outside of the immediate circle of our hurt needs to be apologized to.

Some of you, however, may be thinking, "Thank you. As a fellow believer, I DO feel affected by the sins committed." And, I would say to you that I completely agree.

You see, I believe that when we wear the name, "Christian," we invite others to share in our lives. Relational living is the way God does life, and it's the way HE calls us to join in life. We weren't created for isolated living, and our actions DO affect other people.

Now, on good days, we are so grateful for that gift. We love sharing in the happy times with friends and family. A birth, a marriage, a birthday or an accomplishment are made much sweeter when others join us in the celebration.

Even in difficult days, we are so very thankful to have others coming in beside us to share in our struggles. Especially when those people are affirming us and building us up. It's during those times that we can't imagine doing life any other way. We realize our desperation to have others to lean on.

But, when we REALLY mess things up, wouldn't you agree that we'd rather just "bring it in" and focus ONLY on ourselves and MAYBE those that were directly affected? Wouldn't it be easier if we could somehow disconnect from the rest of the world when we have things we'd like to hide. Of course, it would be easier! For self! But, what about for the rest of those people that we've invited to share in every other part of our life?

What's my point? Well, let me see if I can bring the craziness of thought in my head together in a sensible way. Scotty and I know that there are still people in our small town talking, discussing, and bothered by our situation and what he did. The truth of the matter is, we are broken people living in a broken world. We all sin when we act out of that brokenness. And, I would venture to say that all of us act out of brokenness in varying ways. Some ways are more culturally accepted than others. But, to depend on anything other than the healing powers of our Heavenly Father to mend that brokenness is sin.

It would be very easy for Scotty and I to say to the few that may still be struggling with his sin, "This has nothing to do with you." "We are healing, and you need to let us heal in a supportive way." Or, "You do realize that you sin daily, too."

Let me tell you what I believe would be wrong with any one of those attitudes. They all focus on US. Now, is it important that we focus on our marriage and our family? Sure! I even agree that we should be our first focus. But, do we focus on ourselves and disregard the MANY people who we have done life with over the years? People who have walked with us throughout varying life situations? People who may still be struggling with how a person can say he believes one thing then act in a very different way? I say we CAN NOT!

A verse found in 1 Corinthians chapter 8 has come to my mind over and over during the past couple of weeks. It says,

"Be very careful, however, that in living out your freedom in Christ you do not become a stumbling block to the weak."

I know that Scotty is forgiven. He knows he's forgiven. But, I just wonder if we could be a real stumbling block to others if our attitude was, "You just need to get over it. This is between us and our family. We are healing and you need to forgive."

I don't know the correct answer. But, we feel that we will have to live out patience as those in our small community heal. So many have been so very supportive of Scotty's healing and complete restoration. But, we know there are some still badly hurt and very confused. We acknowledge that hurt and confusion as REAL, and we say, "We are so sorry."

I know that there is still much gossip going around, some of it true and some completely untrue. Believe it or not, that doesn't make either one of us angry. To Scotty, it's a real reminder of how badly he messed up. To me, it breaks my heart that our sin may have caused others to stumble in their walk. Either way, you matter to us. And, even as we are trying to heal, we are praying desperately for every person (young and old) that was affected by our situation to find each and every answer they need in our loving God. Sometimes the means to find Him aren't pretty, but He is amazing! I just encourage you to be very honest with Him about your hurt and confusion and get ready. When He brings it together and shows you how He can work everything together for good, you'll be forever changed.

We are forever changed to live, work and relate with those in life. We are forever changed so that we might possibly work WITH God to forever change the life of someone else. It's not about me... Not even for a second. I'm a very important part of the big picture, though. And, I think that's quite an honor.

So, if I need to utter a simple, "I am sorry," three little words, so that another important part of the big picture can heal and move on, I'm going to do it. You are worth it to me.