I was getting ready for bed, I'm sure, and preparing for a day of school. Teaching third graders was such a BIG part of my life. I LOVED it. But, it was tiring. Plus, I'd probably brought things home with me from school that I was packing up to take back the next day as well as a lunch, snack, etc. I remember that Scotty had been hunting all day, and I'd taken a little walk. You get the idea... life was pretty much about.... ME.
Oh, and one other little difference... I was as big as the house. My tummy was about to POP!
Yep! Caleb turns 9 tomorrow. And, this is really hard for me to believe. The fact that is 9 is not the only thing that is shocking. The manner in which he has come into this world and completely changed it for me is the biggest shock of all.
I was pretty sure that I knew exactly what to expect from a baby when Caleb came along. For goodness sakes, my mom had kept children in our home most of my life. I was very comfortable babysitting AND I was a trained teacher! This parenting thing was going to be a breeze. And, "Mommy"? Well, I was going to be fabulous.
I woke up the morning of the 23rd, stepped out of the bed, and my water broke. We called the doctor, called family and off we went. They checked us in, I changed into a gown, the nurse came in to check me for the first time, and I was already 6 or 7 cm dilated. See... no big deal! I really don't see what all the fuss is about.
By noon, much to the surprise of our nurse who knew this was our first, I was ready to start pushing. Things slowed down a little, but still, Caleb was born by 1:40. And, so far, this baby thing was EXACTLY as I had planned.
Then, we kept Caleb in our room the first night in the hospital. He cried, and cried, and CRIED!!! There was nothing I could do to calm him down, and I tried EVERYTHING. That was the first time I held Caleb in my arms with NO idea what to do. And, it wasn't the last.
For the next 9 months, Caleb didn't sleep when I thought he should sleep. He didn't eat the way I thought he should eat. Each and every time I thought we'd established some kind of routine, Caleb would change the plan.
During the months that I was pregnant with Caleb, I prayed for him many times. But, specifically, I prayed that he would be more like my sister than me. I wanted him to be ASSERTIVE... to know what he wanted and know how to express it. Well, first of all, I learned that God answers prayers. And, secondly, I didn't pray that prayer again. :)
Nine years later, though, I'm so thankful for Caleb. I'm grateful that God refused to let our first born come into this world exactly as I had planned, because I would have taken some things for granted. During the first months of Caleb's life, God taught me so many things about myself and about Him. But, the biggest lesson that I learned during that time came when Caleb was nine months old. God brought me to my knees at that point, and I gave up MY plans. I begged God to guide me in parenting Caleb HIS way. At that point, I felt a heavy burden lifted from my shoulders.
The problem, thought, was that 9 months of Caleb's life were gone. I hadn't enjoyed or appreciated those months the way I should have, and I did not get a second chance. At ten months old, Caleb got an ear infection that didn't go away until he got tubes at 13 months old. Therefore, we rocked a lot during those nights. I would rock him in his room with tears running down my face, because I knew I'd missed out on so much of his infant life due to the fact that I was FIGHTING for MY way.
I still regret those lost months. But, I'm thankful that I was taught through them to ENJOY the present. Even if it's tough, even if it's not what I planned, it's a gift. And, it's a gift we can't have again. When Caleb started Kindergarten, I was sad. I remember feeling like it was the beginning of the end. But, I couldn't let myself stay there. I WAS NOT going to miss out on enjoying the excitement of his first day of school. I knew that at Caleb's High School graduation, I would look back to his first days of school. I wanted to be able to look back on a time of enjoyment, happiness and JOY.
I continue to be amazed at how I have to constantly remind myself to just enjoy life as it is. Yes, there are hard times. Sure, things don't always go as planned. But, my days were set before me before the foundation of the world. And, the ONE who set them in place loves me dearly. He carefully placed JOY to be had. He mapped out PEACE to be experienced. Blessings come in all sorts of packages and in all situations. Sometimes, I have to GIVE UP the pursuit of what I thought the blessing was supposed to be in order to see what God had right in front of my face.
Caleb Scott Rogers is only one of my three blessings. But, he's the first. And, he paves the way for us through all of the firsts. He's certainly ushered us into a life that is NOTHING like the life we had nine years ago. It's NOTHING like I thought it would be then. It's way better!
I'm thankful for Caleb's birthday and grateful that I get to be his MOM for a million different reasons. I would LOVE to list them all here, but I fear that would be obnoxious to those of you with your own children who are just as wonderful as Caleb is. So, I'll just tell you that he's my daily reminder that if I'm determined to see things through the way I want to see them through, I just might miss out on what God intended to be a blessing for me. Hard-headed as I am, I did that for 9 months. And, I pray that it never happens again.
So, thank you, Caleb, for coming into this world and knowing exactly what you wanted... a mom with a little lesson in humility. I got it! It was and sometimes still is TOUGH. But, it is worth it! Because life with Caleb is a precious gift.
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