Freedom

Looking back at the words God has given me over the last 9 years has been extremely insightful. I've journaled and prayed over them many times this month. Each time, I am struck by a new revelation. 

God is good!

He is sovereign and kind. 

And, He is very, very present. 

Believing and receiving caused me to pay attention to His presence in the moments of my life. The words He spoke over me during the next three years encouraged me to allow His presence to transform. 

Goodness, I wish transformation was easy. 

In 2018, I claimed the word "freedom" for my year. Y'all, I was excited! I went straight to Galatians 5:1, For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and don't submit again to a yoke of slavery, and decided I was all in for this freedom if Christ died to give it. What could be better?

First things first, I searched for a book to read. (If you don't know this about me already, you should know that reading to learn has become one of my favorite hobbies. I don't even care if that makes me a nerdy type.) I found You Are Free by Rebekah Lyons and read things like, 

You weren't made to keep up. You were made to be free. To be who you already are.

Calling is where our talents and burdens collide.

You cannot see the unknown until you release the known. 

When we become enslaved to anything, we miss out on a life of surrender and peace.

We cannot prioritize our doing before being, our assignment before healing, our service before freedom. 

All of this sounded exciting and freeing, and (if I'm honest) scary. I'd never really thought that I wasn't free. I became a Christian when I was 7. My personal testimony doesn't include a life enslaved to sin prior to meeting Jesus. I mean, there's not a lot of trouble one can get into during the first 6 years of life. In every spiritual way possible, I felt I was completely free. Still, though, I felt I was missing out on the fullness of the freedom Paul described to the Galatians. 

I can't say I recorded tons of liberating moments that year, but God and I began a journey in 2018 that has been ongoing since then. Together, we've addressed a number of invisible chains that kept me bound to good things at the expense of better things. 

As it turns out, freedom's journey has to wind in and out of dark, lonely, and difficult places. It seems I wouldn't willingly give up good for better until the good way became unbearable. In the years to follow, I would gain firsthand experience in the way of the Israelites. I used to have so much difficulty understanding why they would ever want to go back to Egypt where they were slaves. 

Well, I figured it out! In the uncertainty and wide open space of new freedom, former slaves are afraid! I came face to face with that fear but didn't realize that's what it was. Therefore, suppressed fear escalated to anxiety in a hurry, and I just didn't know what to do with freedom. So, 

I hid, (sorry, now friends! I didn't know I needed you.)

I grasped for control in areas I had no control. (sorry, kids! Invoice me for your therapy.)

I denied that I needed help navigating the newness of freedom's life. 

I won't spoil upcoming words and messages. Of course, God had a plan all along. But, I want to speak the truth that freedom is what we were made for. It is for freedom that Jesus set us free. That doesn't mean it won't cost us something. I think that's why Paul included the second portion of the verse, "stand firm and don't submit again to the yoke of slavery." 

Jesus paid the ultimate price to set me free! And, I will have to fight to keep it. The world, busy-ness of life, even religion will try to steal my freedom and keep me striving. No, thank you! I'll keep fighting freedom's fight. 

Receive

Every year, I try to something to celebrate the season of Advent. This year, my choice was a no-brainer. My favorite podcaster, Annie F. Downs, has offered a brief Advent podcast every, single morning during the 4 weeks of Advent. She has led me well through hope, peace, and now joy. 

This morning, Annie encouraged listeners to be bearers of joy. I don't know how that command lands on your ears. This morning, I heard it with a sense of excitement. Honestly, though, just yesterday I might have wanted to scream, "Shut up," to my sweet friend and then end the podcast. I'm glad I was able to listen, because I absolutely loved this picture of carrying, or bearing, joy. 

Annie recounted the year Atlanta, GA, hosted the olympics. Because she grew up in GA, she had a vivid memory of watching the torch-bearers run throughout Georgia carrying the Olympic torch. This memory led Annie to ask us the question, "what does a torch-bearer actually do?"

In the olympics or in any other scenario where runners carry torches in relay fashion, they have four major jobs; 

Receive the flame.

Hold it high. 

Follow the course laid out. 

Give the flame away. 

I have to admit that I'm nearly in tears just typing out this very brief message. THIS is the purpose of my life. THIS is what I want to do every, single day from now until my earthly end. THIS is the only thing that fills my life with purpose. 

In the fall of 2016, my year of "believe" was coming to an end. It was the very first year God had given me a word, a mission, and focus for the next year. I desperately hoped He was going to do it again. I started asking Him, and almost immediately He uncovered the word "receive." 

It was weird. 

I was unsure.

It felt very, very, VERY selfish. 

So, of course, I kept asking God for a new word. He kept pointing me back to "receive." I gave in and claimed the word. I'd argued long enough. 

The year was definitely filled with receiving - a new church, a new position for our family, a new role of leadership for me, and a sense of permanence in Florida. It was also the year that set in motion a path that would lead to a spiral of sorts for me. Time constraints, financial restraints, teenagers, and what felt like chaos in every direction for several years exposed a lot (A LOT!) of inner work I'd not done. Then, COVID came. Leading during COVID turned up the heat on any and every imperfection I needed to address. Listen, I'm not proud of the way I handled portions of the last 3 years. In hindsight, I can see that God allowed difficulty to push and press and crush me so that I'd be forced to cooperate with Him for fullness. I reached the very end of myself, and that was a gift. 

As it turns out, true JOY isn't even an option until God is allowed to come in and offer comfort for hurt, peace in chaos, instruction for immaturity, and correction for misunderstanding. 

Today, I'm so glad that God asked me to receive throughout 2017 and beyond. I am praying earnestly right now that I remember all I've received so that I don't have to live the circumstances again. But, I've found a greater connection to God and people. I've discovered emotions and understand that I have to feel them to really enjoy life. I've received the fullness of joy in ways I could never create on my own. 

Now, I get to be a bearer of joy!

I'll never be able to create the flame, but I will put myself in a position to receive it. 

Daily, I get to lift the torch of joy even if it's heavy, or weighty, or difficult. If it were easy, everyone would do it. :) 

I do not have to map out my course, because God is directing my path. 

As often as I can, I will offer the light of my torch to someone else in need of joy. 

What a calling! What a mission! Truly, every step of the journey has been worth it. I pray you receive whatever it is you need today from the only author, creator, and perfecter of your faith. 

Believe!

During a morning quiet time in late 2015, God led me to choose a word for the upcoming year. He didn't urge me to just choose any word. He pointed out a specific word and impressed upon my heart that it would be important for me to live with this word in new and different ways. 

You guessed it! The word He emphasized for me was "believe." 

I was in the middle of Beth Moore's Bible study, "Believing God," and she'd done an amazing job uncovering the meaning of "believe" everywhere I'd read it in the New Testament. I learned that it is typical use in the present participle tense. I also learned that it's the same word used for faith. So, everywhere I saw "believe" and "faith" I started reading "believing" instead. 

Present belief. 

Active belief.

In 2014, my heart and mind fell into a bit of depression. It wasn't a clinical depression, but it was so deep and real. Honestly, my husband was struggling with some darkness, and life for me felt heavy in every direction. I was mad at God, because I was weary in the heaviness. We'd felt it for so long, and I felt I deserved a break. 

My precious Heavenly Father let me whine and complain and argue and fight for a portion of 2014 and most of 2015. Then, He asked me to believe for something new. I was happy to join. He even gave me a verse to recite all year as I working on believing, 

Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. Is. 43:19

I can't adequately describe how hopeful this encounter with God was for me. It was surreal. I experienced Him in more real ways than I ever had before. It felt like a true invitation into something more. 

I was ready!

In February of 2016, Scotty and I began to pray for something more together. In April of 2016, we were headed to FL with the possibility of entering ministry again. I wish I could say that God made everything clear during that trip. Florida was beautiful, and the people we met were amazing. There were also some things that happened that were a little confusing. We had one meeting that made us question and pray a little longer and a little harder. Then, one day as I was praying, I felt God speak to my heart and tell me that what was bothering us was true but God wanted us to go to FL anyway. That confirmation was enough, and by July of 2016 we were all Floridians. 

Hope is a tricky thing. When God uncovers it, there is a sense of pure joy and excitement. Knowing that He has more in store reminds me that I'm on His mind. He cares for me. He wants what is best for me, and I do too! In the excitement of hope, though, it's easy to forget that God's timing is different than my timing. When God uncovers a hope-filled message, it seems like the invitation is immediate. When the joy of hope turns into waiting, hopelessness and even depression can set it. Actually, I have Biblical backing, 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick...  Proverbs 13:12

If I was just believing God for material things, I would expect to have to wait. I'd expect a lesson or two about what really matters in life. No! God gave me dreams of family and ministry and connection and calling. He uncovered longings in my heart to do the kinds of things that leave legacy and change family trees. When He asked me to believe, I went all in. So, when trouble, heartache, more waiting, and unresolved issues continued, my heart became sick. 

There will be more to come on all of this later. I have 6 more words to remember and write on. However, for this Christmas season, I want to remind myself (and maybe you) that God will give hope, but we have to guard it. His hope doesn't disappoint, but we will have to work to sustain it. 

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.  Romans 5:3-5

How in this world do we maintain hope? We fight for it! We remind ourselves where it comes from, and we hold on to the Giver of hope with all we have. The harder it gets to hold on, the more we have to lose. So, we persevere. We embrace character building, because THIS hope is worth it. This hope is a gift!

And it's worth our present participle belief! 

God, I thank you for the joy, the heartache, and the ongoing lessons that have come because You invited me to believe You for more in 2016. Give me the courage to continue believing until the day that I die, meet you face to face, and don't need that present participle belief anymore. My faith will be made sight. 

Immanuel

This year, I'm obsessed with "Immanuel," God with us. 

It's not a new name for Jesus. I've sung songs using this name before. I've known it means "God with us" for a while now. This year, though, I've been thinking on it a lot!

It means that our perfectly holy and powerful God chose to come to this broken and unholy earth to BE with us. 

Just BE with us, y'all. 

He could have come to make things new immediately, because He had every ounce of power to do it. Instead, He came in the lowliest and weakest of forms to be with us in the ordinary, the messy, the broken.

It's still hard to imagine! 

I've also been a little obsessed with a verse that I've never considered to be a Christmas verse, 

Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.  Isaiah 43:19

When my children were younger, Christmas was purely magical. It was a time when it didn't really matter what was going on in our world or in the world at large, because pure joy and excitement took over. The anticipation of Jesus' birthday and all the ways we celebrate it monopolized all conversation and activity. The expectation of presents under the tree for my kids made every day a party. 

It's been a while since the simple emotions of Christmas covered the realities of the world we live in. I don't know if you know this, but life is hard! In the strangest of ways, though, that's not a thought that interrupts or ruins my advent season. It actually enhances it. 

So, life is ordinary, messy, and broken. The hope of Christmas is that Jesus chose to enter into it anyway. He did all the things to begin the process of making all things new. But, He didn't do it in an immediate way. He chose to come, to live, and to BE part of earthly life WITH humanity. I think He still chooses that today. 

The hope of Christmas is that Jesus chooses to BE with me in my life, my processes, my humanity. The love & peace of Christmas is that He doesn't pressure me to be new, perfect, or right immediately, because He seems happy to be WITH me in the process. I experience the joy of Christmas when I choose to be present with Him in the moments of my life. It turns out I don't always have to be striving for more, better, or perfect. I can rest in Him and trust that He is always doing a new thing. I just need to slow down and ask for eyes to see it. Maybe that's the light that our Advent candles bring. 

Around this time of year, God drops a word in my heart and in my mind that I believe is a focus word for the upcoming year. As He revealed my word for 2023, I believe God also sent me back to 2016 and the first word He gave me in this tradition. As I've looked back, I have marveled at the new thing God began in me that first year with that first word. I may not have seen then how He was doing something new in me, but I can look back over the last 8 years and see His hand in all of the details. I feel led to write about each of those words during this month as a way to honor Him through remembering. 

What does Immanuel mean to you? 

Does it frustrate you that He is here, with us, but He chooses not to fix the things that are so obviously broken? What if you used this Advent season to be honest with Him about your reality. I imagine Jesus to come in close when we share our honesty. I don't think He minds our bristly edges one bit. 

Does it confuse you that He is near? Several years ago, I read Max Lucado's book, God Came Near. It's an excellent book that introduces the reality of what we miss out on when we don't recognize the magnitude of God choosing to come close to us then & now. 

Does it offer hope and a feeling of restoration, because you know God is making all things new even as we speak through what Jesus did with His human life here on earth? It's true! If you live with that kind of unshakable faith and confidence, my guess is that you've done some hard inner work for it. I bet your story is filled with ups and downs and highs and lows. Can I ask you to share that with someone? I have this dream that we (as Christians) grow more confident in sharing the pieces of our story that we aren't completely proud of, because those are the places where we typically see the new things God is doing more clearly. Stories offer hope to a world struggling with hopelessness in a big way. 

If Christmas is anything, it's HOPE-filled. Your stories and my story are evidence. I pray your Christmas season is filled with the presence of "God with us," and that His presence leads you to honestly share it His story and yours with your world. 

Bitterness is a Beast!

Over 11 years ago, I sat in a counselor's office with my husband who'd recently confessed adultery. His confession was very public, and details that came later were just as public. There were multiple relationships, and the women he'd been with were close friends. It was a LOT! For me, the specifics were so hideous that it was always easier to speak in generalities.... "My husband was unfaithful. He's repentant, and we are choosing to receive God's miracle healing. We want to save our marriage." 

I mean, that sounds holy, right? It's simple enough. God will heal. He's promised to do exactly that, so why wouldn't we just trust Him and move forward? 

Our first counselor said something to me early on that I've never forgotten, "Amy, my biggest fear for you is that you will grow bitter. A lot of people that were supposed to be for you have betrayed you. They were against you. I'm worried that your heart will prefer to shut people out, and bitterness will grow. I don't want that for you." 

I'll never forget it, and I'll also never forget how adamantly I assured her that would never happen. In that moment, I was remembering all of the people in my life that had been good to me. For the most part, my people had always been my favorite gifts from God. Also, I'd seen what bitterness looked like on women. YUCK! I was absolutely, positively, 100% sure that bitterness was not in the cards for me. 

I'm learning to be gracious and gentle with previous versions of me. That Amy was doing the best she could with the information she had in the moment. She could not have expected.....

Surprising debt,

Spiritual abuse under the care of a trusted leader,

Troubled teenagers and the (seeming) judgement of our Christian community,

Tension at home that accompanies teenager-life,

Neglect and emotional abandonment in difficulty, 

Disappointment of another crumbling church staff, 

Re-start (again) in career that carried with it the well-known financial stress, 

A world-wide pandemic, 

Grief that accompanies major life changes like sending a first-born off to college (WTH people should be more honest about this crisis of emotion),

and a country (believers and non-believers alike) spinning out of control in anxiety and pure meanness.

Hello, bitterness! It looks like you have indeed chosen to join me!  

I didn't invite her, and I didn't want her here. However, I didn't actively and intentionally reject her. She arrived like a thief in the night, and once I realized I'd willingly opened the doors of my heart to her, there was no easy way to send her packing. 

Bitterness is sneaky, you see. Naturally, my heart was feeling fear, rejection, sadness, and deep grief. Life was busy, though. We had things to do, so I didn't really have time to grieve or even partially address the sadness. 

How in the world can bitterness and resentment be the outcome of mishandled or unhandled grief? That doesn't seem right. Grief shows up as tears, sadness, and inactivity. Bitterness looks aggressive, powerful, and active. Could it be the enemy of my soul and my family knows that bitterness could swoop in and wreck my life if I would simply ignore the deep and growing grief caused by disappointment? 

This morning, I read this in my "Healing From Life's Disappointments," study, 

"Jehovah Rapha (the God who heals) often uses life's disappointments to reveal the state of our hearts so that we can bring those broken hearts to Him for healing."

In Exodus 15, the newly freed Hebrews came to a place where the water they needed to drink was bitter. Understandably, they were upset and probably even scared. They had never been fully responsible for their provisions. They were slaves in Egypt, and that was awful. However, their basic needs were taken care of for them. On the other side of the Red Sea split, they were in need of water to live. The only water they had was bitter. So, they complained. 

The bitter water didn't make their hearts bitter, but it did reveal the bitterness that was already brewing.....  bitterness that came from immature faith and a genuine fear for their lives. A holier response would have been to acknowledge their truest emotions; fear, sadness, and even grief. Complaint and anger probably felt more powerful. 

I know it was frustrating, Moses! But, I really get it! 

Do you remember what God prescribed to make the bitter water sweet? It's so crazy! God told Moses to throw a piece of wood into the water. When he obeyed, the water became sweet to drink. How in the world can wood make anything clean?

Suddenly, I remembered another piece of wood mentioned in the Bible. Actually, Jesus spoke of this wood in Matthew 7 when He taught about the plank of wood we have in our own eyes that prevents us from seeing clearly. 

Is it possible Jehovah Rapha will heal the growing bitterness in my own heart when I take the plank out of my eye and offer it to Him. I've justified the plank, because it represents a lot of disappointment, hurt, and pain that I did not ask for or even deserve. 

This morning, I felt Jesus letting me know all of that is true. I have been mishandled and uncared for. It's really, really sad to my Heavenly Father, so He's given me Jesus who is more than happy to sit with me in my sadness. We can grieve together. Even though it feels weaker than the anger, it's a whole lot sweeter. 

This may be a daily activity of surrender. I may be removing planks and tossing them into the bitter water daily. It seems terribly exhausting and even overwhelming. 

You know what else is exhausting? Living with a bitter and resentful heart is exhausting, and it's damaging. I want better for me. I want better for my children. And, I want better for the whole body of Christ. I have a part to play in the work God is doing in His Church at this moment. Bitterness will take me out. 

So, bitterness, this is where our time together ends. I hope you've enjoyed the free space, but you will have to find a new home. I won't miss you at all. 

The Hebrews grumbled and complained. They wanted slavery, because it seemed to be easier. I'm choosing freedom even if it does take a lot of work, because bitterness has stolen enough peace!

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7:3-5

Train Up a Child.....

 When I was pregnant with my boys, I prayed specifically that they'd be more like my sister than me concerning how they lived in the world. I asked God to make them assertive, to cause them to know what they want and know how to express it. 

My sister was always more assertive than me. She had opinions, and she spoke up for herself. It never really dawned on me to have my own opinions. Alyson knew what she wanted, and she knew when an adult was asking her to do something she didn't necessarily want to do. It was fascinating to me. Looking back, it seems like a better way to live, and I wanted my kids to live with that kind of freedom. 

Even as a young girl, I knew that I was probably the easier child to parent, to teach, and to influence. As a mother preparing to give birth, I knew that being easier to manipulate didn't necessarily prepare me for the world. I wanted children that could be world changers. As a 28-year-old conformist, I knew they'd need more of a questioning and assertive spirit for that. 

Well, God answered my prayers!! There have been days (you have no idea how many days) I've wondered why in the world I would have prayed such a thing. Life would have been easier, less embarrassing, prettier if I'd had boys that operated in our family and in life like I did growing up. 

But, here's the thing, I would have missed out on all of the lessons our mess-ups (theirs and mine) have brought. Because these boys are so head strong, I've had to beg God to teach me to mother at every new season. Thankfully, He's allowed me to see some things through their eyes. In His perfect way, God has used their struggles to demonstrate His lessons for me. 

In all of this, though, one question has played on repeat in my head throughout their high school years. I can't get past it! It causes me to over process all that I do, and it burdens my heart for the children and teenagers that we are collectively raising, 

Why do we expect more from our young people than we expect for ourselves?

I can't speak for every environment. But, I live, work, and operate mostly in Christian cultures, and I'm afraid I see it over and over again. 

We tell our children to be kind to those they come in contact with. It is the Christian way, and we don't have to like everyone, but we have to be kind to everyone. But, our children see us, the adults, griping and complaining. Our news feeds are full of hateful memes and angry messages. We've taught Matthew 5 in our churches and Christian classrooms, 

You have heard do not murder, and whoever murders will be subjected to judgment. But I say to you that anyone who is angry with a brother will be subjected to judgment. And, whoever insults a brother will be brought before the council, and whoever says, 'Fool' will be sent to fiery hell. (verse 21-23)

But, our own adult lives have demonstrated that these verses may not be true if we disagree with a sister or brother. You know, if someone's perspective is "stupid" or "ridiculous" then we can be angry with them. We can call them "fool" or any other word we want to call them. We can laugh at, mock, or publicly ridicule. "They've" earned it. Right? 

I wonder if our children are confused?

We tell our children that gossip and slander are sinful. They really shouldn't talk about people behind their backs. It's not what Jesus would want us to do. Then, we notice people living like we don't think they should live, and we spend countless hours analyzing and dissecting their choices. Of course, we'd disguise our gossip as concern or prayer request. But, let's be honest, it's gossip. It doesn't concern us. You know what's even more harmful? We talk about teenagers and their poor choices like we're labeling inmates for prisons. Nevermind that they're doing some of the same things WE did only a few years ago. Our sins just weren't slathered across social media. The adults in our lives couldn't see the messiness, so they couldn't weigh in with their "concern" and hatefulness. Man, am I grateful for that!

I wonder if our children are hurt? 

We tell our children not to fear. We remind them that the Bible tells us not to fear 365 times. Then, we read a statistic, see something in the news, or are faced with something we need to do that could be uncomfortable, and we allow our anxiety and fears to run wild. We make regular decisions based on "what if" rather than following the Holy Spirit in an adventure. 

I'm more reserved by nature, so my fears may not be out loud and public. When I'm feeling anxious, it looks more like a drill sergeant gone wild. In my fear and angst I try to manage and control everyone around me. I start barking orders and issuing threats that never work on headstrong teenagers. And, I'm glad they don't. Fear is a bully. Just because I'm allowing it to bully me doesn't mean it should get to wreak havoc in my home. 

But, I wonder if it causes my children to resent me and my orders?

Our Bible is very clear. When the external doesn't match the internal it's called hypocrisy. When words don't match actions, Jesus called our deeds worthless. He's much more interested in the heart. I've grown to realize that our teenagers share that interest. They couldn't care less about what we say if it doesn't line up with what they see. 

I can scream that I love Jesus on a daily basis, but if it doesn't affect the way that I treat people, love my husband, teach my classes, or order my life, my words are pretty much worthless. 

This is exactly why I've loved (and sometimes hated) having teenagers. They keep me humble, and they keep me honest. They also keep me searching for better ways. I don't want my hypocrisy to cause confusion that would lead to sin. It's so interesting to me that the Church will readily use the argument that we can't drink publicly because it could cause someone to stumble. But, we won't address the fact that our hypocrisy in the face of our children could cause resentment, leading to anger, leading to sin, 

....but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Matthew 18:6

That's serious. Maybe that's why it's weighing so heavily on me. Yes. There's an age of accountability, and our children (as they age) will be accountable for their actions. But, since I'm in a position to influence young lives, I feel great conviction to lead with me life. 

I want them to love their neighbors, so I'm going to love others in a big way. 

I want them to obey God and not worry about what the world around them thinks, so I'm going to "keep my eyes on my own paper" and worry only with what God calls me to do. I can't police the behavior of everyone else. I refuse to try.

I want them to see the grace of God on a daily basis, so I'm going to hand out kindness and grace like it's candy. At least I'm going to try. I want to offer grace even when it feels offensive to me. 

I want hearts to be transformed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ. So, I'm going to pray like my life depends on it, because only the Holy Spirit can accomplish that. And, since I teach that He is bigger than any sin, any mess, and any mistake, I'm not going to freak out over a sin, a mess, or a mistake. 

I really want to live like I believe the truths that I teach, because I believe our little ones (and teenagers are still little ones even if they don't want to be) are always watching.

Don't Be THAT Mom!

When I started writing here in 2008, our children were 5, 3, and 1. I used this space to share precious pictures, tell funny stories, and find ways to link them all with God and His Word. It was a way to share these things with friends and family that wouldn't have seen them any other way. Very quickly, it turned into a space where I could process what the Lord was doing in my heart and mind through my children and our world. 

This past weekend, I took that five-year-old to college and left him nine hours away from me. Goodness, I have some processing to do. Naturally, I've come here to do it. 

When Caleb was in PK4, he had a precious and knowledgeable teacher. Her name was Ms. Ruth, but Caleb called her Ms. Roof. (I could write for days and days about all of the ways my children said certain words the wrong but better way.) 

Ms. Ruth had older children. Therefore, any time she gave suggestions or parenting tips and hacks, I was all in. I am a teacher, but I'm also a pretty good student. As a new parent, I was always looking for best practices from those that parented well. 

Around the time of PK Graduation, I was talking with Ms. Ruth at her door about my "sadness" that Caleb was already going to Kindergarten. I said something like, "This is so sad. He's already off to real school, and he'll be graduating before I know it." I'll never forget how quickly Ms. Ruth said, 

Don't be THAT parent, Amy. Enjoy every season as they come, because they're all wonderful. Otherwise, you'll get to Graduation sad that you hadn't enjoyed a single one out of anticipation of it being over. 

I was stunned at the harshness. She put me in my place in a hurry. Ms. Ruth wasn't being mean. She was actually being quite kind. I'm just not sure many would have been bold enough to say what I needed to hear. 

I'm so thankful she did. And, if you've ever been in a Bible study with me, you've heard me share it over and over. It was meaningful to me. Her words stuck like glue to my very soul. I remembered them at every milestone, and they caused me to pause and enjoy the moment. 

Ms. Ruth wasn't disagreeing with the thought that time would fly by, or that Caleb's Graduation would happen way too fast. That part is true! There's no way around it. The tiny baby I held in my arms in 2003 became the man I hugged for dear life in the parking lot of a college dorm in the blink of an eye! 

But, the moments in the middle have been pretty special - precious, joy-filled, hard, beautiful, exciting, difficult, and a million other adjectives. I feel like I enjoyed them all! I'm just not sure I would have if a PK teacher hadn't cared enough to tell me what I needed to hear. I didn't love it in the moment, but it impacted my life for good. 

So, on Saturday night, we hugged our Caleb, got in the car, and didn't pull out of the parking lot until the door to his dorm closed. And, we cried! Then, I made my mental list of things I want to enjoy about the moment. Thankfully, this list is long.

Our next season will look different, but we are still here to enjoy it. I had my moments with Caleb as a baby, toddler, adolescent, and teenager. I'm thankful for them, but they are done. Now, I get to learn how to enjoy new moments. I feel certain the Lord will lead me, because this was all His plan anyway. 

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven,

Ecclesiastes. 3:1

Would You Join Us in Ministry?

Scotty and I have received many questions regarding our latest announcement. He has resigned from his position as Seminole Campus Pastor for Bridgepoint Church. This was not an easy decision for us. However, we are very certain that God has uncovered the next step in our journey with Him. We simply could not say, "no." 

Our hope and prayer is that we will be able to sit down with many of you to explain what our ministry will look like. We are praying for opportunities to be face to face again with those of you we haven't seen for years but who are a giant part of our life and ministry because of your prayers, constant encouragement, and love for us. We want to thank you in person, to express our love for you, and to share what God is doing in our lives now. 

For those of you that are close in proximity, we are praying for the opportunity to sit in small groups to express our gratitude for you as the people God has planted in our lives "for such a time as this." You are brand new gifts to us. A few short years ago, we couldn't imagine that we'd find relationships and ministry partners as precious as our family and friends in MS. In just a few short years, God has brought meaningful relationships into our lives. He's a good God, and He has demonstrated His goodness to us through the people He's brought to us in the beautiful area of St. Petersburg, FL. It needs to be said that we are pretty happy about the fact that we get to remain with you and in this area of the country. 

Scotty and I began 2020 in a week of intense therapy. During that week, we did some necessary personal work towards the next level of marriage healing. We had terrific therapists, and we believe God performed another miracle in our marriage and family during that time. What surprised us, though, is that God began opening our eyes to the idea that His calling for our ministry could be changing. Both of us want to continue investing in the local church, God’s plan for Gospel sharing and spreading in and through communities. But, we realized our part in His giant plan was shifting. 

We’ve spent a good bit of time praying; and, with every ounce of our being, Scotty and I believe we have been called to support pastors and their families for the tough job of leading their local churches. Shortly after making this decision, a personal friend of mine led us to Standing Stone Ministry. This is a ministry that takes care of pastors through retreats, counseling, and various kinds of support. It is a free ministry to pastors that need care. Leaders like Scotty are able to provide this care because of partners in ministry that give to support such a necessary mission. 

I would love for you to take some time reading about what this ministry has been doing for church pastors across the country. In December, we will visit Nashville to be trained on our next steps. Then, we will be reaching out to visit with you, and we are both very excited about the possibility of partnering in ministry with those we love. You can find the page to select Scotty's name here. 

Would you begin praying for us in this next adventure? Would you share this with others that could partner with us in prayer? Be on the lookout for news from us mid-December. By then, we will be so ready to contact you with information on how you can join us in this specific ministry.... helping, supporting, and equipping those who are giving their lives to work for the Lord of the harvest. 

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

Matthew 8: 35-38

Be Brave!

This week, I began a new Bible study. I have the privilege of leading on online Bible study group. During the summer months, I lead the ladies through a book study. It seems this year's pick could possibly push the leader more than the participants. Wow! 

In 2016, Scotty and I prayed a bold prayer together. We prayed that God would do one of two things; remove Scotty's passion to do ministry again or open the door to an opportunity. It was simply too difficult to live the in between any longer. God began answering that prayer within a month. It was absolutely amazing. 

Four years ago this exact week, we began saying goodbye to family and friends. We moved in pieces from North MS to St. Petersburg, FL. It was BY FAR the biggest decision we've ever made as a family. Yet, every part of it felt easy and right. 

Claire was sandwiched in between a multitude of things that didn't fit on the moving truck along with several animals. But, look how excited she is! It was an adventure that ended with a mad dash to Clearwater Beach. Meanwhile, Caleb and I finished up a State Tournament and made our 11 hour trip a week later. 

This brave, bold move was huge! Sometimes, I still can't believe we did it. The adventure didn't stop there.We've been "on the move" in a variety of ways since the day we arrived. Jesus, through the power of His Spirit has directed every step. 

For a few months, though, God has been stirring my heart again. I don't feel a major change being orchestrated. But, I do feel God telling me to be brave again. This time, though, I believe the brave steps will look a little more subtle but feel even more life changing. I believe God is telling me to care more about what He is asking me to be, or say, or do than I care about what others may think about it. Then, I opened my new book and stumbled upon these words immediately, 

Why had I sat on every gift God had given me to make Him known? Because I cared more about being judged by everyone else but Him! Jennie Allen

When Scotty and I faced the immediate shift in all that we'd ever known in 2011, I found this song that became my lifeline. It's my lifeline again. 

So long, status quo! I think I just let go.

I think maybe I don't care anymore about being the one that always does what everyone else believes is the right thing. 

I believe I may be bold enough now to use my voice for the people, the things, and the positions that aren't as popular in the "safe" and "pretty" environments that have always been my home. 

I'm thinking I may actually care about following Jesus fully than doing the dependable thing in the eyes of everyone in my circles. 

I simply have to follow Jesus! Ephesians 2:10 says that He created me on purpose with a purpose. Paul says that He has a plan that He intends for me to walk in, so I intend to obey. 

I'm two days in to a 40 day journey, and this could get really interesting. It's starting to feel like this life isn't as long as I once thought it was. There are assignments to start completing, and I'm all in. This is the tiny part of eternity that was chosen for me to walk on this planet, so I'm ready to do my part. 

Today, I'm thanking God for His patience and His provision. I'm begging Him for an extra dose of guidance and bravery each and every morning. Feel free to check in with me daily. I'll never turn away accountability. 

From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries. 

Acts 17:26

What is Bringing Life?

I've lost count of how many days we have been living this new life. I'll be the first to admit that I've experienced highs and lows. Each day has brought its own set of obstacles. At times, I've noticed the need for a focus shift quickly. I've given in to the difficulty at other times and sat in despair for too long.

This has been a good week, so I want to celebrate that. I've found a little bit of a rhythm with a determination to do things each day that bring life. And, surprisingly, the smallest things can bring the most joy.

An extended quiet time reading through a book of the Bible in a different version.

Setting a schedule that I try and stick to even though it's not completely necessary in a relaxed schedule.

Enjoying the sunshine daily listening to a positive podcast on a long afternoon walk.

Several years ago, I started logging a gratitude journal listing something I'm thankful for each morning. I'm amping that system up in quarantine and daily listing something or someone in my life that I appreciate and don't want to take for granted.

What I've noticed about myself that I'm learning is true of most people is that life has gotten emotional since our normal distractions have been taken away. Without our full schedules we have plenty of space to think about all of the emotions that we can normally squash and race past. I wonder if this was God's purpose all along? Is it possible the entire world needed to slow down long enough to feel again.

I'm going there with God, and I'm determined to experience all that He has for me during this unique season. In trying to numb myself to pain, I've also become numb to joy. I'm positive Jesus didn't die so that I could live numb.

Numb equals dead! Jesus died for life.

The mouse pad at my computer reminds me that this season is to remind me of my purpose... to know God and to make Him known. I will be still, know, share, and live.