I've always kept a pretty busy schedule. My parents still recount my teenage years and how I packed the social schedule FULL of activity. I really DO like to be on the go.
As I've mentioned here just lately, being "on the go" has gotten out of control. So, we HAD to make some life changes that would allow us to be away less and home more. And, man!, have we felt the benefits of that decision. There have been countless affirmations that we DID make the right choice for our family. I can't even begin to list the ways God has shown us that we are doing what is best for us right now.
However, I've still allowed Satan to invade my affirmations with doubt. On numerous occasions, I've allowed guilt and comparison to cause me to question. And, in essence, I've LET my peace be stolen.
First of all, WHY? And, secondly, does anyone else struggle with this?
Here's the problem. This past week, TOT started fully for me. The first couple of weeks are JUST CRAZY. There's no way around it. I can plan and plan. BUT... the first week involves many factors that I don't have control over prior to beginning. For THIS VERY REASON, I began school with my children 2 weeks before regular school. So, we've been ahead for the most part.
On top of that, on days that we weren't able to cover something that I'd planned, we pulled school back out later in the day and finished. Or, we did extra work on lighter TOT days so that we could take some time off of school when I needed to focus on TOT. All of this is WHY we made the decision to teach the kids at home. I work on a flexible schedule! And, we wanted them to also be on a flexible schedule (when necessary!).
I'm rambling, but do you see what I'm saying? All things worked out last week the way that we'd foreseen they would! We made it through my first week of work joyfully with all school work done and not too worn out. However, I still let myself compare/question/worry about whether or not our methods were o.k. And, it's alright to do that every once in a while. We need to check ourselves occasionally to make sure we are on the right track. But, once there's been affirmation, I believe it's just sinful to linger there in doubt and allow those doubts to steal peace.
I repented of that this morning. Both of our boys played tournaments in Tupelo all weekend. We were in the hot sun Friday night, Saturday (most of the day), and Sunday afternoon. By the time we got home last night at 7:00, we were ALL beat! ZAPPED! We had NOTHING left. So, when I woke up this morning to spend a little time alone, I was SO very grateful that we weren't going to have to wake our sleeping children and rush through another day. Caleb and Collin slept in a little. And, Claire slept till 9:30! We started school a little late, 1 thing got bumped till tomorrow while everything else was completed a little later than normal, BUT we finished. And, it seems that Claire STILL wasn't rested, because she has melted down a number of times, and I finally sent her to her room. It got awfully quiet QUICKLY, so I went to check.
I'm convinced that he has more power to do that in areas where we've stepped out and followed the Lord's lead.... especially if those areas LOOK a little different than the norm. At least that's been the case for me this week.
So, I really wanted to update today with all of our fun lessons, stories of our school time together, maybe even some pictures of school life here at home or my little workers on the road with TOT. But, I felt led, instead, to share this terrible habit of comparing and questioning myself with you. I pray, I study, I beg God for direction, He gives it to me, I step out in faith to follow, then I don't even enjoy the blessings of obedience because I'm second guessing mySELF at every turn.
This week, I WILL look for the joy in God's plan. I WILL REST in knowing that He's got this all figured out and will show me what I need to know WHEN I need to know it. And, I will refuse to give Satan even the smallest victory over my emotions and thought life.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
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