Don't Do Life Alone!

We were created for relationships! God said it, and I agree.

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."

Genesis 2:18

So, then, WHY are relationships so hard? Why is it that our helpers sometimes don't seem suitable for us? I'm just being honest; but, even with my helper, my natural tendency is still to isolate. And, can I really have a suitable helper if he doesn't really know me?

Over the past few years, I've uncovered this difficulty about me. I'm a "stuffer." We all know the huge complications that come from not sharing thoughts, emotions, and feelings. But, I have a really 'kind' reason for not wanting to share. If I feel like my feelings about a situation will hurt someone else's feelings, it's not worth it to me. I'd rather hide my emotions in order to save another's. 

For starters, there's this guy....

   
You better believe there have been some feelings over the years that I didn't want to share with him. They were tough emotions, and he'd caused some of them, and we'd been making so much progress, and I thought it would just stir it all up again to share? Wasn't that correct thinking?

The simple answer is, "YES!" But, Scotty, along with my really good therapist, have taught me that it's always worth it to share. It's the best, most healthy option to speak openly with your significant other even when the content is UGLY!

Now, I don't have to share the full extent of that content here. What I do want to share is the GIFT I've been given by Scotty's desire to enter in to this honest relationship with me. 

Full Acceptance. In a world where all of us are putting only our best onto social media, something is happening that is extremely ironic. The world has more access to our lives than ever, BUT no one sees any reality at all. Then, we can get so caught up in all of the 'likes' and positive comments that we believe we need that acceptance and wouldn't get it if anyone knew the less attractive parts of our lives. See, the Facebook version of me is many times different than the home version of me. Everyone doesn't have to know all of my junk. But if I didn't feel comfortable sharing the yuck with someone I'd be tempted to believe that the less attractive parts of me make me less than. I tell Scotty all the time, "I'm just a mess!" Letting someone see that and feeling his commitment to being WITH me IN that mess expresses complete acceptance to me. 

A Tool for Sanctification. Oh yeah... if you're married you are nodding in agreement now. A person is sanctified when he or she is used for the purpose God intended. I WANT THAT! Living with someone day in and day out is tricky. Living with and raising kids with someone that is so very different can create an impossible environment to live out the Godly life well. Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I'm convinced I could do this life better on my own. Here's why that's a big, fat, LIE.... On my own, I'd have no one to call me out on my hypocrisy. Now, don't take that the wrong way. My husband doesn't keep a running list of all of the ways my words and actions don't line up. However, it's in the difficulties of our communication that God is able to show me how I'm fighting against HIS best for me. The impurity within me bubbles to the surface; and, if I'll cooperate with it, God can use these uncomfortable interactions with Scotty to burn it away!  There are some things about Amy that must be burned up in order for me to fulfill the purposes God has for me. Many, many times, God uses Scotty to expose those things. 

Safety. This may seem like an odd one! In previous posts, I've written about the fact that Scotty has always had this deep down conviction that if anyone REALLY knew him they'd run from him quickly. There's depth there I won't go into. But, over the past couple of years, I've come to realize I have this same false belief, but it plays out a little differently. In my case, somehow I created this belief that to struggle outwardly may make it too difficult for others to be in relationship with me. In other words, I've felt that struggling outwardly in relationship would send those I love running away from me. It's fear, and it's unfounded, but it's been real. So, for a couple of years, relating to me has been beyond difficult for Scotty. And, HE'S STILL HERE.... every day.... asking for more (maybe he's crazy).... and committing to stay the course no matter what. Man, he must want to run sometimes. He doesn't! And, in that "stick and stay" mentality, I'm gaining a confidence and certainty that is new for me. 

So, we miss something beautiful in the pretty world of Facebook and Instagram. Truly knowing and being truly known even when the content is messy IS the beauty that is relational living. None of us will HIGH JUMP over messy obstacles to wellness in our relationships. 

Celebrations require accomplishments.

Victory requires a fight.

And, worthwhile relationships require true commitment.

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

 Ephesians 4: 1-3