I'm not sure I've ever really made sense of the why.... All I've known for the past couple of years is that God was doing an amazing work in my heart, in our marriage, and in our family. For me, it seemed that it would be selfish and sinful to keep that to myself. I NEEDED to brag on my God. The circumstances haven't been pretty, but His activity has been a beautiful sight to behold.
A few weeks ago, I was in an arena full of people, and a powerful speaker was sharing his thoughts on having vision for your life. I wish I could briefly share what I heard. There's no way! He shared stories from his life and from others. He was explaining the importance of knowing what you want, what you're aiming for, so well that you can SEE it. The point of his 1.5 hour session was this.... When you know what your ultimate chief aim is, nothing will stop you from striving for it.
In many areas of my life, I don't know my ultimate, chief aim. There are some areas of life that Scotty and I are working on. We are setting goals and striving for experiences we've never known. So, how do you picture this? How do you have vision when you can't really SEE what you want?
In the middle of my dilemma, I began to make some connections. As Mark Smith was speaking, I began to realize what the past couple of years have done for me. On August 26th, 2011, I received news that SHOULD HAVE wiped me out. Our family was devastated as I found out that the innocence of my marriage was gone. FOREVER! And, I hope previous posts allow you to know that I was devastated, because I was. However, my vision for the future of our family wasn't shaken. I had a repentant husband. We had supportive friends and family, and we were both committed to doing whatever we needed to do to restore.
I wish I could say that complete healing and restoration came from making that simple decision. It did not! The immediate days that followed were extremely hard. What was even harder, though, was realizing in the years that followed that there would be difficult days forever. For a time, it felt like we would take a step forward and then fifty steps backwards. That roller coaster takes a toll on a life. But, I never shifted in my resolve. No matter how hard the day, there was never a time that I thought, "Oh no! We aren't going to make it."
Never!
Not one day!
And, in the middle of an arena in Long Beach, CA, I put the pieces together. The reason my resolve couldn't be shifted is because I have VISION for our family. I can SEE graduations, weddings, grandchildren being born, and everything that goes with those events being enjoyed by us as a connected family. I know what the alternative is, and I want something different. I can SEE IT!
When I didn't want to sit in a room and share my feelings with a counselor, I did it anyway, because it was part of the process TOWARDS what I wanted in the end.
On days I woke up and didn't want to exert the energy needed to even get out of bed, I'd give myself a tiny bit of time in that funk. Then, I'd get up and push through the motions to think myself into a new feeling.
Remember that I'm bragging on my God and not on me! The reason I was able to cooperate with Him is because I consider my vision of the way this all ends BIGGER than the obstacles along the way. And, there it is.... my ultimate, chief aim. Without knowing it, I was applying this motivational speech to my life in the area of marriage, family, and adultery recovery. Because of that, we are experiencing victory!
But, there are other areas of life that I DON'T have vision. Therefore, when the hard times come, when challenges arise, I'm ready to quit. I get overwhelmed! I have trouble following through with the process. I've been doing A LOT of study and personal development in these areas, because I trust Jesus when He said, "I have come that you may have life and have it ABUNDANTLY."
I believe that is TRUTH for every area of my life. I don't believe that life is compartmentalized. I DO believe that I either acknowledge Christ's centrality in ALL OF LIFE, or I make him a little god that I pull out only for areas that I consider are spiritual.
So, I'm in the process of applying the VISION God gave me for our family to every area of my life.... relationships, business, education, health, and anything else that comes up. If Christ came for me to experience LIFE, FULL LIFE, I'm striving for that. I'm going for it! Why be satisfied with mediocre, just surviving, when HE HAS OVERCOME?!?! In Him, I can overcome too.
Therefore, I've determined that this blog is going to shift. My friend will be happy to know that all deep conversation about the moral failure that took over our family will not take up space here again. Instead, I'm going to share my journey towards fullness of life. But, just know that all I've learned in the process of marriage healing has provided the courage and faith to pursue the same VICTORY in other areas too.
Thank you for allowing me to share what most consider taboo. Thank you for even encouraging me in it. I've gotten some of the kindest messages over the years. I appreciate them all. If I'd hidden what the Lord was doing, I'm afraid "the rocks would have cried out." But, now God is doing a new thing. He's leading me to share that OVERCOMING is a mindset, and it's a mindset for EVERY area of life.
Here's what I know.... FEAR & FAITH can't coexist. So, I'm choosing FAITH! Not once! I'm not going to be selective about what I can and can't overcome. In all things, I'm choosing faith, because my days are numbered. I want EVERY, SINGLE one to count.
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