What Ifs...

Prior to our move to New Albany, I posted an entry titled, "He is ENOUGH." In that post, I printed a quote from one of Matt Chandler's sermons....

"Even if you love Jesus Christ, it is very possible - even probable - there will be days and seasons where your tears and your snot are your only food. Days where you - in a ball on the floor - can't think weekly or monthly or it would CRUSH you. There will be days where the thought of having to endure longer than today feels impossible. And, I'm talking about those that LOVE Jesus Christ.... The beauty of the gospel is NOT that in trusting Christ everything goes like you want it to go. The beauty of the gospel is that we get GOD regardless of our circumstances and HE IS ENOUGH!"

I love that quote, because it is just SO true! And, the fact that HE IS ENOUGH is the fourth lesson I've learned through our healing from adultery. This lesson follows the lesson that life takes work for a very good reason.

 When I was confronted with Scotty's unfaithfulness and the deep remorse that followed, I was completely confident that I wanted to stick it out and work on our marriage. I had no doubts about that. However, as you might expect, I did/do experience occasional anxiety over the "what ifs" of our future.

• What if Scotty does this again in the future?
• What if the thoughts of what happened are ALWAYS a part of my life?
• What if Scotty can't deal with the fact that I STILL have bad days years into the healing process?

This list could go on..... and on..... and on.......

And, the frustrating thing about this list is that there are no guarantees. Despite our best intentions, we just don't know what will happen in the future. Scotty could attempt to assure me that he will NEVER do this again. But, he didn't really PLAN to do it in the first place.

The many books that I've read and the therapists we've seen can tell me that my undesirable thoughts that pop up out of nowhere will lessen with time, but they can't PROMISE that they will.

Do you see what I'm saying? THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES!!! And, honestly... that's unsettling.

You have your own "what ifs" even if you aren't healing from adultery. If you've committed to a process that takes work of any kind, there are absolutely NO guarantees that your work will stand the test of time. Unsettling, right?

So, if life can give me no guarantees, where do I go? What do I trust?

I trust that God, through His Son, Jesus Christ,will ALWAYS be enough!

• If I find myself in another situation where someone I trust has been unfaithful, God will be faithful. And, that will be ENOUGH!
• If I am still having unwanted and unpredictable thoughts about things & people I don't want to think about years down the road, God will bring peace in the midst of each storm. And, that will be ENOUGH!
• If Scotty decides that my inability to completely forget the past even though I've chosen to forgive is too much for him to handle, God will be able to handle it. And, that will be ENOUGH!

Are there areas in your own life where you could apply the lesson that God is ENOUGH? What are the "what ifs" that have you paralyzed and unable to commit to the work it will take to make your difficult situations better. It's just a "what if"! It may NEVER happen. There are NO guarantees. But, if you are able (if I am able) to trust that GOD IS ENOUGH even if the worst comes true, the "what ifs" lose their power.

You see, God IS the reward we are searching for. In our humanity, we are always working, always striving for the big payoff.... a job, a spouse, a certain income, healthy children, a healed marriage. Don't get me wrong.... Those aren't bad things! But,we will miss something if we make those things/relationships the ultimate goal. Look at the intro to God's covenant making scene with Abraham....

“Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” Genesis 15:1

God was promising Abram salvation, freedom and more offspring than he could count. But, He introduces HIMSELF as the great reward. The outcomes we experience here on earth are only a means to bring us to the Savior. So, good or bad, let your what ifs be just that.... the vehicle driving you to the conclusion that HE is the great reward. HE IS ENOUGH!

He was, He is, and He will always be!

LIFE Takes Work!

I fully intended to write back to back posts including lessons I've learned through adultery and recovery. And, as is usually the case, time has gotten away from me. But, I'm determined to finish even if it takes longer than I intended.

Hopefully, you've noticed that my lessons kind of build on each other. I've learned that God is sovereign over ALL. And, because of HIS sovereignty, I do not have to live like a victim. My third lesson builds on that and may be the only lesson that isn't necessarily great news.

I'm not doomed to living as a victim, BUT... living differently takes WORK.

Now, that's not terrible news. Everything in life that's worth anything takes work. And, some things take LOTS of work. There are some things in life that we expect will be difficult. At some point, I imagine we've all chosen to do things knowing that they'd require discipline and determination to achieve the goal. And, we chose them anyway, because these things were worth it.

Anyone who has ever run a marathon (half or whole) chose to endure a rigorous process in order to prepare to finish and cross a finish line. I can think of choices in occupation that require sacrifices in time and money. But, many choose these paths, because of their desire/calling to do a certain job. We'd never expect either of these outcomes to just happen.

In our recovery, Scotty & I have discovered (and it shouldn't have been surprising) that deciding to stay together in the immediate aftermath of confession was only the beginning of a long, rigorous process. From the outside, I guess it could look like Scotty said, "I'm sorry", and I said "You're forgiven", and that was that. Let me just say, you DO NOT really heal from adultery with that process.

I'm going to "get on my soapbox", "chase a rabbit", or whatever phrase applies. Over the past 2 years, many situations have been brought to us of couples faced with adultery. I am OVERWHELMED & DISGUSTED by the number of these couples that want to make healing as simple as "I'm sorry" and now let's move on. So many hurting couples seem to want to "sweep it under the rug" and get on with life. That's absurd! And, the reason why I get so heated over this attitude is because it reveals how many people don't value marriage as God intended us to value it. I believe this attitude towards healing from adultery proves that most couples AREN'T living in the marriage intimacy that was intended for us and don't have a desire to get there. Marriage is a BIG DEAL & we should treat sin against marriage as a BIG DEAL. Committing adultery and then expecting a spouse, children, extended family to "just get over it" says there's no understanding of God's design for marriage. And, spouses that choose to forgive too quickly and attempt to "just move on" might think they're choosing an easier route. But, I believe it will prove to make life even more difficult down the road.

As I stated in an earlier post, I will not live like I am a victim. However, that doesn't mean I get to take an easy way out. It means I get to choose to partner with God and to partner with my husband in a task that gets rough, dark and frightening. It means that when faced with a choice to bury deep hurt and emotions or expose them, I choose to expose in order to GROW in relationship with God and with Scotty rather than "stuffing" things that will only divide us. And, it means that we're committed to the process of therapy, hard conversations, and honesty no matter how long it takes.

I think one of Satan's greatest schemes is tempting us to compare ourselves to others. It's so easy to look at other marriages and other families and think that life sure is easy for them. I'm convinced that it isn't. I'm convinced that people experiencing abundant life as individuals, in marriages and in families have chosen to work really hard in partnership with the Lord. None of us just naturally drift towards the full life that God intended. Nope! When we allow ourselves to drift, we begin to settle for mediocrity and normalcy, which become the road to disaster in many cases.

I know that not everyone reading this blog is healing from adultery. But, every believer reading is on a sanctification journey. Taking the easy way out in any facet of life will never lead to full, abundant life. In this world, the road to complete JOY in Christ is narrow, because few seem to understand that true happiness CAN be found in difficulty. So... do the WORK. Don't try to cover up the yucky. Admit it, find help for it, and make the choice that God's design for your life is worth the process EVEN IF it's hard. If the abundant life were easy to achieve, we'd see a lot more of it. I want to be one of the few.

"But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" Matthew 7:14

Friendship...

In the past 23 months, I have tried to be VERY careful about the wording of my posts. My situation is a delicate one in that the pain I've felt was due to actions committed against me. Those actions were committed by people close to me AND those people are known by most who have followed my blog. Obviously, I could be open about my feelings toward Scotty and his betrayal, because he is really the only one whose actions make any difference to this family and our future. I DID NOT and I DO NOT want this place to be a place where slanderous things were said about other people.

I set this post up that way, because what is on my mind could possibly be taken as a direct attack on others. But, that is not my intention at all. Please read on with that understanding. I'm going to share pretty deep hurts and emotions, but I'm not sharing them to tear down other individuals. I'm sharing them, because they help me process my inner thoughts and feelings.

It's obvious to all who have read this blog for any length of time that Scotty and I are in the process of healing from his adultery. Those of you that haven't followed for any length of time may not know that or that his unfaithfulness involved more than one person and each of them were friends of mine. One had been my best friend as long as I've been married and had children. Goodness... that's still hard to say.

In hindsight, I can see that there were many red flags in my relationships with these women. Not necessarily in the way they responded to my husband, but in the way they responded to me. Looking back, I can see many instances where these women clearly demonstrated their lack of concern for me, my family and my children. And, for a lot of time, I've been upset with myself that I was unable to voice those concerns to anyone.... especially these women. Every time I was faced with the obvious truth that a friend was insensitive, verbally inappropriate, selfish, demanding or emotionally unstable, I would at first be convicted to re evaluate our relationship. But, each time, I would end up being disappointed with myself. Each time, I'd walk away feeling like I needed to be a little more understanding, open minded and forgiving.... I needed to be a better friend.

Well, that didn't work out so well, and there is nothing I can do about that NOW. But, I HAVE learned from my situation. The main thing I have learned is that I must always trust the Holy Spirit  within me. I'm not saying that every time I get irritated with someone, I should take it as God's warning to stay away from that person. But, I AM saying the Holy Spirit is God's gift to us. When, we have a tug inside of us that says, "something here isn't right", we need to investigate, pray, and ask God if He's speaking wisdom to us.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

Scripture instructs us to guard our hearts. So, if God is showing us inconsistencies in those around us, we may need to create some distance in order to guard our heart from possible danger.

Secondly, I realized that the reason it was and still is difficult for me to recognize hurtful motives in friends is because I was given the gift of wonderful friendships very early in my life. I've spoken of my 3 friends (Stephanie, Laney & Macy) many times in this blog. I am very often overwhelmed that God gave these friends to me at a time when we really were not old enough to understand what friendship is to be. But, they've proven time & time again that they DO understand friendship. This past weekend, I was able to go to McComb for a 20 year class reunion. It was amazing, and it helped me to realize that God's gift of great friendships isn't isolated to only Steph, Laney & Macy. No. When it comes to true friendships, my cup runneth over. :)

This isn't the greatest picture, but these are GREAT friends. And, this past weekend, I was surrounded by many more. I enjoyed every minute of visiting and catching up with "old" classmates. I think everyone in attendance had a blast. But, the room wasn't filled with people just having a great time. It was filled with people who genuinely love each other... People who have experienced enough of life to know that we must be grateful for the gift of friendship. I know I probably sound like a cheesy Hallmark commercial, and I'm crying right now like I'm watching one.Oh well....

Here's the downfall of having friendships as special as I've had VERY early in life.... You EXPECT that everyone views friendship as you do. You never go into a relationship hesitant that the other person isn't as committed to being a good friend as you are and past friends have been. And, everyone is NOT.

But, the up side to having friendships like these that began long ago and carry on until today is that you NEVER give up on having friends. Yes! I've been betrayed in friendship. And, that betrayal should send me into a shell where I can't open up and refuse to trust others in friendship again. But, I can't do that! Why? Because God has placed amazing people in my life that have been encouraging and uplifting to me for a really long time. And, their investment in my life won't allow me to give up on friendship. They remind me that God called us to live in relationship with other people, and THAT was a beneficial calling.

So, thank you, friends. You all mean the WORLD to me (again, some of you aren't pictured), and I'll never be able to express how truly grateful I am to call you "friend".

A View of Our Summer

 

Yep.... We live in a different place, but our summer view is pretty much the same.  We still spend most of our summer watching 2 talented boys on a ball field. Some people may have seen it as a curse to have found 2 new ball teams within a month of our move. However, we believe that it was just another way that God paved the way for our move to North MS.

We love our time on a ball field! I think it's one of our favorite ways to spend family time together. I'll be the first to admit that our family has allowed ball to be too high of a priority in our life in the past. And, because we have two boys that LOVE sports, we will likely always struggle to find balance in this area. But, for this past year, we've been able to enjoy baseball for exactly what it should be... extracurricular fun! And, we've had a lot of it.

Even Claire loves the ball field. She finds friends easily, and they run off to find an adventure. Occasionally, she will return to her seat to cheer, clap and yell out "Go #7 or #10". But, for the most part, she's off to play BIGGER things. :)

BUT... because the boys need practice time too, I also spend a large piece of time in the car... waiting. And, Claire can find a way to make those times entertaining too...

 Yes. We love our summers. As we load up each Saturday morning heading to a ball field for a FULL day of baseball and HEAT, I'm always mindful that many people would find this kind of weekend torture... especially if it happened for weeks and weeks in a row. However, we LOVE it. And, I believe THIS is just another example of God's goodness towards us. Before the foundation of the world, we were intricately designed (right down to our interests) for the life planned for us. That's just awesome!

Lesson #2....

Surprisingly, my last post was therapeutic for me. I know that many couples rebuilding after adultery find it difficult to talk about it outside of themselves, but Scotty and I have found great comfort in the exposure of our crisis. We've been supported by so many, and we have been encouraged to be able to share our experience with others. In less than 2 years, God has used our situation to help others facing similar issues. For that reason, we've determined to be transparent and to show what most may try to cover.

So, I'll go on to lesson #2 -- Operating with a victim mentality does NOT demonstrate trust in God's character.

Have you ever been confronted with people who preach a wonderful message but never seem to live out the truths of their message? Personally, I've come in contact with those people, and I've been that person.

Now, in the fallout of adultery within my marriage, I AM the victim. This is true. But, if I really believe the lesson that I shared last week.... the character of God can be trusted.... I will not live and act as a victim.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4: 7-9

Scripture is very clear... In this world, we WILL have trouble! But, God's Word says that HE has overcome the world. So, when bad things happen in my life, I have a choice in my response. I can't think of many things that could be worse in marriage than living through adultery, BUT I still have a choice in my response. Will I respond in hatred and bitterness? Will I cower in distrust and blame all future pain on what's been done TO me?

Or, will I respond in boldness? Will I face every reminder and every difficulty as one who has been hard pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned? Will I trust the character of God enough to say that IN HIS POWER, I will be the victor rather than the victim regardless of what comes my way?

I'm going to be honest with you and confess that I have not exhibited the confidence of a victor 100% of the time since August, 2011. Even though God has proven faithful to me more times than I can count, there have been days that I chose to act like a victim. And, that's disappointing to me.

But, my daily prayer is that God will constantly remind me of HIS victory, HIS power and HIS strength which is made perfect in my weakness. He CAN'T be a victim. And, I am in HIM!

I don't know what you're facing.... In every season of life and in every relationship, there are negative things that happen TO us that are out of our control. At some point, we will ALL be the victim in situations. People WILL fail us, and we WILL have troubles. You can choose to take on the mentality of a victim when those things happen. You can become bitter, resentful and distrusting of everyone. Honestly, this world wouldn't expect anything different. You'll fit right in and probably even get a lot of sympathy.

But, I've always been drawn to people who demonstrate JOY in difficulty. It has always appeared that they know something that I don't know and have experienced things that I've not experienced. Adultery in my marriage has taught me that I can know this secret too....(Col. 1:27) "Christ in you; the hope of glory." 

There's no mountain too high, no battle too tough, no marriage too damaged when I believe this promise to be true. So, I AM a victor! I refuse to ACT like a victim.

Lessons Learned Through Adultery... Part 1

Wow! What a title, right?

Scotty has started a blog, and his entries do not hide the fact that we are living the journey of recovery from adultery. We are still very much in the midst of healing. But, we also share a desire to minister to others from our experience. In light of his recent posts, my mind has been highlighting some of the lessons that I've learned or that have been reapplied BECAUSE OF our journey.

Lesson #1 -- God's character can be trusted.

Seems pretty simple, I guess. At some level, I've believed this to be true most of my life. It's a statement that is spoken regularly throughout churches... a Sunday School answer that many of us don't even REALLY think about. Until we have to...

And, I've had to REALLY consider WHO God is over the past 2 years. A discussion (well, argument) that I've listened to a number of times is the argument of "God is love" or "God is just". I've listened to preachers and teachers that are heavy in the "God is love" theme. God's love is a characteristic that many worldly personalities like to speak of. I believe that God is LOVE!

But, I've also listened to preachers and teachers that speak mainly of God being just. Usually, with a tone of anger and disgust with humanity, these teachers somehow display a God that is irritated and just waiting to send forth punishment on those that sin. But, I believe that God is JUST!

I just don't believe that these statements contradict each other. God IS love. The Bible states it repeatedly. Love is WHO God is, and He can't act apart from WHO He is. So, His love requires Him to be just. There must be consequences for sin, because ultimately, sin will kill us. It would NOT be loving for God to allow His children to continue on in their sin until that sin ultimately kills them. In HIS perfect love, He provides judgement/consequence that allow us to see our great need for Him and His loving guidance.

God is also supremely sovereign. Absolutely nothing happens that He has not allowed. And, if you've never come to a place in your life where you've questioned that sovereignty, hang on & get ready! I think we must wrestle with this aspect of God's character in order to get to a place of honest trust.

See, here's the truth of my situation. God saw ALL of the sin and failure that could have destroyed my family. Under NO circumstance do I believe that God caused ANY of those happenings. BUT... He allowed every single one of them. And, if He'd wanted to, He could have stopped each and every one. (Pause. Deep, deep breath.) He did not.

Why? I'm not positive, and I may not ever be positive about the "why" until eternity. But, I have a feeling that God knew that sin and failure would be the catalyst that turned Scotty's heart towards THE Savior. In God's love, He had to allow Scotty's sin to reap pretty heavy consequences in order to demonstrate that HIS way is the only way that truly works. And, I believe that I needed to come to a place of complete surrender to THE God who has each and every second of this life under complete control.

He's so sovereign! He's just! And, He's love. Only THIS God could use a situation as ugly as the one that we've lived through and bring about beauty. Only THIS God could take complete and utter failure to make a man more confident, strong and Godly. And, only THIS God would do it in such a way that makes me even more aware that Father God loves us with an everlasting love.

I'm so grateful that THIS God is MY God. We can't REALLY love Him until we REALLY know Him. And, sometimes it takes a tragedy to see who He is.Almost 2 years out of our tragedy, I can promise you that what I've come to know in HIM has been worth every tear.

Be BRAVE in 2013

I love this time of year. Well, honestly, I would love it more if it was just a wee bit warmer. But, that's just me. And, I know it's SUPPOSED to be cold in January. So, I try not to complain too much. Still.... ready for warmth.

In the past couple of years, I've heard so many say that they just don't do resolutions anymore, because they've grown tired of not accomplishing them. Actually, I've spoken those same words plenty of times. But, this year, I have a different view. Throughout 2012, I was introduced to people in situations that seemed hopeless to them. Now, they wouldn't TELL you that they'd lost hope. But, their choice in phrases gave them away.

It doesn't matter. That's never worked for ME.

That SOUNDS good, but I know it wouldn't work.

I'm just going to be (you fill in the blank) forever.

I'm sure you've heard something similar before.Maybe you've even spoken something similar before. I know that I have. But, this year, I'm concerned with the WHY behind those statements.

You see, I believe that these phrases reveal the wish for something new, different, BETTER, long ago. But, somewhere along the way, we have grown comfortable in our circumstances. We've decided that THIS is GOOD ENOUGH, because our attempts at change haven't panned out.

Do any of these situations sound familiar to you?

I've read all of those books on having a better marriage. They don't work for us! I can't do all of that alone, and I don't get any help. I just need to be satisfied with things as they are.

I know that I need to lose a few pounds, but I don't know where to start. And, I've tried every diet trick in the book. They've never worked! I'll give this a try, BUT... I'm not expecting much.

I'm so sick of struggling financially. I've begged God to show us a way out, and there have been NO answers. I guess He wants us to struggle forever. 

Well, I'm sorry. But, that's just the way I am.

Hopelessness. It's buried in every one of those examples. And, why do we wind up at this point after numerous attempts at change. I believe the answer to that question is FEAR. If I continue to push, to try, to work and then continue to lose, to FAIL, to quit, what does that say about me? That fear causes many (including me at times) to count ourselves out before we ever start. That way, we can be the victims and say, "well, I knew it wouldn't work. But, at least I tried."

You see, I believe that we all get to a point in early adulthood where we determine the way our lives are going to go. Maybe that is the point when we really come to terms with what we want out of life. And, even if we don't do it in an organized and formal manner, I think we all sort of map out our whole lives as we think they should go.

But... the problem is that they rarely go THAT way. In our youth, however, we will continue to force that map, because it's a GOOD plan. It encompasses ALL that we've hoped for and imagined. No matter how hard we push, though, some things just never work out like we'd hoped.

And so, we wind up at a crossroads. Do I continue to face life with the same hope and drive that I always have even though the outcomes might look different than I originally planned? Or, do I stew over the fact that no matter how hard I try, certain things just never work for me?

The answer to this question determines whether our lives move on dictated by HOPE and successes or BITTERNESS and quitting. And, really... this IS our choice! God determined that it would always be OUR choice. And, each and every time we find ourselves in the middle of our struggle (you know the ONE that seems to ALWAYS be there), we have to determine whether we want to be hopeFUL or bitter.

So, what are your struggles? Life has many. And, it's so easy to look at someone who SEEMS to have it all together and say, "they have NO idea what I'm going through." And, many times they do not. I, personally, have NO idea about the struggles of; drug/alcohol addiction, extreme overeating and weight gain, infertility, single motherhood, and this list could go on and on. But, if I'm honest, I DO know the pain of struggling financially. This is a constant battle for us. And, I DO know the struggle of growing up in a family divided. And, that is a struggle that doesn't go away when you leave the house. Every stage of my life has brought about new struggles in this area. Unfortunately, I DO know the struggles involved in rebuilding a marriage when trust has been broken.

Here's what I've learned about my own struggles.... They are all very different, but they all have one thing in common. I'm constantly taking a few steps forward followed by a few steps back. And, when I take the steps backward, I am consistently faced with the temptation to say, "Forget it! I just can't make this work". And, the next time that I'm faced with the opportunity to see a little hope for better in my struggles, I have to decide if I'm going to be BRAVE enough to HOPE for that change.

Yes. Brave!

It's a brave person that looks at the challenge/struggle set before her... you know, the one that's been there FOREVER... and says, "this time could be different". Only the brave would choose to TRY when every previous effort has failed.

Does it make sense to continue to hope in somewhat hopeless situations? NO! Is it easy to hope when EVERY past example says that to do so would be insane? NO! Does the Bible call us to this kind of hope? YES!

And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance produces character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5: 3-5

See.... It's never silly or shameful to hope for better as believers. Our hope is in the Lord. He is the ONE, the ONLY ONE, that can change/modify our situations and struggles. He doesn't NEED my help to fix these struggles that I continue to have. But, He's determined that I work WITH Him to overcome. That's free will. 

We all have the choice to walk forward in HOPE or to dig our heels in and stand firm in FEAR that acts out in bitterness. I've seen both!

One response is Godly, beautiful, inviting and makes THIS life seem like the adventure with God that it is. The other response is worldy, ugly, repelling and makes life seem like drudgery until death. The answer seems obvious, yet the most attractive choice ISN'T the choice easily lived out.

So.... 2013. What do you want? What are you wishing for? What would you like to see God achieve IN YOU? 

Be brave, my friend! Hope for it with all that you have. This could be the year that, with Him, we see our resolutions fulfilled. 

Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

But, be careful. When we truly delight in the LORD, the desires of OUR hearts become the desires of HIS heart and sometimes end up looking NOTHING like the original desires of OUR hearts.

He's good like that..... 

Irony...

Happy FALL Tuesday morning, all! Don't you just love this season? I think it's my favorite, and I get a boost of energy this time of year. This morning, I've already taught spinning, jogged, fixed breakfast, done a few loads of laundry and enjoyed a sermon on my iPod. AND... I still have to get ready to teach two TOT classes yet I've decided I have time to blog. Hmmmm.... This may not be the best decision.

A few days ago, I posted a status update on Facebook which revealed my disgust with pastors/people/teachers/etc. that lead others to believe that salvation and freedom are found in keeping the Law. These kinds of teachers usually introduce the Bible as a "guide for how we should live".

This type of teaching frustrates me, because I believe that it is only part of the story. I think it shares only a PIECE of the gospel, and it's not a very good piece if nothing else is shared. But, I also understand that in sharing my thoughts/feelings, some might think that I don't see a place for the teaching of law, like I'm AGAINST rule following.

There's really nothing that could be further from the truth. But, when I hear someone share Christianity in a way that leads others to DO better rather than to REST in the ONE who has done it all PERFECTLY, I know something is missing. Let me try to explain myself.

The sermon series that I am currently listening to is on Hebrews. It is taught by Matt Chandler at The Village Church, and it is from 2006. Hebrews is FILLED with references to the law and the Old Testament priests. In essence, the author of Hebrews says that the former way (Old Testament keeping of the law) didn't work. God established the law. Humanity demonstrated that it could not keep the law. Therefore, the system of priesthood had to be established SO THAT we could continue on in relationship with God. And, honestly, when you read through the sacrifices and feasts and routines that had to be followed, it's exhausting! So, Christ came as THE High Priest. He lived the perfect life, and He died. HIS death and life restore us with God. In fact, Hebrews states many times that Jesus is the BETTER way. He is the guarantee of a BETTER covenant.

So if Jesus is THE way and the gospels tell us that His work is finished... COMPLETE, why do we keep running back to the law? It so confuses me, because I believe that the law was established to bring us to the END of ourselves. Actually, following laws establishes some safety and provides some order for society. But, in the end, Christ points out that if following the law is our means to salvation, we must follow it PERFECTLY... ALL OF IT... in word, in deed, and in our thoughts. If  I allow the Law to do it's job, I realize after only seconds have passed that I need HELP. I  need a Savior!

So, I get frustrated with teachers pushing the law OVER relationship with a gracious and merciful Jesus, because when life gets hard and circumstances seem unbearable, following a list of do's and don'ts has NO POWER to provide life. For those people in this world that are CAUGHT in addictions to alcohol, drugs, food, whatever.... bearing down and DOING the right thing will work only for a while. But, we don't have the POWER to overcome them in ourselves. We need a Savior!

For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God DID by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. Romans 8:3

Hallelujah! He DID it. That's past tense. It really is finished. He's overcome it all and my only job now is to REST in Him.

Here's the ironic part of my story. While my listening has been in Hebrews, my quiet time reading has been in Psalm 119! The WHOLE Psalm speaks of the  psalmist,s LOVE for the law. :).

I will never forget your precepts.

I love your commands.

Your commands are my delight.

With each of my readings, I'm in agreement with the psalmist. I also believe the law is important. And, I love reading and studying the Word. But, it was never meant to be my salvation. It was never meant to be my focus.

It DEMONSTRATES that I need a Savior, and then it points me to that Savior. When I truly found Christ (not just for salvation and the assurance of heaven but as healer, friend and Redeemer) and learned to REST in His care and His provision, the Law (His Word) became my delight. I trust the Word of God, because I KNOW the Son of God. I desire to follow in His ways, because I believe that He is THE Way.

Here's my fear.... Are we dressing up, playing the part, following the rules and NEVER being honest about the darkness within us? It's there! The struggles are real for everyone. If following rules has become our salvation SO THAT no one ever knows the darkness within us, then the Law hasn't served it's purpose in us. There IS struggle. There IS weakness. Because we ARE human. God's Word points that out clearly. Then, it shows me the One who fulfilled that Law FOR us. That's why I love the Word. That's why I cling to His laws and decrees.

If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. Psalm 119:92

Update...

Wow! What a crazy, hectic, unbelievably busy time of year. For me, it's always been that way. The life of a school teacher is chaotic during the late summer and early fall months. I gave that life up to be Mom, and now school beginning is crazy again because all three have their own school schedule.

But, this year we added a few extras. :). Moving! Unpacking! Settling in! Registering for NEW everything! Oh yeah... and starting a new business!

Yep! The last few months are a FOG! They are almost as foggy as the newborn months for each of the 3 C's. I'm not sure I'll remember ANY of it. But, we survived.

The kids are settled in, and they ABSOLUTELY love New Albany. I knew they'd adjust, because they're kids. But, I had NO idea they would fall in love with this place and these people as quickly as they have. And, I NEVER dreamed that the children in their schools would be so eager to include them.

Scotty and I are settled in. This small town already feels like home to us, and we've met some great people who have helped to make this transition an easy one. God has continued to provide for us exactly what we need when we need it and has confirmed OVER AND OVER that THIS is where we belong.

Starting a TOT business here has been CRAZY since I AM NOT a salesperson. Man! Have I had to step out of my comfort zone big time! And, what I discovered... again... is that blessings abound outside of the comfort zone. There's NOWHERE that is outside of God's comfort zone. So, He has been ready and willing to take over when I was faced with a job that I felt I COULD NOT do.

I wish I could load lots and lots of pictures to "show" pieces of our new life. I'd love to retell all of the stories that demonstrate how perfectly planned this move was for us. I just don't have the time and you wouldn't read all of it anyway. :)

What I do want to say is that while confirmation has been given time and time again that the Rogers belong in New Albany, MS, there have still been countless times that we've started to do something only to have it not work out "correctly".

Registering the kids for school did not go as smoothly as we would have hoped it would go.

Setting up "home" is having to be done in pieces, although I'd really like for every picture, every wall and every room to be perfect NOW.

We still have not come to a conclusion as to which church will be best for us.

Finding schools to allow me to do TOT proved to be harder than I had though it would be.

This list could really go on forever. But, it would be pointless. Because in every instance, I could then tell you how and why it worked BETTER the way it happened. Everything has taken place exactly as it should, because I've (we all have) been called into greater dependence on Him. In every example that I've given, just as I've started to fret and worry, God has come through in such a mighty way. I never had to guess WHO was at work. He has been showing me that He is working on behalf of me and my family in ways that I can't even imagine.

So, there is a verse that is now taped to the wall in my office. It's the verse that I speak in my head each morning. And, it's the reason that I voice my hopes and my desires to the Lord but then desperately plead for His way and not my way. He's proven that He knows so much more than I do. (big smile) And, He's shown me HOW MUCH I would have missed out on had we refused to follow His lead even though we couldn't see how it would/could work.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.  Proverbs 16:9

God's sovereign will is something I've grown to love, seek and TRUST! There's absolutely nothing that can derail His plan for my life. And, life is much more peaceful for me when I wake up in the morning asking the Lord to show me the steps He's determined for me.

The Fighter

So... I'm a runner! Truthfully, I'm a jogger. But, no one ever says, "I'm going for a jog." We say we're going running. And, it sounds really good. So I'm o.k. with that.

Running is something I've always wanted to be able to do. And, until 3 years ago, I COULD NOT! I've always been in pretty good shape. I love the gym and have usually done classes. But, when I'd try running, my lungs would fail me. I could run! Or, I could breathe! But, I couldn't manage both at the same time.

So, it's empowering for me to get out there and run 2, 3, 5 miles and not collapse. And, the secret to my being able to run in the beginning was the music! Carefully planned playlists were loaded to my iPod for each run, and when there was no more music, there was not more running.

My playlists are a mixture. There's definitely some praise and worship. But, I have some popular and rock music as well. The other day I downloaded a song currently being played on the radio called, The Fighter. It's a GREAT song for a running playlist. But, let me just go ahead and warn you that there are a couple of not so good words. I'm sorry if you think less of me now.

Moving on... I was listening to the words, and I began to have some real spiritual thoughts associated with the lyrics. It's basically talking about pressing on in uncertain times. The artist is urging others to FIGHT regardless of what your situation looks like or what others expect from your life.

In this day and time, "FIGHT" isn't a word we like to use. In recent years, devastating acts have led to things like "zero tolerance" in schools and in homes. "PEACE" is a much more socially accepted term. And, we've almost moved into a "peace at all cost" mentality. As believers, we've lost too many battles searching for peace regardless of the cost.

However, that's not at all the kind of life that Jesus led. I think He was a fighter. I don't believe He just started fights for no reason. I also don't think He fought like the religious expected Him to fight. But, Jesus knew what His purpose in life was. And, when something or someone came against that purpose, He fought against it. And, when the opposition was a bunch of Pharisees trying to exalt the law... rules that THEY had established as the way, the truth and the life, Jesus fought against THEM! Praise God for that. Praise Him that even though this world is STILL full of Pharisee that will take rules over relationship as a way of life, He has given us His Word that shows us He has a better way. Jesus is the ONLY way.

O.K., I could write and write on the frustrations of legalism and rule following and how teachers of this practice have led people in NEED of a Savior away, but that's not my point of writing today. So, I'll get back on track.

My question as I listened to this song was, "What's holding us back?"

What do we need to fight against in order to enjoy the FULL, abundant life that God ordained for us in Christ Jesus? Is there anything that hinders us, but we've made peace with it, because fighting against it would just be too hard?

Some of the things that I thought of were...

Our marriages! Obviously, this one is HUGE to Scotty and me. How many of us are going through the motions of life with a partner but NEVER enjoying our spouse intimately as God intended? Maybe, life is good... great kids, community, work, etc. But,  close relationship and real SHARING of life is missing and you've decided that's just how marriage is when you "grow up". NO! Fight against it! God meant for there to more than sharing a home with a mate. If you feel like something is missing, I'd be willing to bet there is. Let the first step in the fight be swallowing pride and asking for help BEFORE it's too late. Determine in your heart that achieving ALL that God wants for your marriage is your goal and settle for nothing less. That's a fight that would be worth it! Peace at all cost in your marriage CAN be devastating.

Our families. Parenting is just hard, right? At every stage, there are challenges. And, at every stage, there are situations that call for a struggle... a fight. And, sometimes, life would be so much easier if we just ignored the struggle. In our family, the days would be so much more pleasant if we NEVER asked our children to do anything or if we NEVER said "no" to one of their requests. If I did all of the housework even though they are old enough to HELP, they would be such happy children. If we would just let Caleb play every game created for the X Box EVEN THOUGH the rating CLEARLY says "MATURE" AND HE'S 9!, he would feel like I was such a great parent. (can you tell that's a big one?) These are only two examples, but they prove my point. I could take on a peace at all cost mentality, but I wouldn't achieve results that I'm looking for. I have seen the adults walking around without ANY sense of work ethic, and that's not really what I want to be looking at in 10 to 12 years in my children, so my struggle over chores is worth it. And, I believe in the words to the long lost song "Be careful little eyes what you see..." As guardian over these precious hearts, protecting what goes into their minds is important to me. So, we we are praying for continued strength to fight for the BEST for our children in a world where even believers are throwing in the towel, because immediate peace is more desirable.

Our churches. Hmmmm.... I'm treading carefully here, because I am in the South. I know. I love "church" too. I grew up in church, I want my children in church, and "church people" are some of the most wonderful people I've ever known. But, churches are flawed, because WE are flawed. Our churches are sitting in the middle of communities where people are bruised, banged up and burned by life and are often too caught up in the routine of CHURCH to actually BE the church to the hurting. I think many times there are people within church bodies that KNOW what needs to be done. But, to actually DO it would cause friction. There may be some uncomfortable conversations to be had and someone might get angry. Now, please understand, I'm not talking about the wacky divisions that happen in churches over paint color and what we name our Bible study hour. I'm talking about making changes that create environments within the church walls where Jesus Christ is preached, experienced and sought after completely. I believe that any time a church determines to pursue Christ above ALL ELSE (including image) they have a fight on their hands, because this world isn't for it. And, the scriptures have warned us that this would be the case, because Jesus had a fight on his hands.

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.  Matthew 10:16

So, what I'm trying to say in this TOO LONG post is that sometimes a fight has to take place in order for the peace to come. We live in a fallen world, so there are ALL sorts of things warring against the life God desires for us to have. The world WON'T back down. Our enemy has no intention of waving a white flag. So, WHY ARE WE? Satan is defeated already! His victories are temporary! He knows it, so he's fighting harder.

Are you feeling defeated in your marriage, your family, your church? Do you feel food, alcohol, drugs, or another person has power over you? Whatever it is that is hindering you from experiencing God's presence in every day and knowing that He is enough must go! Wage an all out war against it and don't settle for less. And, if it means asking for help, get on that TO...DAY!!! What's the worst thing that could happen? Someone might know you have issues?

Well... I speak from experience when I say... I bet they have their own bag of issues too. :)

Peace is important, sure. But, when it comes to the things threatening to destroy our lives, let's have the world say of us... "This one's a fighter."