Enjoying God's Goodness

Just Getting By? I Hope Not!

2012-02-10T10:16:00.000-08:00

"Then have them make a sanctuary for me and I will dwell among them." Exodus 25:8

How do those words make you feel? For me, they cause me to ask only one question.

Why?

The words are being spoken TO Moses BY God. In Chapter 20 of Exodus, God gave Moses the 10 commandments. In chapters 21 through 23, He gives many other laws -- laws concerning Hebrew servants, personal injury laws, laws protecting property, social responsibility guidelines and laws of justice and mercy. Then, in chapter 24, the covenant that God made with His people was confirmed to Moses, and the Israelites were called to respond. They eagerly answer... "We will do everything the LORD has said; we will obey." (Yeah, right!)

In chapter 25, Moses goes up the mountain to hear from God. And, in chapter 8, God announces that He plans to dwell among them.

Again, why?

I know the earth isn't too terribly old at this point in scripture. But, still, I would imagine that Heaven is pretty spectacular. Why wouldn't He just stay there?

Also, these people that He's promising to 'dwell among' aren't very loyal. They continually promise to do things and remain faithful to God only to betray Him again a few verses later. Wouldn't He save Himself a whole lot of grief if He just kept some distance between Himself and His creation?

Furthermore, there are so many struggles to be had here on Earth. Once sin entered; difficulty, sickness, death, and more sin have caused life in this world to contain hardship that just isn't present in Heaven. So, why would God determine to invite this struggle? By 'dwelling among them', He was agreeing to take on these struggles... willingly!

Well, it's very hard for me to understand. But, it was God's plan all along. We were MADE to dwell with Him. The first humans did just that. Adam and Eve enjoyed the very purpose of their creation in the Garden. They walked with God -- in fellowship with Him.

Of course, sin messed it up. And, we will not experience that kind of fellowship with Him again in this life. But, as early as Exodus chapter 25, God demonstrated that He was unwilling to sit back and wait for His children to make their way to Him. He came to dwell with us.

And, why?????

Because He loves us! And, when you love someone, you want to be with them.

I wonder if that makes anyone uncomfortable. Is it hard to imagine that the God of the universe, the One that set EVERYTHING into motion, the One that NEEDS nothing, WANTS to be with you?

I suspect it probably does. Sometimes, it makes me uncomfortable. But, I am being hit with this reoccurring idea over and over in my quiet times with God. Even the books that I pick up are filled with this theme. And, I'm struck by the thought that if we really got it, we could significantly change our days, our lives, our family's lives and, maybe even, the world.

God is God, and He could have chosen a plan to redeem mankind that called for Him to sit back and watch the events unfold like a movie. I'm thinking that would have been so much easier, neater... less emotional. But, His determination to BE with us through every challenge, every failure and every difficulty until we can be with Him in heaven, tells me that God isn't interested in the easy way. He is interested in ME. And YOU!

And, that changes the way that I think. When I know that God loves me and WANTS to do life with me, I don't think about spending time with Him as a duty that I can mark off my checklist. I DESIRE to have time alone with HIM.

When I view God as the Father that wants what's best for me rather than a judge far removed from my life waiting anxiously to hammer me for every failure, I RUN to Him in my weaknesses. There would never be reason to attempt to hang on to sin if I could TRUST that His way is the only way to experience true, abundant life.

I posted this quote on Facebook. But, I can't get it out of my head, so I'm posting it here too. It's from the book, Crazy Love...

"The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time. He treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him -- and we wonder, indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by."

Get by?

The God that is in charge of this world -- every part of it -- doesn't need me! But, He wants me! He demonstrated that in Genesis with Adam and Eve. He demonstrated it again in the wilderness. The Israelites were going to be roaming through the desert for hundreds of years. So, God gave them a pattern for a roaming sanctuary. If they were going to move, He was going to move! That's determination.

So, how about us? If we 'build a sanctuary', will He 'dwell among us'?

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?" 1 Corinthians 6:19

Absolutely! It was the plan all along. He loves you. He wants you. And, through Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit, He will do life with us.

So, am I just going to do what I have to do to 'get by' when He has demonstrated pure determination to draw His children back to Himself regardless of the cost?

Oh, I pray, for the rest of my days, the answer to that question is, 'Absolutely not!'

Who's Up for a Challenge?

2012-02-06T18:41:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to talk about this book that Scotty and I are finally reading. I know the rest of the world is already very familiar with Crazy Love, but we are just getting acquainted with Francis Chan and his radical thoughts.

First of all, I sped through the book like I do all great books and then wished I had enjoyed it at a little slower pace. So, now I'm reading it a second time and doing just that. I'm reading, re-reading, highlighting and prayerfully considering the thought, "O.K. What now?"

This is the kind of book that I'm NOT going to be able to put on a shelf and conveniently move on to the next great read. No! This book is going to need a response. And, while I've never considered myself one to be extremely attached to luxuries of this world, I have realized that I'm WAY to comfortable with the routines of this life.

On top of that, the overwhelming message of the book has been that God has gone to such extreme measures to pursue relationship with me, so why am I so reserved in my response to Him? Why? I don't have an answer.

So, I'm ready!

I'm ready to be obedient to His call whatever the cost! (But, is it o.k. that I actually have butterflies just typing it?)

I'm ready to demonstrate complete trust in Him as my provider if He leads me to be risky in what I have foolishly considered to be MY possessions.

And, I'm ready to spend the rest of my earthly life making MUCH of God!

Now, I just need some direction. Hmmmm....

Then, Sunday, we were called into a 29 day prayer challenge. We were challenged to pray for 5 minutes each day for one specific thing. And, then to pray for spiritual awakening in families in our church. I'm all for prayer, and surely I can commit to pray for 5 minutes a day. But, for what?

Direction! I'm praying 5 minutes each day for direction. I am pleading for direction in the job hunt, direction in the sell of the house, and direction in determining if we should stay in or leave our community. That's a lot to cram into 5 minutes, right? I kind of feel like I'm cheating -- that seems like way more than one thing. Oh well, I felt like God was listening anyway this morning. ;)

This afternoon, my reading through Crazy Love came to my mind again, and I decided that while I'm praying for direction, I can also ask God to direct us into a very specific way that we can begin our change in lifestyle. And, that's exactly what it's going to be. I can no longer SAY that I'm more concerned with heavenly things than earthly things, while in many ways my life doesn't LOOK any different than an unbeliever's. I'm going to have to DO some things that demonstrate I really believe it!

I'm excited (and nervous)! So, some people have asked for updates here and there about how things are going and how they can pray. In a nutshell, there it is. DIRECTION! We need it -- in every area of our life.

And, while you're at it, why don't you join the prayer challenge? I bet we all have at least ONE area that consumes our thinking and causes us to lose focus on occasion. Why not take it to God on a daily basis and watch how He proves Himself faithful? AGAIN!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, offer your requests to God. And, the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7

How Quick I Am to JUDGE!

2012-02-01T14:16:00.000-08:00

This morning, I was reading a portion of Exodus in my quiet time, and I had sort of an "Aha" moment. Hmmm... I don't know if that is the correct way to describe what actually happened. While the moment was definitely enlightening, there was nothing positive about the way that it felt.

I was reading through Exodus 14 and 15. Earlier this week, I read about the plagues that God issued onto Pharoah and his people, because they would not let the Israelites go. The final plague was the death of all of the firstborn males which led right into the chapter on the Passover. So, today, I began reading through the beginning of their exodus... a chapter that I've heard and read many times. Still, I began with great anticipation.

Early in chapter 14, I read a sentence that I'm sure I've read before, but it really stuck out to me. As you probably remember, Pharoah changed his mind about letting God's people go once they were on their way. So, he and his 600+ chariots began to pursue the Israelites AGAIN. I was so proud to read of the Israelites boldness in verse 8,

"The LORD hardened the heart of Pharoah, king of Egypt, so that he pursued the Israelites, who were marching out of Egypt boldly."

Do you love that sentence? I do. After reading over ten chapters about the Israelites being abused at the hands of the Egyptians, I was so happy to see them in their deliverance. And, their boldness in leaving demonstrated to me that they had been on such a journey with the LORD that they were leaving without fear.

Well, my joy didn't last long. Pharoah began to gain on the Israelites to the point where they turned, looked and saw Pharoah and his army marching after them. I was shocked to see in verse 12 (just 4 verses later!) a complete 180 degree turn in their emotions,

"Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert."

WOW! I couldn't believe it. How quickly they forgot all that God had done for them until this point. He was constantly reminding them of the promise made with Abraham and assuring them that THEY were part of that promise. He'd called up Moses and Aaron to lead them... to be a physical presence in guiding them out of slavery. And, the PLAGUES! They had seen God promise to plague Egypt with frogs, gnats, flies, death of livestock, life threatening hail, locusts, and darkness. The Israelites were present when God issued ALL of these plagues and they witnessed His relieving the people of each plague once Moses prayed and asked Him to. And, finally, God promised that the firstborn male of every Egyptian household would die. And, that's exactly what happened. EVERY household in Egypt (even Pharoah's) woke to the death of their oldest male child. But, every Israelite household was saved.

That's really amazing! It's hard for me to imagine a thankless group of people who could forget ALL of that in just 4 short verses. How could they be so impatient with a God that had been so patient with them? And, why would they prefer slavery in Egypt over deliverance with God? I was appalled at their lack of faith!

And, then, it happened. God brought to my memory a little situation from last week. You see, the magnitude of what God has done for me over the last 5 months is nothing short of miraculous. In fact, I would compare these emotional, spiritual and relational miracles that He has performed in our family with ANY of the miracles I mentioned earlier. He has been THAT evident in our daily lives. And, because of that, most days I march boldly out into the world to see what He has in store for me. But, then, there are those days that I don't.

Friday morning, Scotty and I got some less than desirable news concerning our insurance through the school system. Things hadn't been filed as we thought they were going to be filed. And, we were told we'd need to pay some money... a good bit of money... that we weren't planning on paying. It's fine, and it was paid. But, Scotty doesn't have a full time job yet. So, the check was written from money that I would have really liked to hang on to JUST IN CASE we need it later.

I'm not the least bit proud of this, but I REALLY had a pity party. Scotty and I had planned to run. But, I put pjs back on and went back to bed. I stewed over the bad news, and I believe I even began to panic. It was as if I somehow thought that the God who has literally been carrying me through situations that I once thought would have been to heavy to even stand under would now suddenly FORGET that I need to be cared for.

FEAR! Where was the boldness?... It was just there 5 minutes, one hour, several weeks ago.

I didn't even have a king and 600+ chariots chasing after me. But, I was grumbling and complaining over having to write a check that WE ACTUALLY HAD THE MONEY TO WRITE!

So, I couldn't judge the actions of the Israelites in Exodus 8:12 for too long. Nope! I'm way worse. God has proven so faithful in His promises to me and my family. And, at the first sign of difficulty, I was ready for a full blown pity party.

You know that I've always loved Bible study. But, I am being ushered into a love for studying God's word that amazes me. His character shines through each story clearly. He is so patient with the Israelites throughout Exodus. This won't be the last time that they grumble and complain about their circumstances. And, because of their lack of faith, they miss out on a whole lot of blessing. But, God is completely patient with them. Completely! As they demonstrate lack of belief, He does something for them that proves He is believable. Just in case you don't remember what happened after the Israelites grumble about the Egyptians following them, let me remind you.

Their faithful Father parts the Red Sea so that the water stands up on either side like walls! And, the Israelites "walk across on dry land"! The next time they turn around to check out the enemy, that same water is crashing down on top of them and not one Egyptian made it out alive.

This is the God, the Father, the King who is in charge of my life. He is so worthy of complete trust. But, where I lack this trust, He is patient... ready to prove Himself believable.

And, now MY emotions have made a complete 180 degree turn. I'm not quite so ready to condemn those Israelites. I'm very thankful for them! I'm relieved that God was able to use a group of fearful, weak and unbelieving people to fulfill His plans for mankind. Whew! There's hope for me yet.

It's All Good

2012-01-28T17:51:00.000-08:00

Our study of the Patriarchs is over, and I ended the study with the same feeling that I always have at astudy's end... I wanted to flip right back to page one and start over. It always reminds me of the disciples with Jesus on the mountain of transfiguration. God had revealed Himself to them so powerfully that they wanted to remain in THAT experience rather than move on to possible new experiences.

I get it! God spoke to me in so many ways throughout this study that I'd really like to just go back to the beginning with Him. Maybe I feel comfortable now in the message that I've heard from Genesis. It makes sense to me that my dislike for change could have transferred into Bible study. Or, there could be a little bit of fear that I missed something. Genesis is packed with character and plot. So, without a doubt, I missed out on portions of it. But, mainly, it's the knowledge that I literally met with God through the pages of this study. I KNOW that I did. So, I don't want to move on.

It was interesting reading through Genesis in order and reading about Abraham, Isaac and Jacob like I was reading a fictional book. Their lives certainly read like fiction although it's all very much REAL! Like I said before, we know of NO dysfunction that rivals that of the patriarchal family. And, that provides for much learning AND much comfort.

My favorite character, though, is Joseph. I've always been so intrigued by his story. Portions of his story are some of the first I heard as a young girl. Joseph was the favorite child of his father (Jacob or Israel), and all of his brothers knew it. Therefore, they hated Joseph and plotted to kill him. At the last minute, they chickened out and sold him into slavery in Egypt instead. While in Egypt, Joseph was exalted in Potipher's house. Potipher's wife had something for Joseph. But, when he turned her down repeatedly, she made up lies about him and he wound up in prison. Joseph gained favor in prison with a number of people and ended up interpreting dreams for Pharoah. His interpretation not only guided Egypt through 7 years of famine, but they caused Pharoah to place Joseph in a pretty high position in Egypt. In the end, Joseph's activity in Egypt proves to be the salvation for his family. Without anything to eat/drink, the brothers (the same ones that despised and betrayed Joseph) came looking for nourishment in Egypt. Because they were Joseph's family, they received much more than just food in Egypt. They were WELL taken care of for the rest of their lives.

And Joseph's words from the last chapter in Genesis sort of sum up the redemptive God that we serve...

"What you have intended for evil, God has used for good..."

Favoritism? Used for good!

Betrayal? Used for good!

Lies? Used for good!

There is no sin so great, no hurt so deep, no situation too dark that God can't use it for His good. Actually, if He has allowed something to happen in the lives of His people, you can bet that He not only CAN but He WILL use it for good. HIS GOOD! The good, the bad, the ugly... It's. All. Good! Oh, I'm so thankful that THIS is the God that I serve.

Now, back to my dilemma! I love the study, I didn't want to finish the study, and I wasn't ready to move on from the study. BUT... I had to. And, since we haven't made up our mind as to what we wanted to do next, we decided to get L3 journals from Pinelake and study on our own for a little while.

First of all, that makes me nervous. There is a reason why I'm always in a study of some type. I need the focus. I depend on blanks that need to be filled in so that I will actually DO the reading. But, I decided I would give it a try. Reluctantly... to say the very least!

So, our last day of study in the Patriarchs was Tuesday. I cried through the reading of the last chapter of Genesis. Jacob was buried just after speaking promises over each of his children. On Wednesday, I picked up the L3 journal to begin reading and GUESS WHAT THE SCRIPTURE WAS?!?!?!

Exodus chapter 1 and 2!

Are you kidding me? He's just placing reminders all around me that He is ACTIVE in my life. I pray that I'm always aware of His hand on my life. In just the first 7 or 8 chapters of Exodus, the Israelites have already had to be reminded several times that their God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Now that I know their stories, I understand what that means. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is relentless about keeping His promises... TO the first family of the covenant, TO me and TO you!

I pray that TODAY, you are aware of God's activity in your life and how determined He is to keep His promises concerning you. There is NOTHING anyone can do to you that can change the plans that He has for you. He's THAT good! And, He is FOR you!

Happy Birthday, Caleb!

2012-01-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

It's 9:00 p.m. on January 22nd, and I'm just realizing how very different my life was at this time 9 years ago.

I was getting ready for bed, I'm sure, and preparing for a day of school. Teaching third graders was such a BIG part of my life. I LOVED it. But, it was tiring. Plus, I'd probably brought things home with me from school that I was packing up to take back the next day as well as a lunch, snack, etc. I remember that Scotty had been hunting all day, and I'd taken a little walk. You get the idea... life was pretty much about.... ME.

Oh, and one other little difference... I was as big as the house. My tummy was about to POP!

Yep! Caleb turns 9 tomorrow. And, this is really hard for me to believe. The fact that is 9 is not the only thing that is shocking. The manner in which he has come into this world and completely changed it for me is the biggest shock of all.

I was pretty sure that I knew exactly what to expect from a baby when Caleb came along. For goodness sakes, my mom had kept children in our home most of my life. I was very comfortable babysitting AND I was a trained teacher! This parenting thing was going to be a breeze. And, "Mommy"? Well, I was going to be fabulous.

I woke up the morning of the 23rd, stepped out of the bed, and my water broke. We called the doctor, called family and off we went. They checked us in, I changed into a gown, the nurse came in to check me for the first time, and I was already 6 or 7 cm dilated. See... no big deal! I really don't see what all the fuss is about.

By noon, much to the surprise of our nurse who knew this was our first, I was ready to start pushing. Things slowed down a little, but still, Caleb was born by 1:40. And, so far, this baby thing was EXACTLY as I had planned.

Then, we kept Caleb in our room the first night in the hospital. He cried, and cried, and CRIED!!! There was nothing I could do to calm him down, and I tried EVERYTHING. That was the first time I held Caleb in my arms with NO idea what to do. And, it wasn't the last.

For the next 9 months, Caleb didn't sleep when I thought he should sleep. He didn't eat the way I thought he should eat. Each and every time I thought we'd established some kind of routine, Caleb would change the plan.

During the months that I was pregnant with Caleb, I prayed for him many times. But, specifically, I prayed that he would be more like my sister than me. I wanted him to be ASSERTIVE... to know what he wanted and know how to express it. Well, first of all, I learned that God answers prayers. And, secondly, I didn't pray that prayer again. :)

Nine years later, though, I'm so thankful for Caleb. I'm grateful that God refused to let our first born come into this world exactly as I had planned, because I would have taken some things for granted. During the first months of Caleb's life, God taught me so many things about myself and about Him. But, the biggest lesson that I learned during that time came when Caleb was nine months old. God brought me to my knees at that point, and I gave up MY plans. I begged God to guide me in parenting Caleb HIS way. At that point, I felt a heavy burden lifted from my shoulders.

The problem, thought, was that 9 months of Caleb's life were gone. I hadn't enjoyed or appreciated those months the way I should have, and I did not get a second chance. At ten months old, Caleb got an ear infection that didn't go away until he got tubes at 13 months old. Therefore, we rocked a lot during those nights. I would rock him in his room with tears running down my face, because I knew I'd missed out on so much of his infant life due to the fact that I was FIGHTING for MY way.

I still regret those lost months. But, I'm thankful that I was taught through them to ENJOY the present. Even if it's tough, even if it's not what I planned, it's a gift. And, it's a gift we can't have again. When Caleb started Kindergarten, I was sad. I remember feeling like it was the beginning of the end. But, I couldn't let myself stay there. I WAS NOT going to miss out on enjoying the excitement of his first day of school. I knew that at Caleb's High School graduation, I would look back to his first days of school. I wanted to be able to look back on a time of enjoyment, happiness and JOY.

I continue to be amazed at how I have to constantly remind myself to just enjoy life as it is. Yes, there are hard times. Sure, things don't always go as planned. But, my days were set before me before the foundation of the world. And, the ONE who set them in place loves me dearly. He carefully placed JOY to be had. He mapped out PEACE to be experienced. Blessings come in all sorts of packages and in all situations. Sometimes, I have to GIVE UP the pursuit of what I thought the blessing was supposed to be in order to see what God had right in front of my face.

Caleb Scott Rogers is only one of my three blessings. But, he's the first. And, he paves the way for us through all of the firsts. He's certainly ushered us into a life that is NOTHING like the life we had nine years ago. It's NOTHING like I thought it would be then. It's way better!

I'm thankful for Caleb's birthday and grateful that I get to be his MOM for a million different reasons. I would LOVE to list them all here, but I fear that would be obnoxious to those of you with your own children who are just as wonderful as Caleb is. So, I'll just tell you that he's my daily reminder that if I'm determined to see things through the way I want to see them through, I just might miss out on what God intended to be a blessing for me. Hard-headed as I am, I did that for 9 months. And, I pray that it never happens again.

So, thank you, Caleb, for coming into this world and knowing exactly what you wanted... a mom with a little lesson in humility. I got it! It was and sometimes still is TOUGH. But, it is worth it! Because life with Caleb is a precious gift.

Learning to be the LIGHT

2012-01-21T19:20:00.000-08:00

Yes. That is the title of a song. It's the title of a great song! I'm loving the tune of this song AND the words. But, I also feel like THAT is what I am doing these days. Learning to be the Light.

Over the past 4 months, I've done a little study on the word "light" in the Bible. Actually, I was looking at it (light) opposed to darkness. Darkness is how I look at the hiding, secrecy and sin that invaded our family. So, "light", was the answer to that darkness, and I wanted to find examples of how it was used in the Bible.

From the very first use of light, the concept spoke volumes to me. In the beginning, God created the light. There was darkness... nothingness... absence of light. Then, at just the right moment, God determined that the time was right to introduce the light. Light that would TAKE OVER the darkness. Now, we weren't living in that kind of darkness in our family. Our darkness came in the form of bondage and sin. But, the light came nonetheless. I've thanked Him repeatedly that He determined that the time had come for His light to overcome our darkness.

Recently, though, I've begun to really think about what it means to BE the light. What exactly does it mean to BE light that dispels darkness and draws others to the true LIGHT? Is there something specific we can do? Are there certain words that we need to say?

Isn't it interesting that we are call to be exactly what Christ called Himself.

"I am the Light of the world." John 8:12

"You are the light of the world." Matthew 5:14

Wow. That's huge to me. I've certainly come in contact with people over the years that have been what I would call "light". They glow! A couple of years ago I was watching a television show that is not a Christian show. Well, I'll just say it... Gray's Anatomy. Judge me if you will, but I still watch it. Anyway, there is an actress on that show that I watched and just knew that she was a believer. There was something about her that was just DIFFERENT. I later read an article where this actress told her story of coming to know Christ. She had been dealt a tough start to life. She had moved to California and married a rough kind of guy. They made all sorts of bad choices in lifestyle, but eventually came face to face with God. He changed their lives. And, although she was just reading lines on a television show, I could see that she was different! Man. I want to be THAT kind of different!

On the other hand, I know people that are constantly delivering a message that is Biblical. These people can recite scripture for every situation. However, somewhere in the delivery, I am completely turned off. I wouldn't consider them light at all. In fact, sometimes I think I'd rather run into hiding just to get away from that presence. It's overbearing and prideful. And, I DO NOT want to be THAT kind of different.

We are living in a world that so desperately needs the Light. Yet, I'm afraid that sometimes WE (believers) who are called to be the light aren't being the light at all. There's a disconnect somewhere between what we SAY and how we ACT. I KNOW that if I could allow others to SEE what God has done for me and what He wants to do for them, they would run without hesitation into that Light.

So what's the key? How do we "glow" in such a way that others are drawn to us and want to know what makes us different? I hope you aren't thinking that I'm going to end this post with a great answer. I'm not. Well, I can't, because I'm still learning to be this light.

But, earlier this week, a friend sent me an article by Charles Swindoll that was perfect for my questions. Here is a portion of the message that ministered to me...

"Those in the light are a weird phenomenon for those in darkness. And, that is exactly as Jesus planned it.

Think of some distinctive characteristics of light. Light is silent. No noise, no big splash, no banners -- light simply shines.

Light gives direction. No words, no sermon. Jesus says that others "see" a Christian's actions; He says nothing about non-believers 'hearing' what a believer says.

Light attracts attention. You don't have to ask people to look at you when you turn on a light in a dark room. It happens automatically.

At first they may hate the light, but don't worry. They are still attracted to it. Let it shine! Don't attempt to show off how bright and sparkling you are; just shine!

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance."

O.K., so I don't have to be bright and sparkling. Well, that's a relief! Because, bright and sparkling isn't something I've ever been OR aspired to be.

And, apparently, we don't even have to have it all together. Sometimes our problems and our trials make the light that we carry even brighter than before. Shew. That's another relief!

I want my life to be lived in such a way that words aren't really necessary. I'd like to be so real that my life speaks of the Light that is guiding me. Others may not know the Source, but maybe they'd see enough light to want to know where it comes from. I know that we live in a world where living for the things of Christ is not attractive. But, I do believe that people still crave peace, joy, security and love. Those qualities in a life are sure to attract an audience of people that either recognizes or seeks the God that provides them.

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put in under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house." Matthew 5:14-15

God, You know that I don't know how to do this life perfectly. But, I pray that I will cooperate with however You desire to be seen in me. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to participate in lifting You up so that YOU may draw all men unto Yourself. YOU are so worthy!

Worship

2012-01-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

We are almost finished with our study of The Patriarchs, Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. This is one of only a few of Beth Moore's studies that I haven't done before. I had trouble "getting into it" for various reasons. But, once we reached the halfway point, every word has been so applicable to life in general... especially relevant, however, in our current circumstances.

There is absolutely no way to study this first family of the Promise without noticing how truly dysfunctional they were. Honestly, there is no situation we are facing in our world today that wasn't present in some form even then. Throughout the scriptures, though, we see that God was adamant about keeping the covenant He'd made with Abraham regardless of the variety of ways they attempted to wreck their futures.

But, that's not my reason for writing today. :)

Early in the study, we spent a day studying the servant that Abraham sent out to find a wife for Isaac. All along the way, this servant was asking for the Lord's favor -- asking Him to guide him in his search. Of course, it was Rebekah that he eventually found. And, once Rebekah's family agreed to send her back with this older servant, the Bible records that he bowed down and worshiped the LORD.

WORSHIPED! The servant worshiped over the fact that God had led him to the wife of his master's son. He worshiped over finding something/someone that would not even really benefit himself. His life was so wrapped up in his master's that success for the master meant success for him.

And, here's the quote that I can't seem to get out of my head;

"I daresay God esteems the worship of no one more than that of a devoted servant, particularly one who is cloaked in anonymity and who is known only as his master's.

I love it! And, every time I read it, the phrase that rushes through my spirit is, "Please, LORD. Let it be so."

In this servant's case, his worship was literal. He hit his knees and praised the LORD. I'm not exactly sure what that looked like, but I know it was genuine. God had been so faithful to him that he couldn't help himself. He HAD to physically express gratitude for his guidance, provision, PRESENCE in his life.

Our family is presently worshiping in a church where outward expression of worship is abundant. It's not distracting to me. I love seeing the effects of God's presence in the lives of believers. However, a worship service to me is more of an inward experience. I love the music leading up to a sermon. But, there is nothing that brings me to the throne of God faster than the Word being preached. For me, a great sermon causes me to feel a little like Abraham's servant must have felt. However, I'd assume you wouldn't notice it on the outside.

When I leave that service or my time alone with God and He has made Himself known to me through music, His Word or something else, I HAVE to praise Him. And, that's why this blog is so important to me. There's no way I will ever be able to express how faithful God has been to me during my ENTIRE life, but especially over the past four months. My words wouldn't be enough. But, His goodness, His grace, His mercy, His guidance, His provision have been so very evident that, like Abraham's servant, I MUST express my gratitude through an outward expression of worship. And writing here has given me that opportunity.

So, even if no one ever read the words of this blog, I'd sit at this computer and write them anyway... as an expression of my gratitude to a God who is adamant and persistent in demonstrating His great love and care for me.

But, for those that do read, my desire is to MAKE MUCH of our God. You see, when I observe the hands lifted in the worship center, faces pointed straight upwards and HUGE smiles on the faces of worshipers, I often wonder what God has done for them. I KNOW that for someone to be THAT in love with the Father, He's made Himself VERY KNOWN in that life. Their worship has caused me to see the ONE worthy of worship.

Devoted servant.

Cloaked in anonymity.

Known only as his Master's.

In this small space of a huge internet world, God, may it be so!

What a MESS!

2012-01-15T13:20:00.000-08:00

We had company this weekend. Scotty's mom and sister came to visit and with them came "the cousins". Scotty's sister, Christy, has three children also. AND... she has two boys and a little girl. Our children have always LOVED their time with the cousins. And, no matter how long we get to spend with them, it's never enough.

It's so fun to watch all of them interact and to see that, while they're each so different, they can pair off into very similar groups. The oldest brother of each family LOVES sports. In fact, they seem pretty sure that's the most important thing in life. The middle two are the clowns. They really enjoy making us laugh. And, the youngest two are complete girly girls!

This weekend, our visit was short. We had planned a day out when they arrived, but our schedule didn't work out as planned. But, they didn't seem to mind spending the evening at our house with games and toys. The girls seemed especially thrilled about this schedule change. We were home no less than 15 minutes when every toy that Claire has in her room seemed to be spilled out all over the floor. I wish I had taken a picture, because the only reaction to the chaos would be, "What a mess!"

Now, I LOVE for toys to be played with. Sometimes I hate to put away games or toys too carefully, because then it seems they get forgotten. It makes me happy to see my children using their imaginations and playing with the toys that are in their rooms. But, what I find so interesting is that Claire never has trouble getting TO the toys and pulling them out. Once they're out, though, she CAN NOT put them away. Without some guidance, she's completely overwhelmed by the mess. She doesn't even know where to start in cleaning it up.

It has dawned on me that there is such spiritual application there. Most of us can make a mess of things, circumstances, situations pretty easily. Sometimes, we can even enjoy the mess for a little while. When Claire is in the middle of her toys all strewn over the room, it feels wonderful to her. Everything she wants right at her fingertip. Until she realizes she can't walk around. Or, she can't find anything. At that point, she wants a clean room. NOW. But, how does she do it?

Aren't there times in our lives that we know we're living in a mess; however, we're enjoying it a little too much to worry with cleaning it up. The problem is that, as believers, there will come a time when we're unhappy in the mess. We WILL want to have a "clean house" again. But, we've made such a mess, we don't know where to start in cleaning it up. In fact, none of our human tactics will even put a dent in the mess.

At that point, I think we are wise to do exactly what Claire does in that moment. She calls for a parent. In her chaos, she at least remembers that there IS someone who knows exactly what to do with the mess. She will look to Scotty or me to begin cleaning it up.

Several Sundays ago, we heard a message on the messes that sin creates. When we find ourselves in one of life's messes, we can call on our Heavenly parent to help us out of the mess. Romans 5: 20-21 says,

"The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more so that, just as sin reigned in death (the mess), so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

What these verses speak to me is that in the mess of sin is death. We feel dead. We are almost in a state of paralysis in our mess not knowing what to do next. And, I believe these verses are telling us to call out to God and let Him show us how HIS grace has completely covered the mess. We can't do it on our own. But, where sins abounds, grace abounds more and more. And, HIS grace is ENOUGH!

Why is it so hard for us to admit that we've made a mess? Why is it that we feel better about ourselves if we cautiously admit our mess ups with reasons and explanations to follow? I wonder if we (I'm including myself for good reason) may not trust that God's grace REALLY IS enough. It sounds as if we may be qualifying our sin out of fear that parts of the sin are covered by grace but the root of that sin may be just beyond the reach of God's grace. And, where is the comfort in that?

A couple of quotes from a sermon I heard a few weeks ago have stuck with me. I wish I could remember the speaker's name to give him credit. :( He said,

"There is no ditch you can dig that God's grace can't fill."

Has anyone else ever felt so hopeless in a situation that you could actually picture yourself down in a giant ditch with no way out. Absolutely nothing can separate us from the love that God has for us. But, we have to reach up/out and receive it. FULLY! Otherwise, we always carry with us guilt, shame, or fear.... BONDAGE to sin. And, we weren't made for that. We were made for eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Frequently, I come in contact with people that seem almost angered by this gospel of grace. These people seem much more comfortable speaking of the God that is our Judge (I believe that He is). They seem to fear that too much "grace talk" might make believers feel freedom to sin. The next verses in Romans speak to this fear...

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase. By no means! We died to sin. How can we live in it any longer?" Romans 6: 1-2

If you've lived in sin for any amount of time, and you are a believer, you know what Paul is describing. That paralysis that Claire feels right in the middle of her mess when she doesn't know what to do next is what I think believers "stuck" in sin feel like. It's death to them. And, when they experience the full grace pouring from the Father over their situation and freeing them from the mess, I believe that they understand this next quote that I HAD to write in my Bible.

"Just because the faucet of grace continues running, being careless with it still leaves a MESS!"

A mess!

What does your mess look like? How long has it been since you were in the middle of a mess? Or, how has someone else's mess created havoc in your world?

We HAVE to call it what it is. We can't sweep it under the rug anymore. There's no healing there. There's no freedom. But, in bringing it to the surface, we get to EXPERIENCE God's goodness. There is GREAT JOY in His goodness. Our need demonstrates clearly that only HE can meet that need. Only HE can meet us where we are and carry us into something better. And, once we're all cleaned up, we realize that TRUE JOY comes when we live in the boundaries of God's path for our lives. Our mess serves to remind us that the trappings of this world are just that.... a trap! Hopefully, we leave our "bath" in God's grace certain that NOTHING else compares to LIFE in Him.

Knowing HIM!

2012-01-08T18:20:00.000-08:00

I LOVE Sundays! I love waking up with the anticipation of spending an entire morning with my family. I love knowing that I am going to be ushered in to the very presence of God during worship service. And, I LOVE being challenged each week with God's Word while being covered in His grace and mercy. I appreciate being part of worship that is clearly planned with the faith that "if HE be lifted up, HE will draw all men to Himself."

Today's service was unbelievable, and I am going to do my best to summarize my "take away".

1 Chronicles 28: 9 and 10 record some of David's last words to Solomon before his death in the next chapter. As king and father, David saw the importance of giving some last instruction to Solomon. Apparently, there is a list of 6 instructions that we will look at over the next few weeks. But, today, we studied only the first.

You know, David had MUCH life experience. He had done many things well with God. However, he'd done many things wrong. He had messed up plenty. So, as he's on his way out of this earth, he had so many life lessons learned the hard way that he could share with his son. That's why I think the #1 item on his list is so important.

"And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge (know) the God of your father..."

Why didn't David say, "stay pure in your marriage", "do not lust", "be brave in the face of difficult situations", or "forgive your enemies" as the first of his instructions? These are IMPORTANT things and clearly areas where David struggled and learned to depend on his God.

I thought that the pastor did a beautiful job of explaining why David chose to encourage, and possibly plead with, Solomon to know God first in his dying words to his son. And, everything that he said rang true in my spirit in connection with this journey I have been on. The overall point is this...

When we KNOW God, truly KNOW Him, our lives are TRANSFORMED from the inside out. Everything about us changes. When we know God, we can't help but to allow the natural tendencies of our human nature to become more like His.

The problem many of us face is that we don't really KNOW Him. We live in the Bible belt, so we would be hard pressed to come across someone who didn't know who God is. Most of the people that I come in contact with even believe in Him. But, we were challenged today by the question, "Do you know him as intimately as you know your spouse?" To KNOW Him means that, as well as possible, I know his thoughts, actions, and beliefs. And, when we know these things about God, we trust Him more which leads to obeying Him.

In David's case, his knowledge of God allowed him to view his problems in light of God's truth. That's why he was able to do with Goliath what many others were terrified to attempt. They saw Goliath as a giant, impossible situation. David saw him as small in comparison to his God.

David was "a man after God's own heart", yet his sin was GREAT by any standard. The human tendency when our mess ups are this bad is to run from God. Like Adam and Eve, we want to hide inwardly and outwardly from God and others. David, however, ran TO God in his times of greatest sin. Why? Because He KNEW God. He knew that God was the one who could forgive. He knew that God wanted to forgive and restore. And, because David KNEW the benefits of a close, intimate relationship with his heavenly father, he wasn't willing to let ANYTHING hinder that relationship.

I think the point is that so often we want to MAJOR on the MINOR things. Wouldn't it be easier for us to come up with a list of all of the things we should do. Then, we could make a list of all of the things we shouldn't do. And, sticking to the list would be a good life's goal. We should go to church, we shouldn't watch certain things on TV. We should love everyone, we shouldn't have prejudices. We should be quick to forgive, we shouldn't gossip. The list could go on and on... and on! And, by the way, I'm comfortable with everything on the list so far. I think it's a good list. So...what's the problem?

For me the problem is the FOCUS. If my focus is on what I should or should not be doing, then my focus isn't on knowing God. If my focus is on what others are or are not doing, then my focus isn't on God.

My knowledge of WHO GOD IS has been my salvation for four months. Someone asked me recently what I would have rated my life on the morning of August 26th right after hearing terrible news from Scotty. I had to stop and think, because I always want to be honest as I share how God has brought me through heartache and betrayal. But, after a few minutes, I honestly answered, "Surprisingly, I still rated it pretty high."

And, here's why. My God has proven faithful, loving, good, and compassionate to me too many times in my 36 years for me to have worried that He was going to stop now. What I know of Him is that He has GREAT plans for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. These are plans that give me hope and a future. I also know that my God is BIG and there is nothing any person can do to thwart His plans for me.

"Oh taste and see that the LORD is good."

I've tasted and I've seen and I trust that HE is GOOD. Here me say, AGAIN, that there have been difficult days. But, His goodness didn't stop on those days. And, even then, my "sight" was on what He WOULD do with the mess if I just gave it to HIM.

So, I agree with David. If I were speaking last words to my children today, I would begin with "Know Him." And, if I have the honor to watch my three children grow into adulthood, I pray I get to see evidence that they know their God and that they actively pursue and greater knowledge of HIM. If they know my God, He will guide them, correct them, love them and pursue them. Life may get hard, but intimacy with God through Jesus Christ will provide them with everything that they need to do this life and do it WELL.

I know I'm getting long winded. Please hang with me, because this part is so important to me. Honestly, I'm crying a little as I start to write it.

The knowledge that I have of God began in me through many people. I've listed them here before... parents, family, church leaders, friends, husband, children, etc. I have been so blessed in relationships. So many people have been willing to pour into my life from their own believing relationships. However, if I had been satisfied with Who God was to THEM, I would not have been very prepared for the events of August 26th. Let's be honest, I wouldn't be very prepared for the events of my daily life. See, God wants a PERSONAL relationship with each of us. Obviously, he desires that each of us come to saving knowledge of Him, but I believe HE wants even more. I believe that He wants each of us to know Him intimately.

Where am I going with this? I almost don't want to say it, because it truly sounds prideful in my head. But, I'm going to say it anyway, because I can't handle worrying that anyone might make my words your Bible or my relationship your relationship. In fact, I was told in one of my relationships a while back that a friend had made ME her God. I can't tell you the pain that causes me. He's SO, SO GOOD. I don't even come close!! If you settle for me, you're settling for WAY less that God intended for you. And, you know what else? You're setting yourself up for disappointment, because I am human and I HAVE AND WILL mess up. I don't use that as an excuse to do as I please with my testimony, but I know it to be fact. There is not a human on this earth who was meant to be God to another person. It will never work!

God has revealed Himself to me over and over. He has lavished me with his love and comfort. He has provided for my every need and demonstrated a plan to continue in that provision. He has given me great favor! BUT.... I AM NOT THE FAVORITE! No one else has to live off of the love He has given me or the knowledge of who HE is to ME. He desires YOU to experience it as well. If I get to be somewhat of a part in ushering you to the Father, it would be a great honor. I just pray that I am always a pit stop in the path to HIM. I can't be the finish line.

So... let's KNOW Him! Let's ask Him to show Himself to us. Let's be careful not to only ask Him to show us what He can do for us. I want to know Who He is. HE is our very great reward and worthy of our pursuit. He WILL NOT let us down.

Lunch With Friends

2012-01-07T18:05:00.000-08:00

Friendship is such a gift! Life is full of gifts, but I believe friends provide one of the greatest blessings we can experience in this life.

I drove to Hattiesburg today to spend an afternoon with 2 of the friends I've had since childhood. These friends plus one more who wasn't there today (we missed you, Macy) have been some of my closest friends since Jr. High. During lunch, we calculated that our friendship is going on 30 years!!!

There is not enough space on this blog to write about all that we have been through during those years. Three of us experienced moves in high school, divorce of parents, remarriage of parents, college/career struggles, weddings, new marriage struggles, 11 births, new mommy struggles, a scary health diagnosis, the loss of grandparents, the loss of a parent, the DEATH of a SPOUSE (whoa!), and don't even know how to categorize what they've recently lived through with me.

Friendship is such a gift! That's a lot of life to have to experience alone; and, thankfully, we haven't had to. Now, a couple of people have felt they needed to encourage me not to close myself off of friendships. I have been reminded that Satan can't have victory over me by tempting me not to trust people and friendships because I have been burned so badly in friendship. I appreciate that advice, but I don't think that will be a temptation. And, here's why...

The Bible calls us to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. It has been the greatest honor to be able to do that with friends. We didn't really talk about it today, but it was exactly 4 years ago that Stephanie and Jason found out he had leukemia. He lived only 7 short months after his diagnosis. If you've known me in any capacity over the past four years, you've heard me talk about her story. She was so strong during that time, and her dependance on God was amazing. Even in his death, her trust in God's sovereignty was life changing. I knew Stephanie's fear of being alone, so I felt the biggest testimony of her struggle was that God WILL provide every bit of grace we need to live in any given situation. If we weren't open to friendships, Stephanie never would have shared her journey with us and we never would have experienced the gracious love of our Father through her situation.

So, I still thank God for friends. I wish I could name all of you here. If you are someone I call "friend", I hope you know what a treasure you are to me. I hope you know that it is one of the great joys of my life to be able to walk a journey with you.

Three Simple Words

2012-01-04T07:37:00.001-08:00

Do you know what people have said to me over the past four months that has meant the most to me? Don't get me wrong. There's nothing simple about my situation. I realize some people may have avoided me completely; because, really, what do you say? When there was nothing else to say, you said it... "I am sorry."

Three simple words, but they have been my healing. To hear Scotty say to me (over and over) "I'm sorry for what I've done to you, our family and myself" has given me the freedom to heal and to help him heal.

Variations of those three words spoken to me by other people who have hurt me have caused me to see them in their brokenness, to see them a little more as God would see them and to begin the process towards forgiveness.

And, so many of you have said to me, "I'm sorry you have had to go through this," and I am now realizing that those words may have been the catalyst towards my healing and restoration. Sometimes, we just need a little affirmation in our feelings of hurt, betrayal, confusion, etc.

So, I want to say that to you! I'm sorry YOU have had to live through this tragedy. To some of you that may seem strange. You may be thinking, "Why are YOU apologizing to me?"

You may be wondering why I would assume anyone outside of the immediate circle of our hurt needs to be apologized to.

Some of you, however, may be thinking, "Thank you. As a fellow believer, I DO feel affected by the sins committed." And, I would say to you that I completely agree.

You see, I believe that when we wear the name, "Christian," we invite others to share in our lives. Relational living is the way God does life, and it's the way HE calls us to join in life. We weren't created for isolated living, and our actions DO affect other people.

Now, on good days, we are so grateful for that gift. We love sharing in the happy times with friends and family. A birth, a marriage, a birthday or an accomplishment are made much sweeter when others join us in the celebration.

Even in difficult days, we are so very thankful to have others coming in beside us to share in our struggles. Especially when those people are affirming us and building us up. It's during those times that we can't imagine doing life any other way. We realize our desperation to have others to lean on.

But, when we REALLY mess things up, wouldn't you agree that we'd rather just "bring it in" and focus ONLY on ourselves and MAYBE those that were directly affected? Wouldn't it be easier if we could somehow disconnect from the rest of the world when we have things we'd like to hide. Of course, it would be easier! For self! But, what about for the rest of those people that we've invited to share in every other part of our life?

What's my point? Well, let me see if I can bring the craziness of thought in my head together in a sensible way. Scotty and I know that there are still people in our small town talking, discussing, and bothered by our situation and what he did. The truth of the matter is, we are broken people living in a broken world. We all sin when we act out of that brokenness. And, I would venture to say that all of us act out of brokenness in varying ways. Some ways are more culturally accepted than others. But, to depend on anything other than the healing powers of our Heavenly Father to mend that brokenness is sin.

It would be very easy for Scotty and I to say to the few that may still be struggling with his sin, "This has nothing to do with you." "We are healing, and you need to let us heal in a supportive way." Or, "You do realize that you sin daily, too."

Let me tell you what I believe would be wrong with any one of those attitudes. They all focus on US. Now, is it important that we focus on our marriage and our family? Sure! I even agree that we should be our first focus. But, do we focus on ourselves and disregard the MANY people who we have done life with over the years? People who have walked with us throughout varying life situations? People who may still be struggling with how a person can say he believes one thing then act in a very different way? I say we CAN NOT!

A verse found in 1 Corinthians chapter 8 has come to my mind over and over during the past couple of weeks. It says,

"Be very careful, however, that in living out your freedom in Christ you do not become a stumbling block to the weak."

I know that Scotty is forgiven. He knows he's forgiven. But, I just wonder if we could be a real stumbling block to others if our attitude was, "You just need to get over it. This is between us and our family. We are healing and you need to forgive."

I don't know the correct answer. But, we feel that we will have to live out patience as those in our small community heal. So many have been so very supportive of Scotty's healing and complete restoration. But, we know there are some still badly hurt and very confused. We acknowledge that hurt and confusion as REAL, and we say, "We are so sorry."

I know that there is still much gossip going around, some of it true and some completely untrue. Believe it or not, that doesn't make either one of us angry. To Scotty, it's a real reminder of how badly he messed up. To me, it breaks my heart that our sin may have caused others to stumble in their walk. Either way, you matter to us. And, even as we are trying to heal, we are praying desperately for every person (young and old) that was affected by our situation to find each and every answer they need in our loving God. Sometimes the means to find Him aren't pretty, but He is amazing! I just encourage you to be very honest with Him about your hurt and confusion and get ready. When He brings it together and shows you how He can work everything together for good, you'll be forever changed.

We are forever changed to live, work and relate with those in life. We are forever changed so that we might possibly work WITH God to forever change the life of someone else. It's not about me... Not even for a second. I'm a very important part of the big picture, though. And, I think that's quite an honor.

So, if I need to utter a simple, "I am sorry," three little words, so that another important part of the big picture can heal and move on, I'm going to do it. You are worth it to me.

Our Life's New Normal

2011-12-25T16:51:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas is over. Gifts are put in their 'homes". Most of the laundry from our trip is put away. Life is pretty much back to normal. And, so... I'm struck with this thought.

"What is our normal now?"

I don't know that answer. I can't even share possible answers. Our house is still for sale. We are pretty sure we know what Scotty's long term work will be. But, that won't start until the house sells, and we can move. So, we don't know what he will be doing in the meantime. If we are moving, I need to start packing some stuff away and preparing. But, if God shows us that moving isn't the answer, then I want to keep our stuff right where it is. Do you see my dilemma?

"What is normal?" I DON'T KNOW!!!

Here's what I DO know. Prior to August 26th, I had a pretty set routine. I knew 'normal' well. There wasn't much question about what was to come each day. I mean... I'd already planned it out and written it on the calendar.

Post August, I haven't known what to expect each day. All I've known is that I can't do it alone. My days have begun with urgent pleading that God guide me, well CARRY, me through that day. And, because He's done that faithfully, each day has ended with humble gratitude to a God that has demonstrated a determination to restore us personally and relationally to a place even better than before. And, I'm amazed at how quickly He's started us on that path.

So maybe uncertainty is our new normal. If you know me at all, you might expect that makes me crazy. It should! I agree. But I've got to tell you... Not knowing where I'm headed on a daily basis but KNOWING Who is guiding me has been one of the largest blessings of my life. You see, after 4 months of living in this lifestyle, I can fully trust that God loves me with a love that redeems, restores, delivers, guides, protects, and encourages. Therefore, I start my days with a sense of uncertainty, maybe. But, I'm sure of the fact that God WILL demonstrate Himself to me in VERY REAL ways throughout each day.

"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3

Without a doubt, SOME of my days are filled with confusion, hurt, anxiety and fear. But ALL of my days are filled with humility, gratitude, hope and anticipation. God does have a plan for us, and I'm waiting in expectation for the revealing of that plan.

Until then... I'm going to enjoy the blessings of this new normal.

The Heartbreak of Betrayal

2011-11-06T19:51:00.000-08:00

'...because He always lives to intercede for them.' Hebrews 7:25

I've told some of you that Scotty and I are doing Bible study together. It has been such a blessing! Women's Bible study has been one of THE most important parts of my adult life. So, to go through some of these studies with Scotty has been enlightening for both of us.

We've recently started Breaking Free. Wow! I've been through the study before. But I think it's probably unnecessary for me to tell you how different it is this time around. We just finished the week that teaches that Christ came to 'bind up the broken hearted' as written in Isaiah 61. Beth Moore covers 4 different ways in which our hearts can be broken. The fourth day was spent on hearts broken by betrayal. I was NERVOUS about this particular day's study. I'm a self proclaimed 'stuffer'. And, although I've been much more open about my feelings over the past two months, my default mode is still to gloss over too many negative feelings.

Well... There was going to be none of that! The day's study was TOUGH! I feel I should pause here and let you know that I DO still struggle with hard days. My heart hurts greatly some days over the betrayals that I've experienced. I don't harp on those feelings much here, because the great work that God is doing is so much bigger. But, I would hate for anyone to think that my miracle is that I never face sadness. No! My miracle is that even in the sadness, God is doing absolutely amazing things.

Anyway, one of the points made on this particular day's lesson is that the pain of betrayal is often caused by the fact that the person (in my case persons) doing the betraying had to have know how his/her actions would hurt you yet they chose to do it anyway. Bingo! That is a point I'd rather not think about often. However, it was spelled out clear as day right there in my book, and there was no way around it. Can anyone say UGLY CRY?!?!?

The chosen scripture that day was the scripture on Jesus being betrayed by Judas. How perfect! Have you ever noticed in scripture that when Judas identifies who Jesus is he says that He would be the one Judas kissed? It struck me that it was not going to be abnormal for Judas to kiss Jesus, and that tells me that they were very close. Because of that closeness, Judas' betrayal HURT Jesus deeply. In fact, as Jesus went to pray in the Garden of Gethsamane, He said that his heart was sorrowful to the point of death.

I'm so grateful for so many who have encouraged me. There are so many that have prayed with me and offered to sit and talk with me. But sometimes, you just don't think anyone knows exactly how you feel. I was reminded this week that Jesus does! He knows the pain of betrayal. My great high priest knows EXACTLY how I feel. And when He's interceding on my behalf to my Heavenly Father, He knows exactly what I need. Often, I don't even know how to pray for myself. I'm not even sure during those times what could make me feel better. Jesus knows! And He's interceding on my behalf.

Maybe your pain is completely different. I know we all have pain, and scripture is clear.... We have a high priest who has experienced all of the difficulties of life. He KNOWS how we feel AND He knows how to treat it. There is hope in that thought. There is comfort in that truth. The sadness DOES still fill my heart at times. The good news is that it's showing up less often. But, how awesome to know that my Savior chose the road that included betrayal so that I could find comfort in Him in the midst of my own.

He's so good! I pray that you experience His goodness today in a way that leaves you wanting more and more of HIM.

Overjoyed!

2011-10-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

"All of my days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

O.K. So, last week I had a rocky start. I had a couple of setbacks, and Scotty left for Tupelo on Monday after being home with us for a full week. But, God was so very faithful, and I ended up having the best week I've had in a long time.

From the beginning, I have been trying, sometimes frantically, to piece together the infidelity like a puzzle or a timeline. Let me tell you... That has not been a productive past time. Last week, though, God began to weave a puzzle together for me. But, it had nothing to do with Scotty's sin and captivity. It had everything to do with how God had prepared me for it.

First of all, He brought to mind every Bible study that I have recently done. Obviously, every Bible study that I have participated in has been preparation for this journey. But the most recent ones could not have been better preparation. "Esther" was the first study I led at FBC. 'And who knows but that you have come to (this) position for such a time as this,' Esther 4:14. I think that's all that needs to be said about that one.

I then led 'When Godly People Do Ungodly Things' and 'Breaking Free'. Those two are unbelievably relevant to my current situation. Finally, this past January, I was able to participate in 'A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place with a few friends. No other study has ever been as life changing as that one was for me. God began to show Himself to me in a way that I had NEVER experienced before. I came out of that study realizing that God went to GREAT LENGTHS to have a relationship with me, and I wanted to enjoy the fullness of that relationship no
matter the cost. (Yes. I actually said no matter the cost!) He also showed me how great a price the Israelites had to pay for sin. In seeing that, it became even clearer that Christ came and fulfilled all requirements for sin payment, because we were never going to be able to take care of it for ourselves. I enjoyed the study so much that I led it again with the group at FBC this past summer, and God continued to teach me about His grace and provision concerning sin. He is after RELATIONSHIP with His children. No matter the cost!

Then, early in the summer, I heard the song 'Hosanna' by Hillsong. The first few times, I heard the song, I was in tears from start to finish. I know songs hit different people in different ways. But, for me, this song really brought about a true spirit of worship within me. And, right in the middle if the song are words that absolutely became the CRY of my heart and prayer for my life...

'Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like you have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything I am for your kingdom cause, as I walk from nothing to eternity.'

I literally prayed these words to God EVERY time I heard them for MONTHS!!!! I have cried over and over as I have realized that God placed it on my heart to pray for the very things that I would need when the news of August 26th hit. Please read those words again if you have not yet seen their relevance in my life today...

Through 'A Woman's Heart', God healed MY heart and showed me that HE alone has made us clean. And, through that, He gave me a desire that all would gain that understanding. Sinc August 26th, my prayer for everyone involved has been that they would pursue Christ and that HIS cause would be accomplished in individual hearts and then on a broader scale to follow. My heart has been broken for myself... Sure. But even more, my heart has been broken that so many people doing life so closely with me were living life unaware of how precious they are to their Father and acting out of that insecurity. God has been able to open my eyes to so many unseen things and in doing so
GROWN my faith tremendously. But here's the kicker... The #1 thing so many people have said to me is that they are amazed at my ability to love Scotty as Christ loves us. I told Scotty the other day that I honestly don't think I could love him any more than I do right now. In spite of the pain that his sin has caused, my love for him has grown infinitely.

"Show me how to love like YOU have loved me."

That was my prayer, and did God ever deliver! I'm terrified that you will read this post and think great things of me. Please don't. I have the same sinful nature that led Scotty down a path of destruction. And, my God loves me anyway. I didn't know back in late spring that I would
be called to demonstrate that same love. But God did! And He led me to pray for it.

At the risk of sounding like an over the top Christian (and it's quite possible that's what I'm becoming), I think we should all hit our knees right now and praise God for His sovreignty. He knows every second of every minute of every day that we live. And, not only is He walking us through the present, He is preparing us for what's not yet known to us. He is weaving our days together like a puzzle. Please take my word for it... You DO NOT need to fear! If He's calling you to walk a difficult road, He WILL prepare you for it. Truly in the midst of mine, I'm compelled to "rejoice in the sufferings, so that I may be overjoyed when His glory (who He is) is revealed," 1 Peter 4:13.

A Great, Big Much

2011-10-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

At least once every day, I'll say to Claire, "Claire Bear, I love you.". When I don't hear much in return from her, I'll say, "How much does Mama love you? Just a little bit?" Her response is always the same...

"No! (Giggles). You love me a BIG much!" (and her arms are stretched as wide as they can go).

Over the past week, so many of you have contacted me to say that you HAVE wanted to fight this battle for me. Several of you have even stated that by talking to those who have hurt me, you have felt you were betraying me. And most of you confessed these things to me with eyes full of tears. I just want to say that I have not felt as if you love me a little bit! I have felt that you love me BIG much! Actually, it feels like a GREAT, BIG much. And I thank you!

While my last post urged you NOT to fight but to forgive (and I DO still feel that way), I must say the desire from so many to WANT to take up for me has been a huge comfort! Not only that, it's been a reminder that I have many allies... Many friends whom I can call on when/if I lose heart. If my resolve to do the right thing for everyone involved should waver, I know I have friends who will stand with me. I can't tell you how much that means to me.

I am suddenly reminded of Moses leading God's people through the desert. There was a battle in which God called on him to stand with arms lifted. As long as his arms were lifted, the Israelites were winning. But when his arms dropped, the army experienced loss. Aaron and Hur literally came in beside Moses and held his arms up so that victory could be experienced. Moses was God's chosen warrior, but there is
no doubt that Aaron and Hur were key to the victory.

For whatever reason, I was chosen by God for THIS battle. But, I am keenly aware that victories have been experienced because so many of you have been willing to support me. You may not realize it, but figuratively speaking, many of you are holding my arms up HIGH, and we
are enjoying very literal victories.

I'm so grateful we weren't called to do life alone. I can't imagine walking this road without each of you. Thank you for being faithful, uplifting, and precious friends. I love you a GREAT, BIG much! :)

A Call to Celebrate...

2011-10-14T18:40:00.000-07:00

"But, while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, ran and kissed him... But, the older son became angry..." Luke 15: 20, 28

Well... Last week was a difficult week for me. Every time I decided it was time to blog, I would convince myself that my blogging "tone" would be too negative. I was VERY afraid that I would sit down to blog with the best intentions and end up saying things that I would later regret.

It was probably best that I DID NOT blog last week. But, now that I have some perspective, I've decided that I must write about the bad days as well as the good days. It is certainly not my intent that anyone reading assume that I never experience difficult days. I can honestly say that the number of joy filled days that I have had since August 26th AMAZES me. But... there are still dark, dark days.

A couple of weeks ago, God began to speak to me VERY CLEARLY about my response to the women involved in our story. Hmmm... Let me tell you,that's not fun. His message to me was clear. "I MUST begin to move towards forgiveness in EVERY situation in order to experience complete healing for MYSELF and MY family." That message sounded both liberating and impossible to me.

The process began at the beginning of the week and by Wednesday night, I had met with, emailed or written each of the women involved. I believe my situation is different than "most" spouses who deal with infidelity, because I was friends with each of the partners. There wasn't the same level of friendship with each of them, but there was still friendship. So... the betrayal was two sided. I wish I could list every detail of every conversation. I would love to be able to tell everyone how God worked in every interaction. That would not be appropriate in the least. But, I just want to say that I heard from each person EXACTLY what I had expressed to God that I needed to hear. EXACTLY!!!!

Now, I know it's not all about me. But, in a situation this huge, why would God be so good as to allow me to hear insignificant things that I had determined I needed to hear? Because He loves me! Because He is SWEET! And, I believe that He was blessing my attempt to be obedient in forgiveness EVEN THOUGH my flesh wanted to say, "It's still early! Surely I get to be angry for a little longer!"

A parable that has been important to Scotty and me during this whole process is the parable of the Prodigal Son. Let me assure you that Scotty is very much that prodigal. He squandered the inheritance on reckless living. And, like the prodigal, once he realized what he was giving up so much and that he was meant for much more, he began his journey home. And, I believe that his Father is celebrating over his return.

What God showed me, though, is that I COULD react just as the brother in the parable did. I had the opportunity to resist Scotty's return. Just like the brother, I had the opportunity to pout over our Father's celebration for his return. In doing so, I truly could have hindered his journey home. How could I have lived with myself if my selfishness KEPT a prodigal from returning to his FATHER?

And, then it hit me. It's possible that I COULD be that brother in the story of other prodigals by refusing to forgive. I don't know the journey that is being taken for all that are involved, but I know this... My heart's desire is that everyone know the love of our Father. And, I know that I DO NOT want to be the reason someone misses out on experiencing that love to the fullest.

So, I needed to forgive. I needed to forgive so that I could let go of bitterness. I needed to forgive because I'm tired of my focus drifting on occasion to people that are not important to the COMPLETE healing and restoration of my family. And, I needed to forgive to free others up to run with ALL that is in them to their Heavenly Father where true forgiveness is experienced.

So God brought it all together... in a WEEK! His blessings in our situation are too many to count. I am so grateful! In fact, I came to the point where I decided, "How can I hold on to bitterness over the very thing that has brought about healing and wholeness in my husband, myself and our marriage. So, I CHOOSE to forgive. I wish it was just a one time decision and it was done. I'm human and it's not. It's a process, but it's worth it!!!!

Here's my question... Are any of you acting as the brother towards anyone involved in this story on my account? I wouldn't presume that you have taken that on for me. But, I do know that I have been shown such GREAT love by so many. Therefore, I feel the need to say (just in case you're angry FOR me), let's celebrate over the return of the prodigals! I'm not the judge of any heart. God is responsible for that. But, I can tell you, honestly, that I prayed for discernment and I detected TRUE repentance from each person involved. So, let's get out of the way. Let's allow the prodigal to see the smile of the Heavenly Father that is REJOICING over his/her return. And, instead of pouting in the corner, let's join the party!

More Good News...

2011-10-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18

I wonder if any of you are growing tired of my posts. In this present situation, God is teaching me so much about Himself, my self and others using life's circumstances as my visual aid. Each day is fresh and new with a different lesson on the horizon. BUT, the basis for the lesson is still the same. Some of you may be ready to scream, "Let's just move on, please." And, I am sure that one day I will. But for now...

The very first day that Scotty shared his unfaithfulness, there was no doubt in my mind what I was going to do. Love him, forgive him, and let God redeem. There are several reasons why THAT part came easy for me. But, the main reason was that Scotty already demonstrated the fruit of TRUE repentance (no blame shifting, full responsibility, complete brokenness, etc.) in his brokenness, I could see the lies he had been believing about WHO he is. And, I could tell that he was READY to believe what God says about who he is. And, THAT made my choice so easy. Because THE BEST thing for me is to have SCOTTY whole and well in Christ.

BUT, not long after that day, I began to really worry about what OTHERS were thinking about my choice to stay in my marriage. I found the need to explain to anyone who would listen how significant the changes in Scotty were. I didn't want anyone 'feeling sorry' for me. I wanted everyone to know that Scotty was still God's best for me. I guess really I DID NOT want to look foolish to people looking in on parts of our story.

Then 1 Corinthians 1:18 came to my mind. The message of the cross IS unconditional love. It is grace and mercy. It is forgiveness. It is FREEDOM. Yet, it is foolishness to a world that is perishing.

And here's what I began to realize... The way in which a believer relates IN this world SHOULD look different, maybe even foolish, TO this world. As believers, we ARE NOT called to be door mats! We most definitely are not called to forgive and remain in dangerous or tempting
circumstances. But, I believe that we are wise followers of Christ when we choose to forgive those we love and help restore them to healing.

So, are you facing a situation in which you are being called to do something that the world does not understand? Do the opinions of others in any way hinder your obedient walk with Christ? Let me encourage you with this thought... The blessings of doing what God wants me to do
for myself, my husband and my family FAR outweigh ANY negative I have faced so far. I am learning that God truly does desire to bless obedience. In my case blessing has come in the form of true joy, overwhelming love, and indescribable peace.

So, step out in faith! Don't be afraid of looking foolish to a worl that is dying. We KNOW that what some would describe as foolishness is truly
the power of God. The same power that accomplished Christ's finished work on the cross is actively working in our world today. THAT is
great news!

Join Me in Prayer...

2011-09-30T16:28:00.000-07:00

I have run into so many people who have said, "I've been praying for you ". Each day, I receive messages from friends that want me to know they have just spoken with our heavenly father on my behalf. Letters, emails, etc. all come in regularly telling me that we are in your thoughts. Let me start by saying, we can certainly FEEL the prayers. I have given a few of you some specific prayer requests. Today I began thinking that I should list some requests here. I would LOVE for you to join me in praying for some very specific things.

1. Our house is for sale and we NEED for it to sale quickly! Mainly, because we won't be so pressed to find a new career for Scotty if we don't have this house note to make each month. We aren't sure where we will go if/when the house sales. But I do know that even if we stay in Clinton, I don't want to live in this spot. So, that's first on our list.

2. Secondly, I am desperately praying for direction for Scotty as far as career. When I was a sophomore at MC, I experienced God guiding me towards a career in education in a BIG way. Scotty has NEVER experienced that kind of direction. Now, God has always provided for us, and Scotty has been able to do things that he enjoys and is gifted in, but he has just not felt that feeling of 'THIS is what I was meant to do'. I have literally pleaded with God that now would be the time that Scotty experiences that kind of calling.

3. The obvious prayer request is that God would lead us WHERE HE wants us to be. This one is tough for me. There is a part of me that wants to stay right here and show everyone what God can do. That is the part of me that LOVES this sweet place. Scotty and I have both been here 18 years! Wow. That is the longest I've lived anywhere. We met here, got married here, I started working in a district that I love here, we had our kids here.... And mainly, we have formed relationships with some of the most caring people that have ministered to us
through each and every one of those events. Ugh... I get sad when I think of leaving our life here.

Then, there's the part of me that occasionally gets nauseated just sitting in a car rider line just because I've ended up in line near someone I really didn't want to see. There are nights that I leave the soccer fields so worked up that I find it difficult to fall asleep hours later. I HATE to think of leaving the comforts of home, but there is something to be said for going somewhere that we can start over. And, there are consequences for sin. Leaving our home might just be one of them.

4. Pray for Scotty. Some of you may not be ready to read this, but I need to write it anyway. As long as I've known Scotty, he has struggled
with self doubt, shame, feelings of defectiveness, and unworthiness. He became a believer at age 18, and fell in love with God and His word.
The first ten years of our marriage, we both grew in our faith; but, sadly, Scotty still experienced these feelings. As I'm studying When Godly
People again, I'm understanding that Satan (the liar) encouraged those feelings of shame, unworthiness, and defectiveness until Scotty
began to act in those ways. If that description seems too simplistic for the horrible things that have taken place, I am truly sorry. I tried to
make the description as concise as possible for this post. The beauty of God's work in Scotty's life right now is that he can now see himself
as God sees him. The moment the truth was out, walls that Scotty had put up as a defense mechanism began to come down. And as he
was able to truly see God's love, he was able to also feel loved by me in a way that I'm not sure he ever had. Naturally, he experiences
waves of sorrow and regret DAILY. I believe that's normal, but I would ask that you pray with me that God would protect him from Satan's
darts of shame and guilt.

5. Last one. I promise. Pray for our marriage. There is no way for me to describe what is going on in our marriage now. And, you don't really want all of the details anyway. But just imagine that walls that we each put up for years that kept us from connecting with each other deeply... the way that God intended for us to connect... have been demolished. We communicate like never before, we ENJOY each other's
company, and we are studying the Bible together daily. The most amazing thing is that we've discovered how DEEPLY we still love each
other. So, what's the prayer request? Please pray that God would guard our hearts. I know that Satan would love to attack us now while we
are wounded and recovering. Pray for our strength and continued dependence on Him.

I really didn't intend to go on and on for so long. I know that you aren't surprised. Words can't express how grateful I am to be able to share from my heart and know that I am surrounded by people that love me enough to intercede on my behalf. You are such a blessing to me!

My Lesson in Emotional Provision

2011-09-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

"And my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

There is an illustration that Beth Moore uses in one of her Bible studies that has spoken to me over the years. She uses a glass pitcher and stones. In an effort to demonstrate how we so often look to people to 'fill us up', she places the stones inside the glass pitcher. Each stone is a symbol of a compliment, encouraging word, act of kindness, or anything else another person could bless us with. I don't know about you, but people toss such 'stones' my way all day long. Still, at the end of the day, the stones would reach the top of the pitcher, but through the glass pitcher you can see that there is still a whole lot of unfilled space between the stones.

Isn't that what we do so often. We are looking to other people to fill our cup when no human being is capable of filling it. And, by the way, they weren't meant to fill it. We were always meant to find fullness in Him. God CAN supply everything we need to be whole in Him. Not only that... He WANTS to do it.

The second part of the illustration is very enlightening. Beth filled the glass pitcher to the very top with water. The water symbolized a filling of Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. After that filling, there's NO unfilled space in the pitcher! Therefore, when a stone (still symbolizing things we get from others) is tossed into the pitcher, the water splashes out. THAT is what I was created for... To be so COMPLETE in Him that I don't NEED from others. But, when the compliments, encouraging words and acts of kindness come, the love of Jesus within me splashes out onto whoever gave it.

I love that illustration. This is one of the concepts that our therapists spoke a lot about during our week in Branson as well. I believe this is the reason that Scotty and I are experiencing closeness in our marriage like we've never experienced before. Each and every day, we are pursuing God first. In the position we are in, there IS NO person that could minister to us in the way we need it. Maybe that's why James tells us to consider it joy when we face trials. We truly find God at our points of deepest need. Atleast for me, I had to find myself in a place of complete brokenness to look ONLY to Him to put me back together. And, in that pursuit of the same Person and the same goal, Scotty and I
are in a place that amazes me. I told him on our date Saturday night that if I was able to choose to take away the infidelity and have our
marriage back the way it was, I would turn it down. Now I know what our marriage was intended to be, and I can't go back to the ways of
the past. Now, if I get to choose to have the relationship we have now WITHOUT the infidelity, well that's another story! :)

I wish I could tell you I have arrived. I wish that I didn't still find myself in places of feeling that I need something from someone else. If I can be honest (and why wouldn't I be now?), there are still a number of things that I feel I need from others involved in our story... Explanations, true apologies, truth, recognition of betrayal, and my list could go on and on. But, that logic is of the flesh. And, honestly, if I got all of that, my situation would be no different. So I must, once again, approach my Heavenly Father with everything I think I need and let Him meet those needs according to HIS riches in Christ Jesus. When all is said and done, that's what I really want anyway.

Thank you, Father, that YOU are always enough. And YOU are able and wanting to take care of ALL of my needs.

Gratitude...

2011-09-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

I feel that I should start by saying that I don't have anything super spiritual or upliftingto say today. What I want to say is that I spent my ENTIRE day at a local spa. Yep! I got there at 11:00 and didn't leave until after 4:00. Why? Because shortly after Scotty resigned and life as we knew it changed in the blink of an eye, a sweet friend showed up on my porch with a gift. She quickly left before I could open it. So I sat alone and opened a gift that was from 16! friends. It was a full day's spa package and a ridiculous amount of spending cash to go with it. I was blown away at the love expressed to me in the words of the card and the generosity given to me in my gift.

So, as I was relaxing today, I was reminded that some of God's greatest gifts to me have been the PEOPLE that HE has placed in my life. And, because of that, I feel I should say a few 'thank you's.

First of all, the weekend that the news broke, my mom was out of town. No worries... Lisa Gunn took over mothering duties for all 3 of my children. She knew that Scotty and I would need the time to process all of this information together. I will never be able to repay her for caring for my children. I knew I did not need to worry one second for them. And that's a great thing, because I couldn't have.

During those first three days, countless friends texted and offered to do whatever we needed. A number of my TOT girls offered a shoulder to cry on and encouraging words to live on. They were amazing. A few other friends insisted on sitting right beside us during our last worship service just prior to Scotty's difficult announcement.

On Sunday afternoon, my three dearest and oldest friends drove here just to be with me. They cried with me and supported me. Just two days after life changing news, they even had me laughing hysterically! Amazing friends. Shortly after they left, I was able to talk to my sweet mom. It took her about 4 hours to get here and she TOOK OVER this household LITERALLY! She was amazing and probably the only
person that could have kept things completely normal for my children for the TWO WEEKS that I was unavailable to them.

Just as an aside, I also owe my wonderful mother a big thank you for being the first one to show me a true LOVE for Jesus Christ and His Word. She has been a fabulous mother; encouraging, nurturing, loving me no matter what, but the best thing she has done for me is to
demonstrate utter dependence on her God. Man, am I grateful for that today! The rest of my family has come together to do so many things for us. And, while we haven't seen Scotty's family yet, thet have been encouraging us through texts, cards and phone calls as well. We are blessed by family.

I WISH I could list everyone else that has been so wonderful to us. Those of you that send encouraging texts regularly are so very appreciated. Others have sent cards, offered free babysitting, helped with school pick up, offered to cook for me, and above all just loved us unconditionally.

Recent events have made me question my lifestyle of enjoying friendships and making myself vulnerable by loving others and choosing to do life WITH people rather than in isolation. Anytime you open up to people, you risk betrayal. Satan would LOVE for me to come away from this experience with the mindset that people can't be trusted. He's fighting another losing battle, because he has underestimated all of you. And, doing life in relationships... the way God intended... is always worth the risk!

So, because I don't have the luxury of thanking each of you individually... THANK YOU!!! You are a precious gift to me."

"I thank my God every time I remember you.." Philippians 1:3

Sift, Lord, Sift!

2011-09-22T05:56:00.000-07:00

"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." Luke 22: 31-32

I have a favorite Bible study writer.... Beth Moore. Those of you that read this blog know that. I have several favorite studies of hers. One of them is When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. I've done that particular study 4 times!!! And, now, I'm doing it a fifth time! Each time, God has ministered to me in a different way through Beth's message and God's Word. This time, each day's study is exactly what I need for that day.

The most powerful lesson so far is a study of Peter's sifting. Peter was a pretty big New Testament player. In fact, Christ called him the Rock that He would build the church upon. However, Peter also had some struggles. He rebuked Jesus for telling him that He (Christ) would have to endure sufferings, he had quite the temper, cut off the ear of a soldier and at his very lowest denied Christ three times! As a matter of fact after Peter was told that He would play a key role in the building of Christ's church, Jesus had to say to him, "Get behind me, Satan!"

Yes. Peter had struggles. But, as the verse at the top of this post points out, Peter had more than just struggles. He was facing Satanic attack. And what Beth Moore points out in her Bible study is that Satan must gain permission to launch a full scale attack on one of God's children. The obvious question here is "Why?" Well, I believe that if God allows it, there is a purpose. He knows that HE can work all things together for good.

I may be losing some of you. Please understand that I am NOT saying that God caused the sins that have done serious damage to my marriage and our family. No way! This was NOT his plan for our marriage. BUT, can He use it? Absolutely. And He already is.

The point is that sometimes warfare enters a believers life because, just like Peter, there is something in that life that needs sifting. Peter's devotion to Christ was pure even though the rest of his character needed a little work. And, the only reason that God would grant Satan permission to 'sift Peter like wheat' is... Something needed sifting! Today, why would God allow someone with a whole hearted, sincere, and
pure devotion to Christ to get caught in the snare of demonic seduction? I LOVE Beth's answer, even though it sort of makes me shudder...

"Because, not unlike Peter, something needs removing, sifting, changing that an intense encounter with the kingdom of hell would best accomplish."

Do you have chills? Satan got used! That makes me smile. Maybe there IS a competitor deep within me, because the fact that there are
occasions when Satan thinks He is winning a battle only to find out he was USED to accomplish God's greater purpose makes me want to
stand up and fight. I want to be a part of the winning team!

One more thing... I realize that I wasn't the one caught in Satan's lies. It may seem unfair to some that I must reap the consequences when the attack and sift was meant for Scotty. In other words, if there was something in Scotty that needed removing, couldn't He have used something that would have affected only Scotty. Let me answer that. I will not know God's ultimate purpose this side of heaven. But here's
what I do know... My Heavenly Father LOVES me! And, He would NOT have allowed these horrible things to have happened to me if He
could not turn them into good FOR ME! AND, in the process, I could use a good sifting as well. I believe that and I trust HIM! So, it is in that trust that I say, "Sift, LORD, sift!"

STILL good...

2011-09-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

Wow! Where does someone in my position begin...? I know it must seem odd that I would write so publicly in my situation. And I'm not sure if writing about life's lessons under such circumstances is proper or good etiquette. BUT... I have ALWAYS been an open book. I've never tried to look like I've got it all together. What I HAVE tried to do is to beVERY vocal about the way in which God shows up in my daily life. Due to the fact that He has been 'showing up' even more than usual, I just can't stand not sharing. If it's uncomfortable to read.... Well, don't! :)

My God is so, so good. I have trusted that for a very long time. You see, I've been a believer since I was 7 years old. Shortly after that, my family's life began to change, and CHANGE became one of the few constants throughout my time growing up. So, looking back, I walked closely with the Lord even then. When I came to MC, I came hungry to learn more about God. And, I was blessed to be in a place where so many people were focused on my spiritual growth. On and on it continues... Marrying a man that 'hungered and thirsted for righteousness', studying in women's Bible studies, experiencing the births of my children, seeing God work in difficult life situations that sweet friends experienced... And through it all, I saw a whole lot of God's goodness. But now, THAT knowledge has moved past my head and DEEP into my heart! I can't explain it with words. But, those of you who have been through hard situations know what I mean.

Let me be clear... Sin is terrible! The consequences are far reaching and long lasting. For that reason, I am even more amazed that God can use even this to bring goodness to me. Yes! Just three weeks after hearing the worst news of my life, I feel God's blessings all over me. I love my husband more than I ever have! I am even more grateful for my amazing, beautiful children. I see God's provisions for us
everywhere. And, I am honored to be living THIS life that He has chosen for me! He is GOOD, His mercies are new EVERY morning and
HIS grace is sufficient for EVERY situation.

Certainly, I wish we could have learned some of the lessons we've learned in three weeks WITHOUT the disaster that has been our tutor. Don't you know that King David, Peter and even Paul felt the same way. The Bible is full of examples of humans the fell BIG, repented BIG
and then were used in a BIG way. I am sticking with this, because my God is faithful! And when He uses this thing that Satan is sure will be the death of us and our testimony and turns it into something beautiful, I don't want to miss it! And I will say, as in Joseph's story, "What you
have intended for evil, God has used for good." I love Him so much!

Hello, Blog World! I've Missed You...

2010-05-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

Wow. I feel like a stranger in my own blog! I have no excuses. Actually, I do, but I'm not going to share them. Let's just say we've been enjoying A LOT of God's Goodness in my absence. And, most of it has been done at the ball park. While I realize that this would be a death sentence to most people, we LOVE it. And, it's something we all enjoy doing together. Caleb and Collin each had at least 10 games this season. Scotty coached them all and Claire and I watched them all. We are away from home more during the spring, but we have spent more time ALL TOGETHER than ever before. It's been fun.

Now...my reason for writing today. Another chapter is ending for my children. The biggest news is that Collin is a preschool graduate! He has the semi cap and diploma to prove it. He has had such a wonderful preschool experience! His teachers and his friends LOVE him. And, he is so ready for Kindergarten. I couldn't have asked for more. His last day was yesterday, and when he woke up this morning, he really thought he was going to Kindergarten.

Caleb is wrapping up first grade. UNBELIEVABLE! Two years ago, he turned 5, and I was super anxious about it. The reason...because I knew that once he began "real" school, the years would fly by. I was right! However, the time has been so much fun that I can't really grieve it's passing. Every new season has been even more fun than the last. So, I am now excited about the years to come as Caleb leaves the FABULOUS Clinton Park for Northside.

Now, I can't let a door close without looking at all the angles and really analyzing all that we have to be thankful for. I say it over and over, but it's worth repeating...God's greatest gifts to me have always been the PEOPLE that he has placed in my life! I'm talking about family, friends, Scotty, our children, teachers, pastors, mentors, etc. The list could go on and on. At every stage of my life, I can name someone that made a difference in my life at that point.

What I have noticed this year more than ever is that God is blessing my children in the same way! And, that is so exciting. They have been so blessed by the teachers, friends, and leaders that they have come in contact with over the past couple of years. I LOVE that Scotty and I are their main "teachers", but I am also glad that their lives can be enriched by others who are so eager to teach and encourage and love them.

The flip side of that is that they are learning now (in very small ways) that THEY can be that "make a difference" person in someone else's life. And, I pray they will take advantage of those opportunities.

There are LOTS of choices families must make these days about school, church, activities, etc. I don't feel that any one choice is THE right choice. But, we all have to make the right choice for our own families. I'm so happy with the choices we've been able to make for US.

So as we move into the summer knowing that the next school year will begin with Caleb in 2nd grade, Collin in Kindergarten and Claire in preschool (WOW!), I can only look with anticipation for even more relationships that God will bless us with individually and as a family.

Now, let the summer fun begin!!!

The Power of Words....

2010-01-28T18:25:00.000-08:00

Claire is becoming quite the talker. She didn't talk as quickly as Collin did. And, we blame most of that on the pacifier. Obviously, we weren't overly concerned about that, because she STILL has it. Recently, however, she has really been talking A LOT. I mean, she's stringing sentences together and really communicating.

Now, as all parents know, this can be really good AND it can be pretty bad. A point made very clear by her most recent phrase..."STOP TALKING TO ME!" which she says very clearly and very emphatically with just a touch of disrespect.

The other day, we were in the van (I know, SHOCKER!)on our way to pick up Caleb, and Collin was really irritating Claire. I mean, honestly, he was driving her nuts. Every time he said something, she would scream her new, favorite phrase. However, he was not getting the picture, and they were BOTH driving ME nuts.

So, I turned around and asked Collin to stop bothering her. Then, I looked at Claire and asked her to quit saying that. She paused, turned her gaze (glare!) to me and said, "YOU stop talking to me TOO!"

Well, I carry a spanking stick in the car for these types of occasions. But, this one took me by such surprise that I had to turn my head for a quick grin before taking care of business.

Wow! I mean, you just assume that certain issues -- like respect for a parent -- are just innate, yet I am reminded over and over that they certainly ARE NOT. That sweet, little girl turned on her Mama in a second, and I saw first hand the power struggle that is beginning already.

Last night, though, I was cleaning the kitchen while she kind of fumbled around at my feet. Without any prompting or persuading, she looked up and said, "Mama, I love you." Awww... I could live off of that for a while.

At some point, Claire will have to learn that with her new knowledge of communication, she now has the power to speak LIFE or DEATH.

In the meantime, it's a good reminder for her mother!

OH NO...Another Hunter?!?!

2010-01-05T12:05:00.000-08:00

Late yesterday afternoon, Scotty pulled out a deer hunting video. He, Caleb and Collin all sat in the den for quite some time watching hunters prepare for and shoot animals. The boys were loving it.

Collin got all worked up over this hunting thing. He made Scotty pull out the guns to show him. They talked about going to shoot at targets and getting ready to hunt "for real".

Right before bed, Collin began announcing that after his "sleep", he was going to go for a hunt in our back yard. He told me that he would shoot a squirrel, bring it inside, and I could cook it. He's very imaginative, so I went along with the pretending.Or, so I thought.

Well...at 1:30 a.m., Caleb and Collin were standing beside my bed. Caleb looked as if he might still be sleeping. Collin looked wide awake. When I said, "what in the world are y'all doing," Collin said, "we're going hunting!"

At that point, I chuckled a little (out loud which made him a little angry), and Caleb rolled his eyes and went back to his bed. So, I knew that he was indeed still sleeping. There is no telling what his brother told him to get him out of bed.

Thankfully, Collin was able to sleep off his disappointment. But, when Ms. Erin put him in the car after preschool, she let me know that he had told her all about "the hunt" that was about to take place. So, after lunch, he grabbed his bow and arrows, put on his thick camo jacket and climbed the only tree in our backyard that he could climb (a very short Dogwood). He sat perched there quite some time with his arrow in place and the string pulled back just waiting for the perfect squirrel. I don't know much about hunting in general, but I'm pretty sure squirrels don't come to you. And, a bow and arrow wouldn't necessarily be the best choice in weapon for such a hunting excursion. I guess he knew, though, that a deer sure wasn't going to happen into our back yard.

I have had MANY frustrations over the years with Scotty's hunting. It's hard to get used to the obsession. Then, with a family, it's difficult to like the thing that takes Daddy away from us on precious days off. BUT, if the boys end up enjoying it and it's something they can do together, it just might be worth it.

Because, that sweet, little boy had so much fun pretending this morning that the real thing should be quite an adventure.

I'm So Beautiful!!!

2010-01-04T18:14:00.000-08:00

Is my new look GORGEOUS or what!?!

I have a very talented friend that takes pictures. I've had this photo in mind for a while. So, while she was doing our Christmas cards, I asked her to snap this picture of the kids. It will soon be hanging above the fireplace in our den. I can't wait.

I have another talented friend that is an ARTIST (I don't know her title). I asked her if she could insert Heather's picture as my title, because I couldn't figure out how to do it. And, this is what she did.

I LOVE IT!!!

Now, I'll just have to find time to come here and write about the events of our days. I'll need an excuse to come stare at the beauty that is now....my blog.

It sure does pay to have talented friends. :) Thanks, girls.

A Christmas Memory

2009-12-30T18:58:00.000-08:00

This has to have been one of the best Christmas holidays I have had yet. Probably, our children are at perfect ages to experience the magic of Christmas. All in all, it was a fabulous event....

But, nothing goes off without a hitch at our house. So, the "hitch" came on Christmas Eve. We had been at MeMe and Pop's house for a couple of "sleeps" and were coming back home on the morning of Christmas Eve. We got into town just in time to make it to the 12:30 showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks. This was Claire's first experience at the movies. So, with popcorn, Coke, and snacks we began the adventure. They all did great, and the movie was really cute. I'm not positive that the other people in the movie thought that Claire screaming, "ALVIN!" at the top of her lungs periodically was as cute as we did. But, oh well.

Next, we went home to enjoy a relaxing afternoon of naps and playing with some early Christmas presents. Later in the afternoon, we began to see problems. Caleb was getting VERY upset while playing a soccer game on the Wii. And, when I say "upset", you must picture that he's actually playing soccer in something as important as...let's say....THE OLYMPICS! and not doing well. The emotions that you would imagine during such a situation are what we began to witness. Collin went without a nap, because...it was Christmas Eve. If you know Collin without a nap, I need not go into detail.

So, a little before 5:00, we all go to the church for the Christmas Eve service. There is no childcare during the Christmas Eve service, because families are encouraged to worship together. Since you know that I have a 6 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old, I should probably stop here and let you just imagine how the rest of the night went.

But, I'm not. On our particular pew, there was jumping, crying, eating (SUCKERS!), noisy wadding of paper, more crying, more jumping, and the kicker was Claire elbowing the head of the person sitting below us in the balcony. After much singing, several solos, a few dozen instrumental solos, scripture reading and a candle lighting ceremony...ONE HOUR LATER...we were leaving that horrid pew. I did not make eye contact with the lady whose head was elbowed just minutes earlier.

That probably sounds like enough. I wish!

No, we had to spend some time waiting for Scotty to finish up before leaving. My better judgement told me to get the keys and wait in the car. However, we chose to wait in the welcome area. It was a VERY brief yet VERY horrible wait. I don't remember all of the details. But, I do remember telling the boys (as seriously as if I believed it myself) that if they did not calm down, I would call Santa as soon as we got home and tell him to LEAVE one of their gifts in the North Pole. I didn't say it quietly either, so I'm pretty sure I was the topic of conversation in the privacy of at least a few homes that night.

Things get kind of blurred in my memory from there until the point where Claire bounded out of one of the nice, cushy, chairs for the floor. At that point, Collin wanted to "help her" stop jumping, so he grabbed her legs WHILE SHE WAS IN THE AIR. She landed on her mouth just past the rug onto the bricks.

The white, Christmas shirt got pretty bloody, the boys got a not so fun talking to in the car and we went to Mazzio's to enjoy a nice, Christmas Eve dinner. Believe it or not, we really did have a good time. I guess part of the magic of Christmas is that even the traumatic is soon to be forgotten when Santa is ON HIS WAY!

There were so many wonderful things that we experienced during our vacation. I hate to share this horrible event and make it seem that our entire holiday was full of small disasters. It definitely was not. But, I had to share this story just in case there is anyone out there that thinks we always have it together. (I'm laughing even as I'm typing. Surely, there are none of you left.)

We definitely spent some time being thankful for ALL of our gifts. Christ Jesus is our first. Family and friends to share in our journey of life is close behind. I hope you all had a fantastic holiday as well and are looking forward to a great new year. Personally, I can't wait to see all that 2010 holds.

And, for any of you who haven't already heard the previous story...Claire is fine. Her front tooth may be a little out of place. But, it's not noticeable. It only affected her eating for that night and all of the blood came out of the white, Christmas shirt. So...I think it can be counted as a very minor incident. Those three are capable of much, MUCH worse. :)

Blushing Cheeks

2009-10-05T16:35:00.000-07:00

We spent the better part of the day on Saturday at the soccer fields. Collin had a game at 9:00. Then, Caleb had games at 10:00 and 12:00. There wasn't enough time in between the two games, so we just stayed, had lunch and enjoyed the weather. All of us were so happy that the soccer fields had not washed away, we could have stayed out there ALL day.

But, due to our inability to be outside for the better part of the last three weeks, our summer tans have officially vanished. Everyone left with a little too much sun on our faces. Claire's was the worst, and I didn't even notice it until she woke up from her nap. She fell asleep on the way home and was just moved to her bed. When I went to get her later in the afternoon, I noticed that her cheeks were toasty red.

Later on in the day, Scotty was taking Caleb to a birthday party. He had observed Claire's cheek redness and said, "Dad, Claire looks like she likes a boy."

Now, I'm just wondering if he's seen that on a t.v. show or movie. Or, maybe he's heard someone talking about "blushing". But, maybe, just maybe, he has felt the heat in his cheeks over his own intrigue with girls. Hmmm...

And, since most of you know Caleb, you know I'll just have to keep on wondering. He'll never tell!

Homework Hassels, Hair Dos, and A Lot of Help

2009-09-21T16:03:00.000-07:00

Well...I almost don't remember how to post on this blog anymore. It's been a really long time, and I have been sufficiently harassed by many. I'd love to say that I am back and will be posting more frequently from here on out. But, that is probably not the case. So, just to make up for so much time lost, this entry will be super long.

As you know, school is back in session. Before I begin to shell out complaints in my usual blogging fashion, I must first admit that I love it. I love fixing lunches, organizing backpacks, taking to school, picking up from school, and DOING HOMEWORK. I really do. I think back to my days of teaching. I remember greeting children as they entered, checking homework from the night before, assigning homework, and sending them home at the end of the day. And, it's fun for me to be on the other side now.

However, my Caleb DOES NOT enjoy the homework so much. He is exhausted when he comes home in the afternoon. They have worked HARD all day. There are no nap mats in first grade, so he's working from 7:30 until 2:30. Even though the homework only takes about 15 minutes (including reading his book), he is completely ticked off about having to do it.

On top of that, his mother wants to go through each and every paper and "work through" any mess ups. For him, this is the icing on the cake. He HATES messing up. So, when I show him the mistake and begin talking about what happened, he makes the worst face you can imagine and then says things like, "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING", "SHE ALWAYS MARKS ON MY PAPER" or (my favorite) "I'M JUST NOT GOOD AT SCHOOL".

Is that lovely or what?

O.K., secondly, they have a behavior chart in their room where all students begin the day on green. Their color changes as they make mistakes during the day. Blue is second and, thank goodness, I don't know beyond that. But, twice this first six weeks Caleb has been moved to blue. I didn't make a big deal the first time, but it happened again this past week. I was visiting the school the day it happened, and his teacher told me the story. Then, she said Caleb had been crying about it all morning. "Why," she asked him. "Because I don't want my mom and dad to yell at me."

Well, if I hadn't been warned, I most definitely would have. And, it would not have been the first time I have over reacted. I had a wonderful discussion with his teacher at that point about all of the issues I'm having with Caleb.

She has figured him out. Ms. Kinchen began explaining to me that Caleb is a perfectionist. He doesn't want to mess up...EVER. She told me to back off a little and trust that when the mistake has been made (in behavior or school work), he has been harder on himself than I could ever be on him. As long as it doesn't become a habit, everyone messes up and deserves just a warning occasionally. I am so thankful for Caleb's teacher. She is one of the best in the district, and she is truly making a difference in his life -- and mine too, apparently.

Well, guess what? I knew all of those things about Caleb. Not just because I know him. But, I know myself. In describing Caleb, Ms. Kinchen described his mom. So, why have I been bearing down on him so hard? Because I'm a perfectionist -- I want him to be perfect! And, it took a fabulous teacher to help me see that horrible truth. Caleb and I had a long talk that day about mess ups and failures. From one perfectionist to another, I apologized for being too hard on him and not letting him make a mistake. Even Mamas mess up, and if I'd had a "light", I would have let him move mine to blue. Possibly even red, which I do know is the very worst.

About our Collin, he's sporting a MOHAWK! He has been BEGGING me for about 2 weeks for one. Several of his little friends are wearing their hair spiky. I kept saying "no". His daddy kept saying "no". On Saturday, we took him to get a haircut. We were eating pizza and Scotty took Collin next door while we waited for our food. He came running back into the restaurant sporting his mohawk with a smile from ear to ear. He has told me MANY times this weekend that his haircut is "awesome". Actually, I'd have to agree.

Again, I messed up. It's hair! It will grow back. This was not a battle worth fighting. There are worse things he could have asked to do. And, NO ONE has looked at Collin since his haircut without a smile.

And, finally, Claire bear has terrified us once again with another febrile seizure. It happened last Sunday before church. I'm not going to go through all of the details, because it happened just like the last two episodes. But, I will remind you that the doctors have all told us that children with seizure tendencies usually grow out of them between 3 and 5, and if it's not closer to 3 I might literally lose my mind. Just sayin'!

On a happier note, though. Claire has turned into quite the helper. She wants to assist in all of my chores. She loads and unloads the dryer. She loves to help me fold clothes. However, when she's done, I really just have a very tall stack of all of the clothes that were in the dryer. And, last night she helped me rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher. Basically, she turned a 10 minute project into a 30 minute project. At the end of which, she needed a new set of pajamas and I had to mop down the kitchen. But, she did have a good time.

CHILDREN!!! They consume our thoughts, the minutes of each day, and now all of the space I could possibly cover in my blog. If I'm gone too long, it would be safe for you to assume that I am bogged down in the happenings of one or more of the little people previously mentioned. They are precious in every way. While they fill my days with unexpected, shocking and sometimes scary events, I do know that these are the days I will miss terribly in a few short years. So, I am trying to carve out a little piece of time each day to just RELAX and ENJOY. Yesterday AND today, I gave myself permission to nap with Collin just because he asked me to (and I was exhausted).

It took a teacher, a silly haircut and one more scare from Claire bear, but I've been reminded to slow down and calm down. And, here is a verse that has been put in front of me on several different occasions over the last week. Maybe it applies to this post, maybe not. Maybe you (like me) just need to hear it:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition offer your requests to God. And, the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4: 6-7

Classic Collin

2009-08-21T13:17:00.001-07:00

UPDATE! (8/22/09)

As per Sassy's suggestions, I have included "proof" of Collin's love for all things baby. They have been added to the end of my original post which is..

The other day, I was driving home with only Collin in the car. He is my chatterbox on the road. If he's not talking to me, he's making another sort of continuous noise. He does not believe in quiet time in the car.

He asked me several questions about Claire being a baby. Then, he asked a few questions about when he was a baby. After hearing all of my answers, he pondered for a few minutes and then said, "When I grow up I'm gonna be a baby!"

He does love to be a baby. And, after all of my worries about him being lost in the mix as the "middle child", it may be Claire we have to worry about. I mean, what do you do if you ARE the youngest but your big brother determines he IS the baby?

We shall see!

Our Little Copycat!!!

2009-08-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

Yes. I know I need to update this blog with pictures of Caleb and his first days of first grade. And, I realize you'd all like to see Collin off to his first day of four year old preschool today. I would LOVE to share those with you. But, I haven't had a second to upload those pictures and organize them.

So, that will have to wait for another day. For those of you wondering...Both boys had fabulous first days.

The best part of each first day has been that Scotty was able to join in our fun. For the past three years, Scotty has been driving other people's children to school via his school bus. But, due to the new full time job that includes benefits, he is with us every morning. Yippee!!!

So, last Thursday we all took Caleb to first grade. As we pulled in, cars lined every free spot and a gazillion parents were walking children in. I was explaining the situation to Scotty (who as I stated before) is unfamiliar with our morning routine when Caleb chimes in..."Well, you're not walking me in." That's our independent fella. I really love that about him....MOST of the time.

Collin had a great day today also. He was eager to tell me all about his day; then, he took a good, long nap. So, I guess the fun wore him out.

But, since I don't have pictures of either of those events YET, I thought I'd share what Claire is doing these days. She is copying EVERYTHING her big brothers do. She's working on copying what we say, but it still doesn't sound anything like our words, so her actions are more noticeable.

If the boys are playing the Wii, she gets a spare remote and pretends to play the game. If they are riding bikes, she is on a skateboard. When they are wrestling, she waits for just the right time and jumps right into the middle of the madness.

I was flipping through beach pictures again the other day and got "stuck" looking over this one. It is priceless to me, because she was very careful to mimic everything those boys were doing. They clearly stooped down to be even with her. But, that was unnecessary, because she just stooped even lower in order to "look" just like they did for the picture.

So fun! And, while the boys will nearly bite the other's head off for "copying", they don't seem to mind so much when "Claire bear" does it. I'll enjoy it while it lasts, because I'm sure her day is coming.

A Routine In Sight

2009-08-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

I love routine! Actually, I thrive in a routine. When I taught school, one of my favorite things to do was to create our "daily schedule". Granted the benefit of having a self contained classroom was that I could vary the schedule on occasion, because I was only working around myself. However, that didn't happen much. Why? Because, I LOVE a routine.

Now, at the end of this last school year, we were all ready for a little break from the craziness of our schedule. We thoroughly enjoyed the lazy days of June as we did WHAT we wanted WHEN we wanted (as long as it didn't interfere with baseball). Then, in July, the schedule just went haywire as I taught a class for MC. It was a 1 hour aerobics class that met every morning from 8:00 until 8:50. It was a great experience and a little bit more money. I really enjoyed it and will do more of it in the fall. But, I had to get a sub for my cycle classes at the Y (which I love) and EVERY morning of the week at 8:00 with little ones gets difficult. And, then came...VACATION! And, who keeps a schedule on vacation? Not even me.

So, tomorrow, I get to return to the Y. I can hardly wait. I miss my class terribly and my rear end and tummy clearly miss the bike. I'm also hoping to add some of our swim time back to our Y schedule for this last week of summer. Next Tuesday, we get to meet Caleb's teacher. On Thursday, he returns to school. The following Monday, Collin goes back to school.

What am I saying?

Our routine is in sight. Yippee!!!

Don't get me wrong. I love my children, and I'm even a bit misty eyed thinking about our fun summer coming to and end. But, I know good things are coming. I have to give up one phase to fully enjoy the benefits of the next. So, I'm ready to embrace the schedule that is just around the corner.

I can't help but wonder if there is anyone reading this that is a little apprehensive about the schedule that is approaching in your house. Maybe there is a little one in your home making a transition. If that is the case, I encourage you to look forward to it with great anticipation. It was this time last year that I began this blog. One of my first posts was celebrating Caleb's first days of kindergarten. "To everything there is a season..." So, don't let anything hinder you from enjoying THIS SEASON. We'll only get this one chance.

Greetings from the BEACH!!!

2009-07-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

We are having a blast on the beach. The weather has been great so far, even though I was more than a little concerned about it on the way over. We drove through rain most of the trip yesterday. Upon arrival, the skies were clear, so we "suited up" and hit the beach immediately.

Last night, we planned to get a quick bite to eat and purchase some groceries. We ended up getting soaked in the process, but it was fun.

We woke up to sunny skies this morning, so we stayed out and about ALL day. Well, most of us...Claire went down for a nap around 11:30 and finally woke up after three. I guess we wore her out.

Anyway, a couple of family members are totally responsible for us being able to come to the beach. A few others were thoughtful enough to even make sure the kids had ice cream money and souvenir shopping money. So, I thought the least I could do was to post some pictures so that it might FEEL like you are a part of the fun...

If you know Caleb well, then you are as surprised as I was to see him both deep in the ocean water AND deep in the sand. He hit the beach with a little more adventure than normal. AND, shortly after, he was nursing a jelly fish sting. Bummer! But, he went right back out after lunch. Thank goodness.

Collin, as usual, had BIG FUN in his own little world. I caught many eyes looking his way and grinning at what they saw.

Claire clung to ANYONE who would take her OUT into the ocean. She got more brave with the water as the day went on. But, she still wasn't comfortable walking out on her own. So, Mama and Daddy (mostly Daddy) have tired arms.

We are ready for more beach fun tomorrow.

Happy Birthday, Claire...LATE!

2009-07-22T11:18:00.001-07:00

Are you beginning to recognize a pattern? Tardiness is my new trend.

This past Sunday, we celebrated Claire's second birthday. TWO YEARS OLD! I know the phrase, "where did the time go" is very much over used. But, I can't think of any other phrase to express how I feel about our baby girl being 2 years old.

I found out that I was pregnant with Claire during Thanksgiving break of 2006. Caleb was almost four and Collin was a year and a half. My stomach tightens even as I type the words. This just happens to be around the time that Collin "came alive". He was a handful; and, actually, that is putting it mildly. So, I was more than overwhelmed (and more tired than I ever remember being) at the thought of adding another one to the mix.

Multiplying the insecurities, I was terrified to tell Scotty that we were having another baby. I can honestly say that I had no idea how he would react. So much so that I waited almost 2 whole weeks before I shared the news with him. He responded in genuine joy at the thought that God saw fit to bless us with another child. And, if you can imagine that it is possible, he also responded in very real depression. Sounds harsh, I know. But, we are only human.

We were more than ecstatic when the sonogram showed that we were having a girl. That truly calmed some of my nerves, because I was pretty certain that a two year old girl could not create the madness that two year old boys thrive in. (By the way, I'm paying for those thoughts now.) And, from the moment she arrived, we knew that our lives would be missing something BIG had she not been a part of them.

Today, she brings such joy to our home. She is definitely a "Ms. Priss" and I am positive the boys enjoy having that personality around as much as I do. I feel certain that if she had been the first, she would be much more dainty and sensitive than she is. But, her brothers (and her daddy) have made her tough with just enough sensitivity around the edges. If I began to list all of the differences between "our girl" and "our boys", I could type all day. But, one thing remains the same...LIFE SURE IS PRECIOUS...

young or old.

boy or girl.

planned or unplanned.

And, knowing that there are so many that would give anything for even one child to call their own, Scotty and I remain forever amazed that God chose to grant us three.

You bring such happiness, sweet girl! SO, Happy Birthday to You!!!

One Year

2009-07-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

My sister sent me an email devotion the other day that was really good. I won't quote from the whole thing, but the last line has stuck with me.

"When you are gone, no one will remember all that you did. They will not remember all that you said. But, they will remember how you made them feel."

Profound. Tomorrow marks one year that this world has been without Jon Jason Weathers. No doubt about it, there are only positive words to describe how Jason made you feel. For the day, I am going to try to focus on how much better we are having enjoyed his presence even for a little while.

And, then, I will commit to pray and love Stephanie, Anna Lea, Jon Brent and Ally through another year without him. I would LOVE for you to join me in that cause.

PEACE

2009-07-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

I knew it was coming. As soon as I rolled the calendar over to July, my stomach tightened at the thought of what was now just around the corner. Anniversaries are usually such a happy time. Except when the anniversary marks the death of someone close to you...a friend, a father, a husband, a son. July 12th is that kind of anniversary. That is the day that Jason Weathers went to heaven leaving my friend, Stephanie, and their three precious children.

I love it when God speaks to me in a VERY real way, yet very unexpected way. I went to KinderTOT camp with Collin today (at his request). While I watched, I did a little bit of my Bible study which is Beth Moore's study of the fruit of the Spirit. The week's lesson is on peace. Could that be any more perfect for this week? Peace. When life is good. Peace. When life is hard. Peace. When life is downright unbearable.

In the very first day's study, I was led through Job. What a perfect example of a life at peace even in the most difficult of circumstances. Beth Moore even stated that surely God gave us Job so that, no matter what we are going through, we can look at Job and say, "He had it so much worse than me, and he made it."

I was moving through the study as I always do. Reading passages, filling in blanks, etc. when I stumbled across a few verses that I honestly do not ever remember reading.

In the second or third chapter, Job is covered in sores, he's lost all of his possessions and his children. I read across everyone's most familiar portion of Job. His wife tells him to "curse God and die". Then, I read through few verses about Job's friends. They hear of his situation and come to visit him. The scriptures say that they could barely recognize him from a distance. But, as they got closer, they tore their clothes and wept for him because his grief was so great.

This is how I feel most days. I just want to sit down and cry for my friend, because her grief is so great. And not only that, the grief that she carries for her children is so great. I am not alone, either. Stephanie is surrounded by friends that are equally as affected as I have been by her situation. Job's friends, I read, sat with Job. They didn't really say anything to him. What can you say when you sit with someone who is experiencing unspeakable pain? BUT, they sat with him. Their presence said to Job, "We are with you...You will not face this alone."

I'm so thankful for friendships. For my own, but also for the many that God has given to Stephanie. Such friendships prove that God gives us exactly what we need/who we need to weather any storm handed to us. In my life, God has given me the testimony of Jason's life and death. As I face my own difficult times, I will be able to look at Stephanie's situation and know that what she has lived through has been so hard, but she survived it. I am so proud of her. She is not only surviving, but she is thriving. Her worst fears have come true, yet she is living in PEACE.

"His grace is sufficient for me for His power is made perfect in weakness."

State Champions

2009-07-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, we have spent our summer playing and watching baseball. Lots of baseball!

Caleb made the 6 year old all star team and practice began 2 days after the regular season ended. I was so happy that he made the team because he LOVES it. I know that some would absolutely hate for their summer to be dictated by baseball, BUT I know that he would not completely enjoy a summer without it.

At first glimpse, I was a little concerned about our little team. O.K., if I'm honest, I was A LOT worried about this team. They could hit for sure, but defensively, no one was really sure what to do with the ball....IF they even got the ball.

Clearly, I didn't give our coaches enough credit. The past two weekends, something clicked for our boys. Everyone seemed to figure out what to do in their new positions. Caleb played pitcher for his regular season team, but he was short stop for this team. He had a lot of new things to learn as well as becoming "o.k." with throwing his whole body in front of baseballs moving QUICKLY. And, once he figured it out, he started to really enjoy it.

This past weekend, we made the trip to Hernando for the Dizzy Dean State championship and WE WON!!!!! They played some really good teams, but they played so well. In fact, the last three games were called in the fourth or fifth inning because we were so far ahead.

They worked hard, played well and we even had some fun together. Collin joined us for this trip while Claire went to MeMe Janet's. He did so well that we are pretty sure he thinks he is 6 just like the big boys. I didn't lose him any, he whined very little and functioned perfectly in the heat with no naps. He joined Caleb's team at the end for high fives and the huddle.

Here are a few pictures from our weekend together...

If I can brag momentarily, Caleb "smoked" the ball to the back fence EVERY time he hit it this weekend. I was nervous for him while he played short stop, but I never worried when he got up to bat. And, if you ask him, he will not hesitate in telling you how many home runs he hit. We are still working on the modesty thing. ALL OF US!!

To Our Favorite Dad

2009-06-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

Well, as hard as I tried to get it done on time, my Father's Day post to Scotty is LATE. Our weekend was more than hectic...it was chaotic. We had a baseball tournament for Caleb, a wedding for my cousin, and a couple of birthday parties in the mix as well.

Saturday morning, Claire and I had to be at a brunch, Scotty and the boys had to buy a birthday present and get to a birthday party (for like 45 minutes) and then get to the field for a series of ballgames. My sister, Claire and I were about 20 minutes late for our brunch, and I told Sassy that I have learned to embrace the fact that most of what I do is late these days.

It is during crazy weekends like this one that I am most thankful for Scotty. At 10:00 Friday night, after several games and a Rehearsal dinner, I gave him his agenda for Saturday morning. You know...get up, get the boys ready, buy a birthday present, get Collin to the birthday party and Caleb to his game (which he had to coach as well), Scotty gave no, well minimal, argument.

I have the privilege of staying home with our wonderful children, and many dads would consider that reason enough for me to "take care" of the household stuff. Not Scotty! He works during the day, and at 5:00, pulls in the driveway ready to begin his second shift. He doesn't even think of relaxing until all three children are sound asleep.

They LOVE to play with him. And, I LOVE to watch them play (except when the play takes place 5 minutes before bedtime...that happens often!)

So, from all of us, Scotty..."Happy Daddy's Day!" We love you THIIIIISSSS Much!

Aah Relaxation...Sort Of

2009-06-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

As I stated in an earlier blog, Scotty gave me a nice gift certificate to Aqua the Day Spa for Mother's Day this year. The gift was doubly nice considering Heather got the same thing. And, while a day at the spa alone is wonderful, a day at the spa with a great friend is just about perfect.

I began my day with an early run before Bible study. A group of women in our church is doing a Bible study on Tuesday mornings this summer. Today was our first meeting, and I was beyond excited about it. There are few things that I enjoy more than women's Bible study.

Claire left the church with a friend, and I took the boys to another friend. Leaving Clinton, I breathed a sigh of relief and was off for some relaxation.

Heather (who is clearly NOT as spriritual as I am :) met me at Chili's because she spent the morning shopping out North. (Just in case anyone is wondering...I'm totally kidding about the spiritual part.) Our time together was full of good food and lots of talking. We generally talk 90 to nothing when we are together without kids. We spend a good bit of time together, but very little of it is without kids. So, we have LOTS to say when we get the chance.

Halfway through lunch, I get a call from my friend who has the boys. Before she says a word, I can hear Caleb SCREAMING. She took them swimming. Caleb was running down the diving board and slipped off. I'll spare all of the tiny details. Basically, he scraped up his foot as he slipped off, but his chest down to his tummy took the brunt of the fall. He's pretty scratched up. There was some bleeding going on which was the cause for all of the screaming. Caleb REALLY hates blood. A paper cut that produces the tiniest bit of blood will having him screaming as if he's lost a limb.

I received two more calls. The first was to say that he was going to be o.k. even though he had not stopped fussing yet. About ten minutes later, I got the call that he was up running and playing tennis in the pool again.

En route from Chili's to the Spa, I had a minor melt down. Caleb has had a rough couple of days with a few other accidents and a bad night at baseball practice. When I received the final call that he was going to be fine, emotion flooded over me. I'm not sure why that brief episode had me so flustered, but it did. And, the thought that kept rushing over me was that sometimes the emotional heaviness that comes with being a Mom is too much...much too much.

I guess only a Mom would worry about how her six year old is coping with consecutive catastrophes causing physical harm to his body, or if one bad night at baseball practice would damage his sense of confidence for life. I'm sure I'm not in the minority of Moms that would let my mind drift, even for a second, to what could have happened in the diving board incident. Deep breath in, deep breath out...Sometimes, it's all just too much!

And, at the same time, it's absolutely wonderful! I can't think of anything I would rather have consume my thoughts and emotions for the most part of every day than the 3 little people taking up residence there now. They are a blessing.

And, while my day at the spa might not have been the day of relaxation that I had originally planned, my toes are still BEAUTIFUL!

Thanks, Scotty, for three beautiful children AND my day of pampering.

It's SUMMERTIME!!!

2009-05-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

We are one week into summer and having a blast.

The regular baseball season is coming to an end, and it just doesn't seem right that it ends as summer begins. I equate baseball with summer.

And, if you've been around me lately, you know that we have been ANXIOUSLY waiting for the pool to open. I thought it would open on Saturday and made the huge mistake of telling Collin. Well, it didn't open Saturday. It opened Memorial Day.

Collin took it very well, but he did insist on putting his swimsuit on right after church on Sunday. He announced that he would keep it on until the pool opened. So, he played in it on Sunday, slept in it Sunday night and wore it right up until 10:00 when we left for the pool. They were all beyond excited.

Here are some pictures of us in our "summer home". This is where we have spent the summer for the past 5 years. It's so funny to watch some of the people at the Y watch us. Many of them were there when I had only Caleb. Then, we added baby Collin. They actually watched me "grow" with Claire (the only pregnancy in which I needed a maternity bathing suit). Now, I'm sure they are wondering when the next one is coming. :) We love this place.

So, welcome Summer. We've been waiting on you for so long!

The Cheering Tunnel

2009-05-14T15:05:00.001-07:00

It seems to be feast or famine with me and this blog. No posts for weeks; and, now, back to back blogging.

I just had to write about Collin's last day of preschool. They went today until 11:30 even though parties and everything were yesterday.

Again, Collin saw fit to dress for the occasion...kind of. He went to school in full soccer gear -- jersey, shorts, socks and shin guards. Yesterday, he decided that he needed to be a soccer player on his last day of school, but I wish I could figure out how he comes to these conclusions. I mean how does he determine if it is a Batman day or Darth Vader day, Indian day or Cowboy day, soccer player or...? Well, you get my point.

His teachers love him and I fully enjoy watching their expressions as they open the car door each morning to see what he will look like.

But, my purpose in writing is that I had a VERY emotional moment when I picked him up. I was a few cars back and noticed that one of the teachers what doing sort of a cheer as each child came down the ramp to his/her car. But, as I got closer I realized that all 6 teachers had formed sort of a cheering tunnel like you see parents make at the end of soccer games. As the child was called to come to the car, he ran through the tunnel of cheering teachers -- all smiles of course.

I was not expecting that AT ALL, and I couldn't get a grip. It hit me that it really doesn't seem that long ago that Caleb ended his first year of preschool and now he's...practically grown! But, their actions also spoke a profound message to me.

We don't celebrate accomplishments enough!!!

While I realized that this was the end of Collin's first year of preschool, I was moving in auto pilot. We were going to high five, get his favorite lunch and talk about our summer together. But, his teachers made me stop in my tracks and realize that a celebration was truly in order.

It would be nice if life gave us a cheering tunnel for all of our accomplishments -- big or small. We start out that way as babies. We got applause for sitting, standing, walking, talking, etc. Then, somewhere along the way, we begin to expect accomplishment from ourselves and those around us. So, we take them for granted and move on.

Not so at First Baptist today. Those children were treated like super stars. And, that's exactly what they are.

Now, I just wonder if Collin was given a "heads up". Maybe THAT is why he chose to be a soccer player today. He was certainly the only one appropriately dressed to run through a cheering tunnel.

Writer's Block

2009-05-13T14:18:00.000-07:00

Wow. I can't seem to get motivated to update this blog. Maybe it is because there is just SO MUCH I could write about. I've gotten so far behind that I don't know where to start.

Since my last post...

-Collin has finished his first year of preschool. He LOVED his school, his teachers, and his friends. And, he is very ready for summer. Today was the day for their end of the year party. Collin was up and dressed at 6:10 in his "party clothes" which were brown shorts, socks & tennis shoes AND his Indian Pow Wow shirt (the shirt made by his teacher for their pow wow at Thanksgiving). The funny thing is that no one at his school was shocked. They are all very familiar with Collin coming to school in odd outfits. Most recently...white ninja, cowboy, Indian, and Batman -- just to name a few.

-Claire has an ear infection AGAIN! I'm pretty sure the last one never cleared up, and that is frustrating to me. As we enter into the long awaited summer swim time, I do not want to be faced with ear issues. She is saying lots of new words and has gotten really good at throwing herself out in the floor when things don't go her way. Since she is the third child, that is often.

-Caleb is one week shy of finishing Kindergarten. I CAN'T believe it. The year has flown by, but he has grown up so much during it. His teacher sent me his reading level yesterday. I am proud to say that he is ALMOST reading at the level they like for first graders to be reading by the end of the year. Amazing! He is also playing baseball -- which he LOVES. His little team is undefeated which he announces to everyone. Only when he says it, he says..."We don't ever lose." Humility. That's his best quality. But, coming from the mother who just announced her son's reading level online, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

-I am, well, surviving. As school comes to an end, I have gotten a little overwhelmed thinking about the days when all three will be in school. I feel as though I barely survived one in school and one in preschool. But, it has all been so fun -- at least what I remember. I'm still running some with Scotty. And, I've had some interesting new opportunities in my group fitness world. More to come on that later. I had a WONDERFUL Mother's Day, complete with a gift card to Aqua the Day Spa. :)

-Finally, Scotty is now the Minister to Children at First Baptist Church. It still seems unreal. The process leading to this has been interesting. I won't type it all here. But, last year, we were amazed to find that we actually "fit" at First Baptist Clinton as members. Those of you that know our church struggles know what I am talking about. And, now, this is the very church that God has chosen to be Scotty's first full time ministry position. His ways are not our ways, yet we couldn't be happier with the path He has placed us in.

Thanks to all of you who have let me know you miss my posts. I have missed writing. But, during this time that I took to update, Claire has written all over her hands and legs, Collin has taken off the clothes that I put him in for church and changed...3 times, and Caleb has been so very quiet that I am really scared to go downstairs and see what he has been up to.

Time for a Spa Day!!!

Another Attempt at Demolishing Fear

2009-04-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

Fourteen years ago--when Scotty and I started dating--I had BIG dreams that he would make me a runner. Running comes easily for Scotty, and he was a part of high school and college cross country teams. This dream never came true for several reasons. Scotty is much too fast to run with me, and I never really had the confidence to attempt to keep up.

On Friday, we were both headed out for a run. I was going to run my little 3 mile trek. Scotty was planning to run 5. On the way down the driveway, he invited me to go the whole 5 miles with him.

Honestly, I was very hesitant. I like to stay close to home...just in case I feel as though I can't/don't want to finish my run. Scotty's five miles takes him 2.5 miles away from our house only to turn around and run the same mileage back. It seemed a little risky for my first attempt. But, he brought up the fact that he does come to my spinning class. So, truly, this was only fair.

Well, I made it!!! Scotty ran much slower than he would have, and he circled back a couple of times when I REALLY lagged behind. I can't say that it wasn't painful. But, it wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected. I think I might even try it again one day. Maybe!?!

I am so bad about making things SEEM much worse than they really are. When I do that, sometimes the fear of the unknown can almost paralyze me. I've written before about me fear to get certified in group exercise. I really didn't think I would ever be able to do it. However, since getting that certification, I have achieved many exercise goals that seemed impossible only a year ago.

So, I'm still not a "runner", but I'm not afraid of running anymore. I'd love to say that I will not let fear take over in life's circumstances again. That's probably not going to happen. But, this run will definitely serve to remind me that "all things are possible", and fear should never dictate my decisions.

Pardon Me While I Ramble

2009-04-22T17:00:00.001-07:00

This post is simply to let anyone interested in the "goings-on" of the Rogers' household know that we are indeed still alive. I just realized that it has been over a week since I last posted.

I can't think of ANYTHING interesting that I could share with you; however, that doesn't mean that we have been without activity. In fact, I think it means that we have been moving at such a rapid pace that I can't even keep up with all that we are doing.

It seems as though everyone is beyond busy these days. I think it is just that season. School is coming to an end and sports have begun. All of the organizations are trying to get all of their meetings in before the year ends.

We are so very ready for the summer. I have missed two fabulous photo opportunities over the past couple of days. These pictures would have made perfect pictures for a post about getting ready for summer. So, use your imaginations, please.

The first "picture" is of Collin. He CAN NOT wait for the pool to open for the summer. He talks about it all of the time. Earlier in the week, he drug out the basket with all of the swimsuits, put one on and ran some bath water. He had some pretend play time in the bathtub, and he certainly sounded like he was in a giant swimming pool. Wouldn't that picture have been too cute?

This morning, Claire found a pair of goggles. She insisted that I put them on and she walked around the house in them FOREVER. It was hilarious. She kept running into things, because they weren't positioned just right. But, she did have the fat lip due to the goggles pressing against her mouth. At one point, she wanted them pushed up on her head like sunglasses. As I stated, she was in them FOREVER; but, I was in house cleaning mode. So, it didn't cross my mind that a picture might be a good idea until she had thrown the goggles down.

I've rambled long enough. Maybe one day this week, I can remember to take the camera to the ball field and get some real pictures of Caleb playing baseball. He loves it so much. And, after a pretty pitiful year last year, they haven't lost a game yet. For my competitive, first child (and his Mom)...this is a whole lot more fun.

IMPOSSIBLE!

2009-04-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

I had to wake Claire from a mid-morning nap to get Collin from preschool today.

This is what I found...

It reminded me of a similar picture. But, it's very hard for me to believe that almost 2 years ago, this picture was taken.

Wow. Time flies!

A Beautiful Trait

2009-04-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I attended an Easter egg hunt at Collin's school. Along with other Moms, I got there early to hide the eggs at a local park. Then, the kids walked over, hunted their eggs, played a little and ate snack.

They had so much fun, and I really enjoyed watching them. I realized as I was watching how much I LOVE school. I don't know if I just have more than my share of happy, school memories, or if it just comes with my calling as a teacher. Whatever the case, I love school and both boys are blessed with a great one this year.

The kids were playing and the parents and teachers were standing around watching and visiting. One of Collin's teachers (who is also a friend of mine) came over to brag on Collin a little bit. And, I admit, I do love to listen to someone brag on one of my children.

She went on and on about what a "cool" kid he is. She has no idea that she chose one of the few adjectives that he would use to describe himself. He loves that word.

But, then she began to talk about how sweet he is. I laughed (so relieved, really) and she said, "He is the friend to the friendless." Apparently, that is a phrase she uses often to describe him, because he demonstrates kindness to those children without a friend on occasion.

Now, I did not plan to post about this conversation as we were having it, but I haven't been able to get it off of my mind. What a great trait!

So, as I said in his birthday post, I aspire to be a little bit more like Collin...the friend to the friendless.

AND, HAPPY EASTER FROM THE ROGERS!!!

Truth from a Six Year Old

2009-04-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

I spent this past weekend in New Orleans with my mom, my sister and Beth Moore. My birthday was Saturday, and I can't think of a better way to spend it.

We learned so much this weekend. If you've ever heard Beth speak live, then you know that we were also inspired. Her message was powerful, and we came away with many jewels.

She delivered 7 points from the fifth chapter of 1 Thessalonians. I won't post them all. But, the gist of the message was that we might be found "holy" through "wholeness" in Him. We laughed A LOT and cried some, too. Beth just has a gift with words and the delivery of them.

Friday night she spent most of our time talking about the importance of community. Her point? We can't be whole without others. This point was not foreign to me. I love community. I treasure my relationships with others. And, I know that we were made for such relationships. We were made in His image, and HE is a relational God.

Saturday, Beth talked about so many different things. But, at one point, she said that many of us need to COME BACK to the "land of the living". We can laugh at that choice of wording. We can nod knowing that it is true. However, when I stop and think about how many people (some who you walk and talk with daily) have "checked out" of meaningful life due to defeat in some area, I am completely saddened.

We were made for LIFE.

This morning, we were driving to school. It was a typical Monday morning. We slept a little later, because Sundays are long and hard. Then, I chased both boys around barking out orders, and they did not want to get ready for school. At 7:20, I put Claire in the car and sent Caleb to his seat. Honestly, I was feeling pretty proud that we were going to be on time despite the Monday issues.

I walked back inside to gather the last things and point Collin towards the car, and he was at the toilet pulling down his pants. Of course, it was #2.

With all hope of getting to Clinton Park BEFORE the tardy bell gone, we set out. Claire has a wonderful DVD called Ms. Patty Cake and the Praise Parade. (I would be happy to share more about these DVDs, because we love them.) About halfway to school, Ms. Patty Cake was singing a song about Jesus' death. The boys know all of the words and sing with her all the way to school.

But, today, Collin stopped and said, "WHY did He die?"

I was SO not in the mood for theology discussions, but this is the kind of question that you just can't pass up. So, I'm trying to muster up an easy yet true answer. There was no need. Caleb yelled from the back seat,

"SO WE COULD LIVE!!!"

Oh my goodness, I'm crying as I type. I simply nodded. Exactly right!

Are you living? If not, do whatever it takes to "come back to the land of the living". He died so that we could do exactly that.

I know you think it can't get any better, BUT....

We were the last car to unload before the tardy bell! Maybe Mondays aren't so bad after all.

Oh, How Fun!

2009-04-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

Caleb and Collin begged all last week for me to let them play in the mud. It has rained so much, and we have pretty much been surrounded by mud.

If you know me AT ALL, you know exactly how I answered their plea for mud fun. "Absolutely not! Too messy!"

Don't get me wrong, playing in the mud sounded fun to me as well, but I just couldn't get past the cleaning up part.

Well, on Mondays, I leave the house as soon as Scotty gets home at 5:00 to teach a step class. The boys bombarded Scotty in the driveway to ask if they could get in the mud. Here's a look at his answer...

Can you tell which of my children might be just a little bit more like me when it comes to getting dirty? Hint -- it's not the girl. He's the one with VERY LITTLE mud touching ANY skin. Bless his heart, he got most of my quirky habits.

But, they ALL had a BLAST!

And, when I got home at 6:45, all three were in pjs, and the washing machine was going. Fun for all, and I avoided the clean up. You rock, Daddy!!!

Now, I'm ready to say, "goodbye" to the mud and enjoy some sunny, Spring days.

A Weight Watchers Way of Life

2009-03-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

Well, for the past month or so, I have been feeling the effects of some extra pounds. I don't really "do" the scales. Mainly, I judge by my clothes. If they begin to feel sort of tight, I try to cut back.

I exercise enough, so that method generally works out alright. But, I had gotten into REALLY bad eating patterns. Actually, that's putting it mildly...I had lost control.

So, last week, Heather decided that it was getting very close to swimsuit season, and it was time for us to "get serious". Her plan -- we weigh every morning and text our weight to each other.

Since I HATE the scales, I was not happy about this plan. But, without any control of my own, I had no choice but to play along.

Needless to say, I was NONE TOO HAPPY about the results the next morning. So, as I tried to figure out what I was going to do, I remembered the "point system" that Weight Watchers uses. Basically, you get to eat what you want but with boundaries.

I like this plan, because if I want a doughnut, I can have one. I just have to cut back somewhere else during the day. The problem I had been having was that I was eating whatever I wanted, but I wasn't cutting back anywhere. EXCESS!!!

On a different note, we are experiencing the same kind of issues with our finances. Because of our life choices, we have to be careful about when and where we spend money. We are blessed, so we don't have to completely do without "extras". But, in the same Weight Watchers mindset, if we choose to indulge in one area, we have to cut back in other areas.

In other words, if I WANT that item of clothing for myself (who am I kidding, for my children), I can get it. We just need to eat in for a couple of days to make up for it. The problem I was having was that I was spending what I wanted, but I wasn't cutting back anywhere. EXCESS!!!

So, I'm on the point system for my eating, and I'm adapting my financial thinking to this thought process. It's not natural, because our country lives in EXCESS. See, it's not just our house that is experiencing the effects of living beyond our means. We aren't the only ones that live with plenty but constantly feel that we need MORE. It's a national problem; and, unfortunately, a bail out isn't going to fix it.

No one can bail me out, because the problem is my lack of discipline. Weight Watchers figured that out. The point system works for me, because it made ME responsible for my weight loss. There was no one telling me exactly what I could and could not eat. I use a little common sense and a lot of self discipline (mixed with a healthy fear of a bathing suit) and it becomes a lifestyle of living in moderation rather than excess.

I'm pretty sure it works in the financial world, too. We're going to try it out here. I'll keep you posted.

Spring Break -- Short Lived!!

2009-03-22T18:40:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted since last Sunday; and, honestly, I haven't had the time. Spring "Break" has actually kept us very busy.

First of all, I am so grateful for the beautiful weather God blessed us with this week. Last weekend, I was a wee bit nervous that I was going to be inside with my 3 C's all week. And, it is never "well with my soul" when we have to spend large amounts of time cooped up together inside.

Monday was still a little cold and damp outside. But, that was the day that we headed South to McComb. Laney opened the gym that she teaches in. The kids jumped and played for several hours with friends that we don't see enough. Then, Laney took us out to see her new house that is being built. Let me just say, you know you're a redneck when...four adults and eight kids climb into the cab of a truck to drive out for a new house viewing. We rode right through a muddy field full of cows, and it was, by far, the highlight of the kid's week. The bonus -- the house is gorgeous.

The remainder of the week was spent at Pump it Up, Brighton Park, the Jackson Zoo, Traceway Park and a birthday party to top it all off. We spent time with great friends including the Williams who left us for Texas back in the fall. Scotty even took the day off on Friday to spend the WHOLE day with us, and that was a treat for everyone. It really was a fabulous week.

It seems that I should be tired after our "break", because we did not rest...at all, really. But, I do feel rested. I believe that watching my children have such a great time and visiting with wonderful friends has been refreshing to my soul.

So, 7 days ago, I just knew that I would be so eager tonight to get back into the routine tomorrow. I'm not. I'd love another week to move at our own pace and just enjoy one another.

But, there is a time for everything. And, tomorrow, it is time to get back to the schedule. The beautiful weather reminds me of something else, though. Summer is on its way.

We can't wait!!!

A Childhood Memory

2009-03-15T15:36:00.000-07:00

It's SPRING BREAK!!! And, the beauty of Sunday night with no school tomorrow seriously overshadows the dreary, ugliness outside.

I have been in the kitchen preparing hamburger patties, because our fun friends, the Bryants, are coming over for dinner. Outside the kitchen window, I have a perfect view of Scotty and all three kids. They have been swinging (mainly squealing, because Daddy swings much higher than Mama) and jumping on the trampoline.

As I watch, I am having flashbacks to holidays when I was in school. Whether it was Christmas vacation, Spring Break or the summer, my favorite part was always Sunday night. There was such a great feeling about coming home from church and knowing we didn't have to rush to the bed. We could play games, stay with a friend, or (my personal favorite) watch the Sunday night movie. What ever happened to those Sunday night movies?

Anyway, we don't have much planned for this Spring Break week, but I'm looking at lots of "unplanned fun". So, I suppose our week holds promise of great times.

Enjoy your time away from long days and crazy schedules.

I Need My Hour BACK!!!

2009-03-10T17:19:00.000-07:00

Honestly, one little hour should not make a huge difference. But, I have been tired since Sunday. I also keep having to explain to Caleb why we have to get ready for school while it is dark outside. Although, I'm not quite sure why he is concerned. He has never seen the point in waiting on the sun to get out of bed.

I might be tired for more reasons than the time change, though. I traveled to Memphis this weekend for a weekend with SLAM. I am truly sorry if it is annoying to anyone that we continue to refer to ourselves in this Jr. High manner. But, it's just easier. And, let's just be honest, when we get together we act like we are still in Jr. High.

Here is proof.

This is what we did while Laney was looking for children's bedding in Target. Only those who "get" Jr. High humor would pretend to sleep in the patio furniture on display in Target.

I love my time with my friends. We have been friends since 8th grade. At that time, we began the tradition of a Christmas party which we have carried on to this day. However, once children came into the picture, our "Christmas" didn't necessarily land ON Christmas. One year, I believe we celebrated mid-February. But, we have been adamant about having our time together. Sadly, though, most years, our Christmas gathering was the only time we all got together.

Since Jason's death, we have gotten together 3 times. Amazing! While I am so very thankful for our visits, I just wonder why it takes a tragedy to realize the importance of friendships.

I just want to share briefly a little bit about our last visit to Memphis. It was years ago. Macy was single then. She and a friend wanted to show us all that Memphis had to offer, so they took us down town to a Loyko (I forgot how to spell it) performance. If memory serves me correctly, Macy's sweet friend was VERY excited about the cultural experience that we were going to enjoy.

We had no clue what to expect other than music of some type. Oh my goodness, we needed more warning. The group surged the stage wearing the tightest pants I have ever seen on men. They also had very long, very frizzy dark hair. And, can I just tell you, they were EXCITED about their music. The four of us did what we were sure everyone else in the theater would do -- LAUGHED UNCONTROLLABLY.

However, no one else was laughing. They were quite mesmerized by the performance. Our attempt to stop laughing only made it worse and our inside laughter shook the entire row of seats. And, when Macy took out paper and pen to start writing notes, I knew I was done. We are still unsure why we didn't just leave. Even after intermission, we paraded back into our seats (I'm sure those around us were thrilled) for more. The insane group of people that we were a part of even asked for an encore. It was the longest show of my life -- but it has provided laughter for us for many years.

This year, Macy redeemed herself with tickets to the Orpheum, and the show was fabulous -- SERIOUSLY!

Wearing our feather boas, we received many stares as we walked throughout downtown and into the theater. But, we are accustomed to being stared at. Most of the time, people stare at us because we are acting ridiculous. But, I also know that many watch us because our friendship is an oddity.

I have come to realize that so many people just don't have close friends. And, those that do, usually haven't had them for over 15 years. So, for whatever reason God chose to include me in this very special friendship, I am eternally grateful. Sadly, sometimes, the manifestation of that gratefulness is obnoxious behavior (or lengthy posts).

But, oh well, it's a small price to pay. Can't wait till the next visit, girls. Laney, you and McComb have big shoes to fill.

Four Wonderful Years with Collin

2009-03-03T13:34:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to get to the computer for days to write this post. We celebrated Collin's fourth birthday on Sunday. We did it Indiana Jones style.

On February 28th 2005, at approximately 8:15 p.m., my water broke while I was playing Bunko. I was rushed home by a group of friends and then rushed to the hospital with Scotty. Collin arrived at 12:01 a.m. on March 1st.

I clearly had some emotional issues with Caleb and did not have that glorious "I love this child" feeling immediately. But,my memories of Collin's birth are laced with that feeling. I could barely fall asleep that late night because I felt so happy.

Another difference was his personality. Now, obviously, no major personalities were evident during those first few moments. But, Collin was just peaceful and content during our time at the hospital and that continued throughout his first year. He was such a happy baby. He slept through the night between two and three months and rarely fussed. Now, you know I LOVE my Caleb. But, this baby's easiness was a welcomed surprise.

Anyone who knows Collin is grinning right about now, because you know that he has also brought a number of surprises that were not so welcomed. At one year, Collin turned into wild child -- still a very happy child -- but not easy anymore. My sister used to say that "he tricked us" and just made us think that he was easy going. Once he turned 18 months old, he required more than one pair of eyes watching him at all times. On THREE different occasions, he escaped from the play room of various fast food establishments, and I found him heading to the parking lot. One time, I'm humiliated to say, I retrieved him FROM the parking lot.

However you look at it, though, Collin Rogers is such a gift. His smile can turn every bad emotion into a happy one. One can only feel loved when Collin hugs you... with both arms and legs. He loves life, and I wish I could be a little bit more like Collin most days.

I will be forever grateful that God chose me to be Collin's mother.

My Sister, the Celebrity

2009-02-21T18:10:00.001-08:00

My sister and I are so very different. She is EXTREMELY dramatic and I am, well, NOT. At all!

When we were younger -- probably during teenage years -- I remember telling people that she was going to end up heading out to California and making it big in the movie business. And, she could have. The girl can tell a story.

After she and Jeremy were married, they did move out to California. Jeremy joined the Army and was in language school in Monterrey. I was convinced that the "right person" was going to spot her, and she'd have her big break.

Well, it didn't happen. But, she's found a way to become a celebrity.

Jeremy emailed a week or so ago to tell us that Alyson had been chosen as "the face" for Barnes hospital (she is one of their nurses). We logged onto the site of a St. Louis television station to see her beautiful face on an advertisement for the hospital.

Tonight, Jeremy emailed again to let us know that Alyson and her face have "gone national".

If you ask me, they couldn't have chosen a better face.

I Do Encourage Sharing

2009-02-16T08:36:00.000-08:00

There is not much to update from the Rogers' house. Caleb stopped running fever on Thursday but, of course, stayed home on Friday.

Everyone was well on Saturday.

Sunday morning, Collin woke up with fever and began feeling pretty poorly that afternoon. FLU!

Claire woke up this morning with fever. She hasn't begun to really feel yucky yet, but I am willing to bet... FLU!

My children share so well. I couldn't be more proud!

The bad news is that I am probably a sure bet to get it, because I just can't stop holding and cuddling my sick children. They NEVER let me do it otherwise.

The good news is -- MeMe Janet comes tomorrow. Fabulous! Scotty is going out of town, so she had already planned to spend some time with us. It couldn't have come at a better time.

Let's just pray the adult version of those !@*beep!@* flu shots work.

A Perfect Day

2009-02-11T17:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I never would have believed that it could happen. But, today was FABULOUS.

You heard me correctly. The same person that spent an entire, lengthy post whining just yesterday is bragging about our perfect day today.

Caleb did wake up at 5:00 this morning with major fever. His head was pounding and his entire body was burning up. Motrin worked beautifully and quickly. But, the best news is that Collin and Claire are still flu-free.

Collin pitched a mild fit around 8:00 when he realized Caleb was missing school and I intended to take him to school. So, I responded completely uncharacteristically and I said, "O.K., we'll all stay home."

There was absolutely no reason for Collin to go to school for only 3 hours, but I was still a little nervous that I had made a very bad decision. However, Caleb and Collin thoroughly enjoyed each other today. They played some Wii (shocker), watched a movie, set up the train track and played trains and dressed up for hours. They were so much fun to watch.

On top of that, Claire slept from 10:15 until 2:30.

When Scotty came home for supper, I warned him that, "they might be running out of good", but the goodness continued on through the evening.

Now, tomorrow might be the worst day in the history of bad days, but I'm ready for it. We were blessed with such happy children today, so this memory will keep me going for a while.

WARNING! This Blog Contains Much Complaining...

2009-02-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not even sure where to start. Just as I was beginning to offer up much thanks that we have missed out on some of the various illnesses moving through our community, the Rogers household has received our share of sickness.

As many of you know, Scotty drives a school bus in the morning so that we can be covered by the State Insurance Plan. In the four years that he has done this, the coverage has been well worth the extra work that he does. Even with the high deductible, we have saved A LOT of money because we have this policy.

It looks like we might meet our 2009 deductible during the month of February which is a record even for us.

Let me just give you the short list...

- Last Monday, Collin and Claire visited their doctor for a croopy cough and yucky snot (sorry to be so gross, but I'm tired and can't come up with a more creative word for snot). So, that's two office visits and 4 prescriptions. $$

- On Wednesday, I went to see my doctor. My pap smear (sorry, guys!) back in July showed abnormal cells, so they needed to do it again. I was happy to do this, because I had so many questions about my headaches, tiredness, etc. Yes, we'd have to pay more money, but maybe I'd get some answers. Well, make that another office visit, two prescriptions and no real answers. $$$

- Friday morning, Scotty's back began to hurt him so badly that he agreed to go visit my chiropractor. He has posted some information on what is going on with him. But, for the purposes of my blog, that is another office visit. AND, Dr. Taylor will need to see him twice a week for the next four weeks and once a week after that. $$$$

STAY WITH ME, THERE'S EVEN MORE!

- Last night, Caleb ran a high fever. He has been coughing but had not complained of feeling poorly. This morning, he woke up with fever again, and his chest hurt. It's...the FLU. Why not?! You guessed it, another office visit and 5 prescriptions. Dr. Purvis went ahead and wrote prescriptions for Collin and Claire in case they come down with flu like symptoms. Did you notice that I said "if" they come down with flu like symptoms? Who am I kidding..."WHEN" they come down with the symptoms. $$$$$

- And, finally, Claire will see a neurologist on Friday morning. We have known about this visit for a while. Due to the fact that she had two febrile seizures within 6 months, they just want us to go ahead and see a neurologist to rule out anything more serious. Our deductible is a wopping $2300, but I'll bet a neurologist fee and a few scans will get us there no problem. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

You won't even believe it, but just now, as I'm typing this whiny post, my doctor's office called to tell me that my second pap smear came back with the same abnormal cells. OF COURSE IT DID!!! So, they will need to do a biopsy.

Wow. Or, as Collin says, "Golleash!" If the bank account ever recovers, I'm not sure that I will. Now, to some degree, you know that I am kidding. There are many people who would love to trade their woes for mine. But, if it's all the same to you, right now I'm just going to whine.

Because I can't think of any great words of wisdom to end with, and I hate that I have complained through one whole post, please go read some good news at this site. I pray that this is the first of LOTS of good news for this precious family. "He GIVES and takes away."

BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!

Reality Crashes In

2009-02-03T09:23:00.000-08:00

It's gorgeous outside (well, cold, but still pretty). On days like today, I usually feel like being productive. When it's beautiful outside, I typically want to make it beautiful inside and begin to clean. I have Bunko at my house on Thursday night, so I NEED to clean today, but my body says, "no".

On Saturday, I came home from teaching my class at the healthplex and got a MAJOR migraine. I was in the bed most of the day. While the migraine is gone, a mild headache is lingering.

Yesterday, I took Collin and Claire to the doctor. Two hours and four prescriptions later, I found out that they each have a major case of the "crud". Claire has a bit of an infection with hers. Lovely!

This morning, I felt very ill while teaching my cycle class. Whether it was emotional illness or physical illness, I'm still unsure. But, I wanted to climb off the bike and jump back in bed nonetheless.

So, I'm wondering, when "Mama said there'd be days like this..." is this what she meant?

Then, I noticed that the terminology being used to describe the way I am feeling and the possible causes of my discomfort was undesirable to say the least. People are throwing around words like, "hormone changes" and using phrases like, "altering your exercise as you get older". Older? Me? Really?

So, even though I need to be cleaning my house today, I'm going to take some time to rest first. Why? Because I'm old...apparently. And, for that reality to set in, I'm going to need to prepare myself.

Claire...

2009-01-29T16:13:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful to have a little girl. Not many people have heard me say this before, but I asked God for a girl not long after Collin was born.

He was not quite 2 months old yet. I was sleeping on the floor in his room. (Scotty and I took turns doing this when the other person needed a good night's rest. That's why Claire has a twin bed in her room.)I'm pretty sure Collin had just woken up, taken a bottle and gone back to sleep. As I tried to get back to sleep myself, I began to think that I just couldn't be "done" having children. I knew that I was going to have to do "the baby thing" one more time, and at that moment, I asked God that it be a girl. I loved my boys, but I wanted to experience both.

When I found out that Claire was a girl, I sighed in relief thinking of all the moments I would not be experiencing again. Collin's second year and a half were BUSY to put it nicely. Surely a girl would be calmer, milder and not into EVERYTHING.

Today, I felt like I was chasing 18 month old Collin around the house.

She found a pack of gum, opened every piece and ended up with about 8 of the pieces in her mouth. She actually did a pretty good job of chewing it. I'll probably find bits and pieces of it for weeks.

She drew all over the refrigerator door -- thankfully with a pencil.

She's also drawn on the couch and ottoman -- NOT with a pencil.

She hates the word "no" so much that she will throw herself into a fit on the floor at the sound of it -- okay, that's a little more like Caleb.

And, she scares me to death in the bathtub -- flipping and twisting and jumping like it's a swimming pool.

So, not only does Claire LOOK exactly like the boys wearing a bow, she acts just like them too. They've trained her well.

Appropriate Living

2009-01-27T09:11:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, I was asked to write devotionals for the women's ministry in the church I was attending. I'm still not quite sure how my name got to the director (I did not know her that well) or why she thought of me, but I really enjoyed it. This morning, I began reading through Colossians. A few things jumped out at me, and I thought I would do a little writing again.

I love the book of Colossians and would highly recommend you read through it on your own. I especially love chapter one, because it is here that the Word makes it very clear, to me, that Christ's coming was for ALL and not just a few. Paul uses the word "everyone" and "everything" over and over.

In verses nine and ten, Paul writes out his prayer for the Colossians:

"...that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God."

What a great prayer -- one that I am writing out to pray for myself, my husband, my children and others.

This morning, though, I got caught up in the first part; to walk worthy of the Lord. Is that even possible? Surely, walking worthy of the Lord means perfection. He is perfect. So, if I am to walk in a manner worthy of Him, do I have to be perfect?

It would be very easy to adapt to that line of thinking. I mean, we know we can't be perfect; therefore, God wouldn't ask us to be. But, how many of us naturally begin to list all that we must DO in order to walk worthy of the Lord?

I dusted off my concordance, because I wanted to see the original Greek for "walk" and "worthy". If you've ever used Strong's concordance, you know that there are usually several options/words given in the definition. "Walk" as it is used here means "live" and "worthy" means "appropriately".

I really do want you to read through this chapter on your own, but let me give you a preview. Paul explains in detail all that God, the Father, has done in order that we may "share" in His life. In a statement, He sent Christ! He goes on to say that God was PLEASED to have all fullness dwell in Jesus and through Christ to reconcile everything to Himself by making peace through the cross.

Caleb is learning to tie his shoes. We have to do it in stages, and he is getting pretty good at the first step. So, each morning, I tie his shoes for him. Very appropriately, Caleb jumps up when I am finished and runs off to do whatever is next. It would be extremely inappropriate for Caleb to sit in the floor trying to do for himself what I have already done. He would miss out on so much if that were his response to my actions towards him.

Now, I know that is somewhat of a silly illustration. But, I find myself doing the same thing on many occasions. I look at all that God has done for me, and I want to add to it somehow. However, wouldn't I be "walking worthy of the Lord" or "living appropriately" to get up each day thanking Him for all the HE has done and asking Him to show me how I can participate in His work -- in His life?

The theme of chapter one is that we have been reconciled through Christ. That work is done. So, let's receive it as the gift that it is and live appropriately.

So Frustrating...Keep Reading

2009-01-26T17:40:00.001-08:00

Number 6 Birthday

2009-01-26T09:50:00.000-08:00

Caleb's birthday weekend was a success. We all had a fabulous time as you can tell by the pictures. I have become thoroughly aggravated in attempting to put together this slideshow. It REALLY frustrates me that the slideshow and my post are separate, but I'm tired of playing with it.

Last January, right after Caleb's 5th birthday, his class at preschool spent 6 weeks at Funtime Skateland learning to skate. He announced at some point during that time that he wanted a skating party for his "#6 birthday". I was shocked that he remembered this year when I asked him what he wanted to do.

First of all, I was a little bit hesitant when I heard what it cost to have a party at the skating rink. We usually have home parties, so spending a large amount of money for a party seemed frivilous. But, IT WAS SO WORTH IT. The kids had lots of fun. Several of the parents even skated, and we had fun too.

The birthday cake is always an issue for me. I have never even considered making the cake for any of the kids' parties, because I am too much of a perfectionist. While I am pretty sure I could make a cake that would taste decent, I would know that someone else could have made one that would LOOK much better. I decided to try a local bakery this year instead of making my run to Pearl for That Special Touch. Baker's Bakery did a fabulous job. The cake was very cute and very good. So, if you need a cake, give Beth a call.

On Friday night, Caleb had 4 of his friends over to spend the night. WOW!!! They played the Wii and it actually sounded as if we were at a live sporting event. They wrestled upstairs (with Scotty) and I can not believe no one was injured. About 10 o'clock, I put in a movie and fixed all of the sleeping bags on the floor in the den. They all finished the movie but passed out soon after. For six year olds, I thought they did beautifully.

We also made a trip to the mall with Sassy to "Build a Bear". Then, Caleb got new tennis shoes, baseball cleats and some new clothes. Even though he is a boy, Caleb enjoys getting new clothes as much as I do. Then, MiMi Norma came on Saturday. She added some money to the cash already received and he got his DS. He was FIRED UP!

I'm pretty sure this was his best birthday so far. Since I still enjoy my own birthday, I was so happy to see him have such a great time.

It will be hard to top "#6 birthday".

Has Anyone Seen This Baby?

2009-01-22T09:11:00.000-08:00

I realize that all of our children look alike. So, if you're having trouble figuring out who this is, don't worry. Caleb's birthday is tomorrow, and I have been feeling somewhat nostalgic. I was going through the pictures and remembering bits and pieces of our first 6 years together. Everything baby about him is now gone.

I must confess that every bone in my body wants to be sad. I could really spend some time remembering how quickly these six years have come and gone and how in the blink of an eye, the next 6 and the next 6 will follow suit. Just check out my cruise down memory lane (but don't look too closely. Scotty wasn't here to help me scan pictures, so I took pictures of pictures).

Caleb at 4 months and our first Easter together.

This is Caleb at 2 years old. Collin had just been born.

Caleb is three years old and this is one of my favorite pictures.

Caleb is opening presents at his 4th birthday party.

Caleb's invitation picture for his 5th birthday party

There's only one reason why I just can't let myself be the least bit sad today...Magdalena Grace Roberts. Do you know her? Have you met her sweet parents? Have you read about how her entire family rejoiced in every, single day she had here on Earth?

If not, let me just tell you. Magdalena was born with a disease called Trisomy 18. Her parents (along with many other parents in similar situations) were not guaranteed one minute with her alive. With this diagnosis, many times doctors will advise abortion. But, Noah and Julie accepted the reality of her illness but refused to cut their time with her shorter than God had planned.

Magdalena was born and lived over 150 days (you can find the exact number on their site), and I watched and read as her family embraced every day. There was no apparent mourning over the fact that their time would inevitably be cut short. They did not resist attaching themselves to her out of the fear of having to say "goodbye". And, today, I wonder why it is my natural tendency to mourn time's quick passing.

No, I'm going against my nature. Today, I am going to be defiant (and that's always been difficult for me). Turning my back on what I am naturally bent to do, I'm going to embrace the example given to me by the Roberts/Moore/Prather families. And, I am going to celebrate LIFE.

Caleb's life is truly a gift. He has blessed us tremendously in six years. Therefore, I will look forward to the next six and the next 6 and... Because I know that what God has in store for him is great. And, I'm very grateful that I get to share in it.

Ecclesiastes says, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." There is certainly a time for sadness, but I think a six year birthday is not it. :)

So, Happy Birthday, sweet boy. You make us very proud.

The Finished Product

2009-01-18T19:12:00.001-08:00

After a weekend without children (thanks to MeMe and Pop), the bathroom project is complete.

First of all, thanks to all who "voted" on a cabinet color. Thanks also for the tips and thoughts. I know that the majority chose brown as the best choice for the cabinets. And, believe me, it was my choice too. Until I got into the paint store.

Saturday morning, I took my inspiration towel into Sherwin Williams to match the brown. As I was looking, I just began to worry that painting them a dark color would mess up my lighting AND close in an already tight space. So, I opted on a creamy yellow with brown hardware.

I am pleased with the outcome, and Scotty is too. The yellow turned out to be so close to the yellows that we have in the tile around the tub and potty area that Scotty painted the walls in that small apace the same color.

So, here are the pictures. I do love a finished project...

Cyber-Tag? Seriously?

2009-01-14T10:04:00.000-08:00

I didn't know there was such a thing. But, I learned this morning that there is. My friend, Jenny, has photo "tagged" me. How fun!

Her blog explains it nicely. Once tagged, I am to go to photos on my computer, choose the 6th folder and the 6th picture and post it on my blog. Then, I have to tag 6 people to do the same. Now, if you look at her post, her picture is so nice and glamorous. Not the case for mine!
But, it did make me smile. This picture was taken right after Claire was born. We were so happy to have another baby in the house. But, for that baby to be a girl! Well, we were all just giddy. It's hard to catch Caleb being silly for the camera, but he clearly couldn't contain his happiness. I have really enjoyed remembering such a special time this morning.

So, thanks Jenny for the tag. And, (drumroll please) I tag; Michael of the Ford Retort, Jamie of A Day in the Life..., Stephanie of Leaning on Everlasting Arms, DeeDee of As We Go..., Jill of In this Life and Amy of The Henry Crew. Come on guys. It really was fun. :)

P.S. Can you believe I actually posted a post-baby chunky picture of myself. I'm sure many of you are thinking that I could have lied about my 6th folder/6th picture. But, where is the fun in that? So, you chosen 6 -- no cheating. Sixth folder, sixth picture, tag 6 people. I'll be waiting.

AND, I know I am getting long winded, but I just had to show you the #5 picture in this folder. Maybe some of you are wondering where Collin was while I was posing with Caleb and Claire. Well....
He LOVED being the baby and wasn't quite ready to give it up. When he IS ready, I'll let you know. :)

Decorator's Challenge

2009-01-10T15:44:00.001-08:00

I love our house. When we moved into this house almost three years ago, I especially liked the older parts of our home. It has things that we didn't see in newer homes (some good, some not so good), and it seemed charming. But, there were things that I new we'd have to do. Many of those updates were completed before moving into the house. The others, we knew, would just have to be done along the way.

Well, as with many other things, last minute touches have been pushed to the end of the list. And, none of them are things that I can't live with for now. Our bathroom, however, is starting to really grate on my nerves.

I'd love to do some major renovations like change out flooring, swap out the tub and toilet, and update the cabinetry. But, that is NOT going to happen right now. So, I've decided that painting the cabinets, updating the hardware, and changing the linens will help "buy" some more time and ease my nerves.

This is where you come in. My inspiration is a hand towel that I was given for Christmas. I love the colors in it. The green in the cross is almost exactly the color of the walls. So, I need your help deciding on a color for the cabinets. I have had three thoughts so far; the same green that is on the wall, brown, or a muted yellow. PLEASE, let me know what you think. I know that some of you are master designers, and I'm dying to hear your opinions.

The view into our bathroom from the den. The wall by the light switch and picture frame is the green that I am talking about possibly using.

The cross that is on the hand towel.

And here is our greatest challenge. This is the floor in the bathroom by the tub and toilet. Interesting, I know. I really can't say that I don't like it. It's very unique. But, I don't want to do something that will clash with this busy floor. Do you see my problem?O.K., I can't wait to hear your ideas. I know they are going to be great. And, I can't wait to post pictures of the new and improved bathroom. Hopefully, sooner than later. Thanks for your help.

Tops of 2008

2009-01-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

Wow. 2008 has come and gone. Does anyone else feel like the year just flew by? I know I feel like that every year, but last year seems to have vanished into thin air. As I think back over the year, some major memories flood my brain. Some of them good, some of them not so good, but all of these memories have impacted my life and this family tremendously. And, I don't think any one of them carries more weight than the others, so I am listing them in no particular order.

1. We found a new church home. This time last year, we were visiting churches. We weren't committed to any one. As a matter of fact, our boys never knew where we would end up when we all headed out for church. But, this year, we made FBC Clinton our home and felt so happy about it from the very beginning. Only shortly after, Scotty became the preschool interim. For the first time since we got married, Scotty enjoys his job. I am very thankful for this church -- our church.

2. The boys had some major accomplishments. Collin began the summer by learning to swim. Scotty loves teaching our children to swim. Caleb was very hesitant until last summer. But, Collin was so ready this year. He's not swimming for the Olympics, but he can certainly hold his own. We ended the year with both boys learning to ride their bikes without training wheels. Caleb was first (as he should have been) early in December. After Caleb rode on his own for about a week, Collin decided he wanted to learn. And now, they are both zipping up and down the driveway like they've been doing this for years. Amazing!!!

3. Scotty and I celebrated 11 years of marriage. Talk about time flying. I can't believe it has been that long. We've had ups and we've had downs throughout the whole 11 years. We had both this year; and, more than any other year, I feel that we had to put "us" on the back burner. That stinks! BUT, I also found myself being so thankful that I am married to someone willing to ride out the difficult times while being understanding about the fact that three kids, jobs, stresses, etc. will affect our relationship. And then, he's willing to put in the work it takes to make things right reassuring me that "we" are worth it. Love you, sweet husband! :)

4. I am teaching again. For years, I have wanted to get certified to teach aerobics. Exercising has been my escape -- the thing that I do for me -- since Caleb was born. After a few years of being home, I began to have the desire to teach some classes. But I was too scared!!! I'm not sure what I was scared of, but I was. So, this year, I braved up and just did it. I absolutely love it. I teach cycle, sculpt, and some step. Every time I teach, I am amazed that I can do it. While I don't make that much money, I get paid to exercise and someone keeps my kids for free. Sweet!

5. Caleb started kindergarten. You know, I thought this was going to be so much harder than it was. I think the events of the summer helped me to begin to appreciate life in every phase. I just kept thinking that one day, I would look back and remember Caleb in kindergarten, and I wanted to have great memories. If I had been sad about Caleb starting school, I know that the future me would wish I had just enjoyed that time. So, that's what I tried to do. Now, don't think I didn't cry as I dropped him off. It took me several weeks to stop doing that. He just looked so big walking in that giant school. But, he LOVES school, so that really makes it easier to deal with.
6. We had a fantastic trip to Disney World. Well, who DOESN'T have a fantastic time in Disney? It was especially great for us, because it was our first big trip as a family. And, it was so much fun watching the boys enjoy themselves. We got a card from Disney last week. All of the characters were on the front holding a sign that said, "We miss you." Collin said, "O.K., Mom I'm ready to go back to Disney World." Me too. I wish it were that easy.

**Now, I said I was listing in no particular order. But, these last two, while they aren't so positive, have probably impacted me more than the previous.

7. Claire had two seizures this year. Both of these seizures were febrile seizures and lasted only seconds. But, they have changed me to some degree. I was holding Claire through both seizures. No one should ever have to watch their child's body do what hers was doing. I hope I NEVER have to see it again. I am still working through what this last one had done to me. So, there's probably no way that I can verbalize it just yet. Let's just say that I can't seem to get over it and just relax. But, I do have a greater appreciation for those who live with any type of sickness or those mothers whose children live with sickness.

This is Claire at Christmas as she was starting to feel better.

8. Finally, the life and death of Jason Weathers will forever be a part of me. I've written about it, and many of you keep up with Stephanie's blog as well. But, more than anything else that has happened this year, his sickness has impacted me. Just about every morning since January 7th, I wake up thinking about the Weathers. Since his death, I have been torn between grieving for Stephanie and this life that she now owns and thanking God for the miracles that I have observed along the way. She and the kids are so taken care of right now. There are so many that love them. God is good and if you doubt that in any way, go to her site and read from the beginning. But, the situation is still a reminder that life is short and life is hard. And, for both reasons, we lean on the One that gives us life. The One that made a way that we could have life and enjoy life.

Our focus is so important, because what we focus on is always larger than everything else. So, in this situation, I am choosing to focus on God's provision, God's sovreignty and God's eternal love for us. Jason was also healed in 2008. So, I focus on that as well. And, then I pray for healing for Stephanie, Anna Lea, Jon Brent and Ally.

Well, that's it. What a year!! I'm ready to move on. How about you?

In making the list, I have been overwhelmed by how many people were involved in each of these memories; children, friends, teachers, doctors, nurses, strangers, church members, spouses, etc. Every single person involved helped to make this my list of memories. Let's just remember that we were called to relationship. We never know whose life we might impact. There's no way we can make positive prints on other lives when we aren't enjoying the very life that we are given. I'm making several resolutions this year, but I'm going to make that my first...to enjoy this life and all that is in it. It's short and it's hard, but it's mine, and My Creator designed me to enjoy it abundantly. Hey, yours did too. :)

Merry Christmas 2008

2008-12-28T17:06:00.000-08:00

My holiday season was most influenced by Steph's words in her post on Christmas Eve. I have thought about the message of this hospital employee over and over. Please read it. We never know when God is using our simple words to affect the lives of others.

We had a great Christmas as I am sure most of you did. Here are a few pictures. Just in case you start trying to count all of the costumes, there were 8 I believe. Collin won't be wearing normal clothes for a while.

Oh, the DRAMA!!!

2008-12-19T12:26:00.000-08:00

I'm sure everyone has been too busy to notice the lack of new information posted on my blog. Even if you did notice, you probably just thought the normal Christmas activity has kept me from my writing. Well, in some ways, you'd be right. But, unfortunately, we've had a lot more going on than that.

Claire woke up with a very high fever Tuesday morning. Even though it seems every family in Clinton is fighting sickness in some form, CMG was able to fit us in by 9:30. At that time, we found out that Claire has RSV. The good news is that we caught it early. Her symptom at that point was just the high fever. But, Dr. Russell assured us that the cough, yucky nose, and breathing trouble was on its way.

I also found out that RSV lasts 6 to 8 WEEKS. I did not know that. Of course, the worst of the sickness won't linger that long, and she won't be contagious that long. But, still, 6 to 8 weeks is a long time when thinking about being ill. Well, let me just be honest...it's a long time to think about dealing with a baby that is ill.

Things got interesting quickly. Tuesday night, Claire's fever shot up extremely high at about 7:00 and she had a seizure. She has done this once before, so I wasn't completely shocked. But, your child having a seizure is not something you ever get "o.k." watching.

We called 911 and rode in the ambulance to UMC. The doctors and nurses were extremely nice and very good. They took blood and urine, ran tests, and gave Claire a round of antibiotics. She did fabulous and we were in and out pretty quickly for an ER visit.

They are pretty sure that this was just another febrile seizure. Our doctor at CMG is out for the week. But, the doctor that we saw would like for us to go ahead and see a neurologist for scans. Emotionally, I can't really deal with that right now, so maybe I'll post more on that another day. Today, though, she is fine -- just a little whiny. Her fever is staying down finally. We are giving her Tylenol and Motrin around the clock. She is also getting an antihistamine/decongestant, oral steroid and breathing treatments. Yes, we are medicating all day long.

So that's what has been going on in our home. We've also been wrapping presents, delivering presents, watching preschool Christmas programs, attending field trips, planning Kindergarten Christmas parties, attending preschool Christmas parties, baking goodies and delivering goodies.

As school comes to an end today, I feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief. The crazy part of this holiday is behind us and we can slow down now. I no longer have the stress of getting the boys to school on time and getting gifts to teachers before they are gone for the holiday. But, the really amazing thing is that I have enjoyed it all.

I guess I'm kind of a "mommy nerd", because I have always looked forward to being the Mom that is able to do all the field trips and parties. So, even though all of these things added to the stress of Claire being sick, I completely enjoyed being able to do it. (Oh, and just so you don't think I had to drag Claire out on all of these ventures, I'm also thankful that Scotty's schedule is so flexible. He and Claire have been enjoying some quality time together at home.)

So, it looks like there will be no holiday travel for little Claire this year, and that is a little frustrating. But, I am going to try to enjoy tucking in and enjoying our home for the holidays. Maybe things got so frantic for me during this past week just so I could thoroughly enjoy slowing down -- or maybe even stopping.

I will share one Christmas thought that has struck me pretty hard this week. On Sunday, we were singing "O Come Let us Adore Him" in church. I was literally moved to tears over the thought of Christ coming as a baby. The whole idea is just so odd. He was The King, but He was a baby. He was God's Son.

I have felt very protective of Claire this week. Leaving her with anyone except Scotty has not been an option. The thought of handing her over to someone else while she is in somewhat of a fragile state would not be possible. But, God handed His son over to us in the most fragile of human conditions -- infancy. There is no other motivation that would move God to do such a thing -- His love for us.

Thank you to all of you that have checked on us this week. We have certainly felt loved in so many different ways. From the First Baptist staff member that almost beat us to the ER on Tuesday night to those of you that have brought meals to the offers to take the boys for the day, I have been completely overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness.

So, I hope the only excitement we will see now is that of Collin when he opens up all of this new costumes. Or, Caleb when he sees the Wii. But, if there is still drama associated with sickness, I just pray that God will gift us with more of the endurance we have felt from Him so far.

It's a miracle...

2008-12-11T18:38:00.000-08:00

Our first trip to visit Santa without tears since 2003 -- woo hoo!!!

It's beginning to FEEL a lot like Christmas

2008-12-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

I do it every year. I say I'm not going to get overwhelmed. I'm going to enjoy the holidays and be simplistic in all that we do.

We don't overdo the holidays by any stretch of the imagination. But, it doesn't matter. Before I know it, we're running frazzled in every direction and my "list" grows longer and longer by the second.

We were able to get the house decorated (inside and out) the Sunday after Thanksgiving. That was pretty amazing considering we drove in from Orlando on Saturday. MeMe & Pop brought Claire home on Sunday afternoon. I had decided that I would just wait until Mother's Day Out on Tuesday to begin decorating. But, by mid afternoon on Sunday, we couldn't wait any longer. And, as the busy week progressed, I was so glad that we didn't wait. It was such a great feeling to have something marked off the every growing list.

When Claire got home with MeMe & Pop, she only wanted to hug Caleb. They hugged like this for a good 5 minutes. Too sweet!!!

When I'm nominated for "mother of the year", this is the picture I will submit.

This week, I have written and re-written the gift list to make sure I haven't left anyone off. I am usually completely done with shopping by this time, and I haven't even begun yet. And, this list is only teacher gifts (for three kids!!), friends and family.

My Santa shopping is pretty pitiful. Actually, it's just sad, because I've done nothing.

Well, I take that back. Collin LOVES to dress up. He listed a couple of costumes that he would like to get for Christmas. One of those costumes is Batman.

Last week in Walmart, I walked past the clearance isle and just happened to notice a Batman cape, gloves, belt, etc. on sale. All of it was under twenty dollars, so needless to say I was pretty proud of myself.

I left for my trip to Hattiesburg with my purchases still in the back of the van. I figured it was safer there than anywhere in the house anyway.

BUT, on Monday, I had to run in Heather's to pick up Christmas cards. I instructed the boys to stay in their seat belts. I did not plan to be long.

Upon returning to the van, I found Collin out of his seat and sitting on the back seat with Caleb. I was a little frustrated that he hadn't obeyed. (Because of course he ALWAYS obeys me. )As I looked closer, they were each holding a piece of the Batman costume.

Now, for those of you that have trouble with Santa due to the fact that the story is just that -- a story requiring a small bit of dishonesty, you might not want to read on. No one in this house enjoys the magic of Santa more than me. AND, my Santa purchase was so inexpensive that I couldn't just let my find be wasted.

I explained to Caleb and Collin that the costume was going to be for them. BUT, since they did not obey, I just couldn't give it to them. So, I gave it to Heather to "give" to Luke and told the boys they could ask Santa for a Batman costume, because I wasn't buying another one. I wish you could have heard the screaming in the car.

Although I know that I will go to Heather's later in the week, get the costume, put it in a new box and wrap it up from Santa, Collin's broken heart was still difficult to handle. I was pretty happy with myself for the quick save. Now, if anyone has a suggestion as to how I will handle the boys wanting to play with the costume that we gave Luke next time we visit, I'd love to hear it.

Gifts, lists and schedules aside, Christmas is the most wonderful holiday. Because in celebrating the birth of the baby, Jesus, we recognize the beginning of the greatest rescue plan ever. God's great determination to reconcile us to Himself meant that Jesus had to leave Heaven. He had to come and join in our humanity (in the most helpless state of humanity) in order to save all mankind. That is more than enough of a reason for me to slow down this season (and all seasons, really) and to appreciate this life that cost my Heavenly Father so very much.

I still have a couple of weeks to work on that.

S.L.A.M. Goes to Hattiesburg

2008-12-07T18:02:00.000-08:00

I am tired, but I feel refreshed. A S.L.A.M. weekend always leaves me feeling this way. The four of us always laugh so much, stay up too late and eat too much. But, I come away from our time together encouraged and grateful. Sometimes, I even wonder how I was blessed with these great friends.

So many of you have been praying for Stephanie regularly, so I just want to say that she is doing well. Her new house is beautiful and completely decorated for Christmas. But, what is even more amazing is that her heart continues to be strengthened by her Heavenly Father. Just when I think she can't possibly demonstrate any more of His strength and power, she proves me wrong.

I will admit that when Stephanie's tragedy began to unfold, I was sad that I do not live close by so that I could help her. I have even been jealous to hear about how some of her friends in Hattiesburg have been a help to her on a daily basis. I want to be that close in proximity. I want to be the occasional rescuer.

But, tonight, I feel grateful for our absence from her daily life. It feels almost like we are able to be even more of a retreat for her due to the fact that we aren't associated with all that has gone on in Hattiesburg since January. I am so thankful for the way God has blessed our friendship.

As we sat around Steph's kitchen table last night, I experienced what it means to "weep with those who weep". That is all we could do as Stephanie talked about the struggles she faces in Jason's absence. It was so frustrating to have NO words of wisdom -- there were only tears. But, I was also completely encouraged knowing that these three will also be there when I am the one experiencing tragedy.

So, I was reminded this weekend that we were never intended to "do" life alone. Our God is a relational God, and He created us as relational people. Our first relationship should be with Him, our Creator and Sustainer. But, secondly we have people to lean on when life gets hard.

Now, for those of you that would like something specific to add to your prayer list, I have a few for you. Stephanie has already survived many firsts (her birthday, Jason's birthday, Thanksgiving, etc.) Their oldest daughter, Anna Lea, will celebrate her birthday on December 21st. She will be 7, AND she is going to be baptized that day. Obviously, this will be a happy day, but it is just going to be difficult. Then, there's Christmas. It seems like too much to bear, but my God has proven faithful to sweet Stephanie so far, and I don't imagine He's going to forget to be faithful now. Join me as I pray for these two events.

And, follow Steph's blog as I am sure she will be bragging on God's faithfulness as it concerns to the two events I listed above. I've never known her to be much of a bragger before, but she does love to brag on all that God is doing for her now. And, I love it!

As promised...

2008-12-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

I know there are lots of pictures, but you should see how many I left out!!!

The Most Magical Place on Earth...

2008-12-01T08:04:00.000-08:00

Well, we're home and Disney World was fabulous. There is no way that I would ever be able to tell about all of the fun. But, I will load pictures soon and share with you.

As we began our trip on Sunday afternoon, I realized that this was our first real vacation as a family. We have been on several small trips together. We have also been on some larger/longer trips, but we have always been with extended family. Our children love to travel and all of these vacations have been wonderful. But, it was very special to share this with our children all by ourselves.

We picked a pretty busy week to visit the parks, so I was VERY thankful for Tour Guide Mike's suggestions. He advised to be at each park 30 minutes before it opened. Then, we were to do all of the attractions that normally have long lines first. He was so right, and by the first afternoon, I was very thankful for our early risers (I never thought I would say that).

On Wednesday, we did Magic Kingdom. The park opened at 9:00. By 10:00, we had done Dumbo, Peter Pan, Winnie the Pooh, Snow White and It's a Small World. If you have ever been to Magic Kingdom, you know that is just amazing -- busy season or not.

Wednesday evening, we ate at Chef Mickey's. The food was good. But, our reason for going was that Mickey, Minnie, Donald Duck, Goofy and Pluto make visits to each table while you eat. If you have read previous posts, you know that this was an "ify" situation for Collin. He REALLY tried to be brave. He talked big leading up to our being seated. He was going to give Mickey a high five. :)

It was all too much, though, and as soon as Donald Duck looked our way, Collin was UNDER the table. Literally! I am not making this up. We had to put his plate and drink under the table and feed him like a dog.

Earlier in the day, Caleb had been too afraid to ride the Goofy roller coaster (it has 1 minor hill and lasts about 20 seconds). So, the one benefit of our traumatic dinner was that Caleb had a little confidence boost, because he was the brave one this time.

Our second trauma happened on Thanksgiving morning at Animal Kingdom. Collin bought a Buzz Lightyear costume (all he wanted from Disney World) Wednesday night. After purchasing it, he did not take it off for the remainder of the trip . So, Thursday morning at Animal Kingdom, he was Buzz Lightyear.

We were walking through the Jungle Trek, and he saw a bench he wanted to jump from while saying "To infinity and beyond." His dad thought it would be great to try to get a picture of him in the air like he (Buzz) was flying. I'm sure you see where this is going.

Soon into the process, Caleb joins in the fun. However, Collin decided to quit and began walking right as Caleb jumped. And, somehow, Collin landed -- face in the concrete -- with Caleb on his head. The one benefit from this traumatic experience is that we now know where First Aid is at Animal Kingdom. No doubt, we'll need it again.

All in all, we had such a great time. The weather was perfect. The kids were (taking into account very late nights and no naps) perfect. And, amazingly, our drive both ways was pretty perfect.

I am already looking forward to taking Claire for her first magical trip. And, by the way, she had her own fabulous vacation to Sassy's. I'll share about her visit in another blog.

Be looking for pictures. Hopefully, it won't take me too long.

Consider Yourself Warned!

2008-11-22T18:55:00.000-08:00

As I stated earlier, Collin created an entire indian costume in preschool this week. The Pow Wow was on Thursday, but he insisted on wearing it all again on Friday.

After preschool, we met Heather and Logan at Mazzio's for lunch. A very sweet, elderly woman was watching Collin and me as we moved through the restaurant. She was grinning ear to ear as we passed her, and she said, "what a cute little indian."

Collin stopped immediately, turned around and said, "I'M NOT CUTE. I'M AWESOME!"

Thank goodness this lovely lady had a sense of humor. She was also quick. Because, without even stuttering, she begged for forgiveness and told him he was awesome.

With slight eye rolling, Collin turned and headed to our table with a very confident look on his face. Obviously, he felt sure that his discipline had been productive and this woman would not make the same mistake again.

I tell you this story so that you will learn from her honest mistake. Please do not call my very cute three year old "cute". You can probably handle his attempt at authority, but there's only so many embarrassing moments one mother can take.

Happy Thanksgiving! Due to the fact that I will not be able to use this week to decorate our home for Christmas, I decided to go ahead and decorate my blog.

Oh, and let me update you on our Mickey Mouse viewing status. Collin does want to "see" Mickey, but I am to inform Mickey not to "touch" Collin. And, he will take no pictures with Mickey. Well, at least the situation is improving. Be on the lookout for Disney pictures WITHOUT Mickey Mouse. WHATEVER!!!

Thanksgiving Fun

2008-11-21T08:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was so eventful that I just had to sit down this morning and write about it. Sometimes, it seems that Thanksgiving just gets completely overlooked due to the fun of Halloween and Christmas. I don't feel like we've overlooked it this year, though.

First Baptist Clinton had the Preschool Pow Wow Thursday morning. Collin was very excited about it. He has been singing the songs for me all week. His teacher gave him the name, Swift Horse, so that's what we called him all day.

I had to be at the school early, because there were many activities prior to the actual Pow Wow. There were drums, headbands, and and necklaces to be made. Oh, and war paint had to be applied. The kids all had a fun time. And, as they lined up, parents moved over to the gym.

Let me just pause here to say that Collin had been having a blast. He was in full Collin form and ready to perform.

So, you can imagine my surprise as the "indians" began their procession into the gym. They were all in a line and moving through the gym in a circle while beating on their drums. Very Cute! Except that there seemed to be one child who was VERY upset and crying at the top of his lungs while screaming for his mom.

Yes, you guessed it. That would be Collin. The same well adjusted, easy going Collin that I spoke of in an earlier post. Once he saw me, he came out of the line and walked over to sit with me (just in case I was trying to act like it wasn't my child that was the distraction). His teacher came and got him and stayed with him. She even sat down on his mat with him. I was pretty sure all was lost, and I was going to have to go and rescue him.

But, after two very short songs, he pulled it together. He even did the hand movements with all of the songs (which Caleb NEVER does) and a little pow wow jig with one of the last numbers.

Whew, glad that's over!

Caleb had a friend come over after school. They were so impressed with Collin's indian attire that they all dressed up and went out back to play indians. They had a blast and Claire was right there with them. I was inside working and cleaning and checking on them frequently. One time I stepped out and she had climbed up into the trampoline. (Grandparents, I was only inside for a moment. She wouldn't have been in there long without me.) She thought she was so big. And, I had a picture, but it won't upload. :(

Scotty came home and had to take us to dinner for HIS birthday. He left this morning to go hunt with his dad. Scotty's birthday is Saturday and the only thing he wanted was to go hunt before our trip. I apparently took him literally, because that is the only thing he got. I didn't even pull supper together.

But, in my defense, I was trying to make turkey cookies for Caleb's Kindergarten class. I wish I could show you what they were supposed to look like so that you can see the struggle that I had. But, I asked Caleb what it looked like and he said, "a turkey". That was good enough for me.

I assure you this isn't what they were supposed to look like!

And just so Scotty wouldn't feel completely left out, I made him a kindergarten version of a birthday cake. He was a good sport. Especially since he would never be forgiven if he pulled a stunt like this on MY BIRTHDAY. :)

It's o.k. for you to feel sorry for him. I do, too.

So, we're really off to Disney on Sunday. I know we are going to have a blast. Collin told me this morning that he did want to go to Disney, but he didn't want to see Mickey Mouse. Is he trying to make me CRAZY?!

Mickey Mouse, Here We Come!!!

2008-11-17T19:46:00.001-08:00

It has been such a long time since I posted anything about my family. I promise my children have still been saying funny things and doing CRAZY things. But, I just haven't taken the time to sit down and write about it.

"Why?"

Well, because all of my computer time lately has been spent with Tour Guide Mike. I recently heard about this website. For a small fee, I gained access to the experience of this long time Disney tour guide. You would not believe the information at this site. He tells you EVERYTHING you need to know about Disney World. We are going at a very busy time of year (as if there's a non-busy time of year at Disney), so he tells you when to visit each park to avoid the huge crowds. He even tells you what time of day to visit each attraction, where to stand for parades/fireworks, and which rides to fast pass and when. Amazing!!

I have been just a bit overwhelmed. I've printed my own little Disney book complete with all the information necessary for a perfect vacation. And, luckily, I will have plenty of time to read it as we DRIVE to Orlando. The budget just doesn't allow for 4 flights this year.

The boys are pretty excited about the trip, but I might be a little bit more excited. I just LOVE Disney World. But, at 5 and 3, the boys are at perfect ages to enjoy the magic. (Claire will be going with MeMe Janet and Pop to visit Sassy.)

So, next time I post, hopefully it will be with some beautiful pictures and a few funny stories. But, for now, it's back to planning for me.

Happy Birthday, Sassy!!!

2008-11-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

Just a short post tonight to say, "Happy Birthday" to my sister.

My kids call Alyson, "Sassy", because I taught them to. When Alyson was little, my parents say that she called herself Sassy. That was her version of Alyson. So, when we started thinking about what Caleb would call her, I immediately thought of Sassy. It fits -- she's pretty sassy.

Alyson is one of those people who NEVER forgets a birthday. My card & package always come several days early just to sit until the day that I can open them.

I, on the other hand, usually have to call her mid-day on her birthday to say, "happy birthday" and then make sure I have a gift the next time that I see her. I wish I could blame this on the fact that she doesn't have kids yet. BUT, I didn't do any better prior to the three C's.

So, I'm hoping that a "Happy Birthday" shout in blogger world will make up for my inability to properly plan for such a special day. Hope your day is GREAT, sis. I love you.

Also, please pray for my friend Stephanie. Wednesday, November 12th, is Jason's birthday. And, while I know that every day since his diagnosis has been difficult, Wednesday will be especially hard. So, say a prayer for Stephanie, Jason's parents (Jon Mark & Peggy) and his brother, Brad. God is good. And, I am praying that Wednesday will bring a perfect reminder of God's sovereignty, care and love even in this great loss.

The Amazing Collin

2008-11-03T19:52:00.000-08:00

I made a reference to Collin's new school on a previous post. So, I wanted to update you on what has been going on in Collin's world.

He began preschool this year at First United Methodist Preschool which is where Caleb went to preschool. He had Ms. Linda G ("GG") which is who Caleb had. We LOVE her. I am very attached to FUMC. They do a wonderful job with the children, and Ms. GG is just the perfect "first teacher" for any child to have.

Once Scotty became the interim preschool minister at FBC, Clinton, I began to think about the possibility of moving Collin to our home church. After asking questions, visiting the preschool and asking more questions, we found out that staff members receive a pretty significant discount on preschool tuition.

I cried over the decision but it was an obvious one. At this point, our decisions are pretty much directed by the financial situation which is; cheaper is always better.

Now, I know that FBC has a wonderful preschool program, and we love the church. But, my trouble in making the move was that I HATE CHANGE! We know the program at FUMC. We know the teachers. They know us.

However, in typical "Collin" fashion, he made the transition beautifully. He went for sort of a preview day on Friday and acted as if he'd been there all year.

When I went to picked him up, the director had a very funny story. At lunch time, she overheard a couple of the older boys in line talking about how they needed to hurry to get to lunch so they could eat with Collin. Priceless. He is the life of the party, and he takes that party everywhere he goes.

He is "the amazing Collin". He is full of surprises and such a joy. He has the ability to take every situation and make it as positive as he possibly can. Earlier today, Scotty and I were discussing which one of us passed on that trait. We thought long and hard and are pretty sure he got that one from His Heavenly Father. Neither one of us can take credit.

The program at FBC is a five day program, so I took him to school this morning. Right after he woke up, he started to get a little weepy about going. But, once he was awake, cowboy boots and hat on, he was ready to go. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I had to say a little prayer of thanksgiving for the gift of Collin. He's pretty amazing!!!

Now, go vote, people!!

A Girl and Her Shoes

2008-11-02T13:18:00.001-08:00

I know two posts in two days is unusual for me, but I just had to write about our trip to the shoe store yesterday.

I can vividly remember buying Sunday shoes as a child. Actually, I can remember buying any kind of shoes. I LOVED it. Really, I still do. I don't know if that is simply a trait characteristic of all girls or if my little girl just inherited it from me. But, she truly enjoyed shoe shopping yesterday.

Thanks to Dee Dee and Amy, we don't have to go clothes shopping very often. Claire has more clothes hanging in her closet than she will ever be able to wear. So, each season, I go through all of the clothes and shoes and fill in where needed. She has needed some white Sunday shoes for a few Sundays now; and, today, she had them. Aren't they precious!

The most precious thing, though, was the way Claire acted while trying on shoes. She sat right down in the floor as soon as they came out of the box like she knew exactly what she was doing. She walked around in the shoes once we put them on. Then, at home, she wanted the shoes back on. Honestly, she acted like she was showing them off to anyone that would pay attention to her (which is every single person who lives in our home).

I gave her some Benadryl before her nap, because she has a pretty runny nose. So, even after waking up, she was still groggy. But, as soon as she saw her shoes on the counter, she started pointing and making her "Claire" sound letting me know she wanted the shoes. She wore them until bath time, during which time, I hid the shoes.

I'll leave you with pictures of Claire ready for church this morning. I'm just warning you, though. This just might be the cutest thing you will see all week...even with a busted up face! :)

What a Fabulous Halloween!!!

2008-11-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

Yes! We have broken the horrible Halloween spell. Aside from a few bumps & bruises, our week went off without a hitch.

Before I start, when I say "bumps and bruises", this is what I mean:

Friday morning, a friend rear ended me on my way back from taking Caleb to Clinton Park. Later in the day, Collin opened the gate on the deck to let Claire into the back yard. What a gentleman! Only, she doesn't know how to get down those stairs yet. She took a tumble. Both accidents could have been much worse than they were. So, I'm thinking Halloween this year was a success.

Busy doesn't quite seem to adequately describe our week. Most days, we were rushing from one thing to the other. Both boys had soccer Monday night and Tuesday night. Halloween began very early Wednesday with Collin's costume carnival at his preschool and remained in full gear until mid-morning on Friday.

Wednesday evening, we had our church carnival which I thought was very well done. The boys had a great time -- all three of my boys had a great time. Scotty spent the last 20 minutes or so in the dunking booth and was dunked many times -- three of which by his own boys. Even Collin managed to get the ball to the bull's eye. The Ninjas had good aim.

Our mayor changed Clinton's trick-or-treat night to Thursday rather than Friday due to Clinton's homecoming. One of Scotty's fellow staff members at FBC invited us over for supper and a hay ride. So, after attending the Homecoming parade Thursday afternoon, we set out for Mr. Jim's house for Halloween. I'm pretty sure I had as much fun as the kids.

His neighborhood is apparently THE neighborhood for trick-or-treating. Even though I have lived in Clinton for 15 years, I did not know about this fact. The streets were lined with families just like I remember Halloween as a kid. Since our children were born, we always joined in the fun at the local church carnivals because it seemed that is what everyone was doing. But, honestly, I did so with a little bit of frustration, because I missed good, old fashioned Halloween. So, needless to say, as we rode through Old Vineyard in our very own hay ride, I was happy to see Halloween making a come back.

On Friday morning, I went to Caleb's school to do his class Halloween party. He has a wonderful teacher who has this kindergarten thing down to an art, so my job was pretty easy. Scotty took Collin to his new preschool for trunk-or-treating.

In case you've lost count, we attended 6 different events where candy was being handed out. We are loaded down. And, if I don't quit hitting the candy stash after the kids have gone to bed, it's not going to last more than a week.

Last night, we enjoyed a quiet night at home and it was quite nice after being on the run all week. I bought the game, Perfection, at Walmart while I was shopping yesterday. I also bought a discounted cake (because we NEEDED more sugar) that was decorated like Frankenstein. We had a family Halloween party and all children were asleep by 7:30. PERFECTION!!

I know that there are different opinions of Halloween and that is fine. But, for us, it was a week of fun, friends and family. I had to pause several times during all of it to be thankful for such gifts. So, for me, Halloween is what we make it. And, I was glad to see my children get to enjoy one of my fondest childhood memories.

"The earth is the LORD's and everything in it." Psalm24:1

A Halloween for the History Books

2008-10-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

Long time, no post. Right?

We were actually 2 children short this weekend. My mom took Collin and Claire to spend the weekend in Baton Rouge. Originally, I was going to sell for Grace Notes. Although there was a change in plans, Mom still wanted to keep the kids. Collin was SO excited about going. I think they both had a great time, and Claire came home making "sweet eyes".

We should have been well rested having an only child all weekend, but you know better than that. We took full advantage of being able to do things with Caleb that we are unable to do with three children. From Friday until Sunday, we; had John David over to spend the night, spent entirely too much money at Gattitown, watched two soccer games, saw High School Musical 3 (EXCELLENT!!!) and ate at Bonsai.

Our family was reunited on Monday just as a very hectic week was beginning. I've just decided that all of my weeks are going to be hectic for many years now. Having three children means that the children outnumber the parents, and there are certain times that I really FEEL outnumbered; meal time, bedtime, sporting events (when more than one play), and, apparently, HALLOWEEN.

WOW. Parties for each classroom, a costume for each child, field trips to the pumpkin patch, carnivals for church, carnivals for school -- there is not enough money in our bank account or time in the day for such adventures. I'm sure none of the room mothers for any of my classes at Northside would ever read my posts. But, if you do, you made all of this Mom stuff look a whole lot easier than it is. I'm having a lot of fun. I just thought it would be a little more glamorous than it really is. Who knew that buying two Ninja costumes that have 5 ties each (belt, 2 arm ties, 2 leg ties) just might be the one event that sends me back to my medication. (It's still in the cabinet. I'm not taking any chances.)

This afternoon I was in the kitchen putting together Halloween buckets for Collin's class. He was eating lunch. He looked over and said, "Mom, you're making me very nervous."

I THINK he used the wrong word. But, I was moving at such a rapid pace that he may have been correct. I just said, "Me too, Collin."

As my nerves got more and more frayed, I kept remembering Halloween two years ago. I have smiled many times today just thinking about it. I am going to leave you with a summation of that night's events. Maybe you will smile, but mainly I want it in print just in case I ever forget it.

O.K., so Caleb was 3 and Collin was 1. Scotty was not participating in Halloween with us, because it was a Tuesday night and he had clients in Vicksburg. (If you're wondering if he regrets that decision, let me just say, I'm pretty sure he does.) Even though I was a single parent that night, my plans were big. We were going to visit my grandmother who was recovering from knee surgery in a nursing home, attend a local church carnival and return home where we could visit the Petrosino's very lit up house and pass out candy to trick-or -treaters.

Well, I was completely drenched in sweat after getting costumes on both boys. Caleb was a cowboy. His costume wasn't too difficult. Re-tucking his button up shirt so that his "cowboy" belt would show was his only complication. But, Collin, was a cowboy riding a horse. So, after dressing him like a cowboy, we had to step his legs into the back legs of a horse (I'm sure you've seen those costumes). As I said, he was 1, so however much time you think that would take, add about 30 minutes. I did all of this before realizing that a one year old can't ride in a car seat in a horse costume. The costume must come off only moments after getting it on. So there you go. Melt down #1.

I'm going to recap the night's events QUICKLY. Our nursing home visit went well until departure time when Collin (who was our very laid back child at that point) fell apart in the parking lot. I literally used every muscle in my body to buckle him back into the car seat to head to the next destination. (Are you with me? Horse costume off again only to be put back on again.) At MHBC, things would have gone very smoothly had no one else chosen to attend. You see, Caleb would wait patiently in lines. But, right about the time for his turn, Collin would take off to another event. I had to chase him; therefore, Caleb would have to leave his spot to come with me. We did that about 45 minutes and I couldn't take it anymore. I just remember feeling so guilty because Caleb couldn't do many activities even though he was so well behaved.

Well, we made it home. The Petrosinos were outside and there was a steady stream of carloads of kids coming to trick or treat, because their house was so lit up. This was actually the first year that we lived in this house, and I didn't know this many kids participated in trick-or-treating. The boys had a great time in the Petrosino's drive way, so I began visiting and just enjoying the night for the first time. It was starting to cool off, the excitement from all of the kids was contagious and the boys were entertained...finally. About 10 minutes into it, Collin begins screaming (SCREAMING!!!) We looked over, and he had touched one of the lights lining the flower beds. I'm sorry, he grabbed the lights burning four fingers on that hand.

We rushed home and I put ice and water on it, gave him Motrin and decided I just needed to get him ready for bed. But, again, poor Caleb was missing Halloween. We turned our porch light on and he handed out candy while I was dealing with Collin. Caleb thoroughly enjoyed this power. I was in the den with him but not really paying attention. After about 20 minutes, the candy was gone and Caleb was crying. I had not planned for so many trick-or-treaters OR for the large handfulls of candy Caleb was passing out. Halloween officially OVER!

We turned out the porch light and I did what any Mom would do with two crying babies after a night such as the one I just described. I joined them. It was about that time that Scotty called from the car on his way home. He was only about 15 minutes away. But, I'm pretty sure I gave him a blow by blow of the entire evening with screaming as accompaniment before he made it home. And, I assure you, I left nothing out.

So, as we prepare to go to our church carnival tonight, the first of several Halloween functions, I am praying for better results. If not, I'm sure I'll have a great story.

What Would You Remember?

2008-10-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months (10 to be exact), I have been thinking about death. I know that sounds morbid, so let me clarify. I am not living in fear of death. I wouldn't say it consumes my thoughts. But, some people who I am very close to have been hit with the reality of death. So, since January's news from a dear friend, a day doesn't go by without me taking in the "what if's" of this fragile life.

Our neighbor, Mr. Ralph, has been diagnosed with a very rare cancer. I can't even tell you what it is. His sweet wife, Jerri, showed me a slip of paper with the diagnosis written on it. I had never heard of it before. Within the past two months, he has become very ill. The round of chemo that was given to him at UMC did not work. Therefore, they will not do it again. He is currently in the hospital on medication to eliminate the pain and keep him comfortable. From what I have heard, he is not expected to come back home.

On a side note, when we first moved into this house, Caleb was 3 and he called Mr. Ralph -- "Mr. Rat". Then, when Collin began speaking clearly, he called him "Giraffe" -- I guess that's what it sounded like to him. No speech therapists needed, though. At 5 and 3, they both say it correctly now.

Since Mr. Ralph has been away from home, there are several things that I miss. I miss seeing him working in the garage/yard/etc. and yelling "Hey Amy" from his work.

I miss his smile as he carried on a conversation with us. Mr. Ralph likes to talk. :)

I miss how much the boys enjoyed talking to him and how patient he was with them.

But, most of all, we are missing the lights. The Petrosinos are known in Clinton for the MANY lights they put up at Halloween and Christmas. It just doesn't feel right that their yard is empty during October. Last weekend, they had a garage sale. I watched as the yard accessories that I have seen lit up for the past 3 years were carried away by others. And, the reality of his sickness set in. What an impact Mr. Ralph made by exhibiting some holiday cheer!

We all have the opportunity to make an impact on the lives that we touch. The truth is, as a believer, I should be impacting each and every life that I touch. Not by the words that I say but the life that I live. The joy and peace that comes from knowing that I was created by God out of His great love for me should be overflowing and evident.

So, why is the joy and peace not overflowing and evident? Here's my short list of probable causes for the "not so great" impact I make on most lives daily...

1. I get woken up entirely too early each day by a very demanding 5 year old.
2. I have to do more for three children prior to 8:00 a.m. each morning than I ever dreamed I would do in an entire day.
3. The whining!!!
4. Everyone in my family is hungry all of the time, and I am the "fixer" of that problem...apparently.
5. The whining!!!
6. Fighting/fussing children that need a referee more than a Mom.
7. Laundry that never ends.
8. A dishwasher that is ALWAYS full of clean dishes needing to be put up.
9. And, did I mention, the whining?!?

Now, that was a gripe session intended more for humor than anything else. Because, these are no reasons for my joy and my peace to be unseen.

What could be worse than all of these things I have listed? For any one of them to come to an end.

You see, what God has been teaching me since January is that ALL of life is a gift. The things I complain about today could be gone tomorrow and nothing I could do would bring them back.

I pray that God will continually teach me how to ENJOY Him daily through the gifts that He has blessed me with -- not in spite of them. And, I pray that enjoying Him will lead others in a search for the One who provides life in the only manner that truly works.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

When you think about it, pray with me for Mr. Ralph and his family. Pray for their peace during this difficult time. Also, pray specifically for Mr. Ralph -- that he would trust God completely with this life and the life to come. Scotty was able to visit with him in the hospital on Sunday. He told Ralph that we wanted him to fight and get better, but, if he wasn't able, Scotty told him to tell Jesus "hello" for him. What a sweet thought.

We love you, Mr. Ralph. We will never be the same after having known you. I pray that my life is as meaningful to those around me. You have been a blessing!

We LOVE the Beach!!!

2008-10-15T18:07:00.001-07:00

Update -- I edited this post, took out the LONG line of pictures, and inserted a slideshow. Thanks, Heather, for the help. I am most proud of myself!!!

My vacation was wonderful!

It seems that so many times, my expectations get the best of me. I plan how things will/should go; then, I am usually disappointed. However, this time, everything went just as I had hoped. Now, I do think that our trip was a great trip. But, mostly, I believe that three children (who shall remain nameless) have helped to lower my expectations. Therefore, I just enjoy things as they are. This gift is one of the many gifts they have given me.

First of all, Mom, Sassy (that's what my children call Alyson) and I had a blast in Canton. We left the house at 6:30 and did not leave Canton until around 4:00. We were hot and completely worn out but already looking forward to next year. Thanks to "G" and Medow who watched the three C's so that we could get an early start. Their daddy took some time off to manage them the rest of the day. He's the best!!!

I guess you see that Mom did not cooperate with Sassy's plan for all of us to match. She has always been a rebel!

Friday morning, we left for the beach after checking Caleb out of school. We made it in RECORD time. And by record, I mean the fewest traveled miles per hour in recorded history. We left Clinton around 11:00 and made it into Gulf Shores close to 6:00. So, roughly 7 hours in a mini van (key word being MINI) with three children. The first time Caleb asked, "are we there yet?" was around the Madison exit. He and Collin took turns asking that same question in approximately 3 minute intervals for the remainder of the trip. During the time that they were o.k. with the traveling, Claire turned red-faced and tried to bust out of her carseat -- LITERALLY.

I am exaggerating quite a bit -- not on the 7 hours, but on their behavior. They really did a great job. And, they were fabulous for the rest of the weekend.

I think, for me, I can get caught up in our daily routines. The things that I repeat regularly throughout the day; "stop fighting", "clean up", "stop saying bathroom words", etc. make me CRAZY. I begin to think that I am not being heard. But, in a different setting, they were the most obedient, easy going children. They made me very proud.

Claire absolutely LOVES the beach. I was expecting at least some hesitance to the water. After about 5 minutes of the water running over her toes, we were having to hold her out of the ocean. She was ready to ride the waves. It was hysterical, and we got many laughs from others on the beach.

The first thing we did upon arrival was go crab hunting. We were provided nets by the company we rented the condo from, and the boys were most excited about the hunting. I, however, wasn't, because the crabs scare me. They are way too fast. We needed Daddy for this activity, but Sassy did a pretty good job. We did come home with two hermit crabs (yes, two more living things in the MINI van for the ride home!!!), but they were bought from the "shark store". In reading the information provided, Sassy found out that the average life span of these hermit crabs is 11 years. I did not know this fact prior to purchasing the animals.

But, I feel quite certain Collin's crab is going to seriously lower the average. If not, these are the toughest animals ever. He took it to school Tuesday morning to show his friends. When I picked him up, he threw his bag into the van with the crab house in it. Poor, poor crab!! He was looking out for the crab's well-being, though. He told me immediately that his friends scared his crab because they were screaming too loud. His next comment..."boody-head friends". Collin's fans out there can really appreciate that comment. I'm sure you can even picture the face. So, a few more pictures of crab hunting, and I'll leave you until the next post.

I can't say enough about our wonderful trip. And, my words would not do it justice, so I'm giving you the pictures. I still can't make a slide show, so I'm sorry for the many pictures. But, the smiles tell it all.

I know this post was lengthy. If you read the whole thing, thanks for indulging me. I wanted to share much more. But, maybe another day.

Boasting in Weakness

2008-10-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I have no secrets, so I have to share this story.

Scotty and I had a bit of a "heated" discussion over the weekend. A much stronger adjective is needed, really, to describe the discussion. But, I can't think of the appropriate word; and, if I could, you would all probably start sending us the names of therapists. So, "heated" is best.

The deal is, we have just let the stresses of life take priority. We haven't gotten away and spent some time alone in a long time. That is not good for me, because I feel loved when my type A husband puts the work aside long enough to show ME that he cares. Scotty feels most loved when I encourage him with words of affirmation. But, you see, he hadn't been doing what I wanted him to do, so there were words coming out of my mouth. I just forgot the affirming part. And, there's the problem. We are in a cycle.

Well, I felt good about sharing all that I needed to share. And, I knew that we'd work it out, but on Sunday I really wasn't through pouting about this situation.

Here comes the funny part.

Sunday night, we are sitting in our newly formed small group at church. When I say newly formed, I mean FIRST meeting. We are sharing prayer requests. Four or five have been shared, and Scotty speaks up:

"Please pray for Amy and me. We are experiencing some 12 year marriage struggles..."

O.K. I don't know what else he says, because all I heard was that noise you hear in awkward situations in movies. It sounds like calm music playing on a record. Then the needle suddenly screeches across the record ending it total, unnerving silence. Are you with me? Can you feel my pain? I felt like I was wearing a mask and someone ripped it off of my face without any warning at all. (You know I'm exaggerating a bit, right?)

The group was very kind. And, I have to admit that it did show me he does truly care about us and our marriage. Also, we tend to put on "costumes" for church. We don't let others see that we don't always have it together. We want our small group to be a place where we are completely real with each other so that we really know each other. I just don't know that our group wanted to really KNOW us the first night.

Well, I shared that very long story to say that last night, Scotty and I were able to get away for a date night. I LOVE date night. We ate at Chili's and then went to see Fireproof.

If you have not seen this movie, please go see it. First of all, it's wonderful. The church that produced Facing the Giants did this movie too. It is just as powerful. Kirk Cameron did a fantastic job (as any former Growing Pains fan would agree). But, secondly, I love the fact that such a positive movie is doing so well in the box office. The gospel is shared several times in several different ways. It's just amazing.

So, date night was a success. We love our kids. But, they are kids. They require our full attention. We have to get away every now and then and do something for us.

I guess I've given my secret away. Things are not always perfect in the Rogers' house. We have struggles just like everyone else. If life were easy, if I didn't have the struggles, I would think I could do it on my own. But, the struggles are there, and life is hard.

We need strength that, humanly, we do not possess; and occasionally, we're brought to our knees by the awareness of our DEpendence on God. In my case, this awareness is usually ushered in by some humiliating experiences. Apparently, I have some pride issues God is working on as well.

I will leave you with the words of my new favorite song. The title is I Will Not Be Moved by Natalie Grant. There's a line in the middle that says... "my brokenness helps me to see, it's grace I'm standing on." It's through the brokenness that we can enjoy the grace. It's a gift.

"It is by grace that we are saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8

Happy Fall, Y'all!

2008-10-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

The closer it gets to the Fall season every year, the more I begin anticipating the Canton Flea Market. I love going and looking at the things offered by the MANY, different vendors. I especially enjoy eating the food. But, I mainly enjoy the company. Two years ago, my mom and sister came over for the flea market. We had such a good time, that we made it a tradition. We find great deals, eat good food, but mostly we just laugh.

Our tradition continues, though. On Friday morning, we will leave at lunch time headed for Gulf Shores with the kids. This will be the third year for us to do this. The boys have so much fun. And, although Claire was with us last year, at 3 months old, she didn't experience the beach. So, it will be interesting to see how she likes it.

Mom made the kids a construction paper chain with the same number of links as days until the trip. So, for about a month now, we have been cutting links and counting "sleeps" until our trip. I don't know who is more excited about the fact that there are only 5 more links/"sleeps" -- me or them.

So, Mom and Alyson, I can't wait for the trip. In case you aren't excited enough already, here are some of last year's memories. Can't wait to post this year's pics.

I'm so excited! My sister called as I was writing this post. She has found t-shirts for us to wear to Canton. We should be easy to spot since we'll look just alike, so maybe we'll see you there.

Thank God it's... MONDAY!!!

2008-09-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

Well, that's a phrase you don't hear too often isn't it? However, I am most happy that our weekend is over. We had an eventful, yet teary, weekend for sure. This post has the potential to be extremely long. So, I am just going to write in list form so that you can see how our weekend went. If you can get your hands on a recording of some screaming children to play in the background, that would really be helpful in getting the FULL effect.

1. Friday night, we made caramel apples together (Me, Caleb & Collin). I enjoy having caramel apples during the Fall and thought they would enjoy making them with me. It began with both boys crying because the caramel was sticky!! We were using the caramel that comes in sheets. You literally just LAY the caramel over the apple. But, somehow, Collin's ended up in one giant ball on the very top of his apple. So, he cried --screamed -- until I fixed it. The event progressed in similar fashion until the grand finale. As Caleb was putting the tray of apples into the oven, Collin decided to grab the oven rack. (This would be a good time to turn your recording of screaming children UP a few notches.) I began asking myself "why" I do these things to myself. Then, I remembered I wanted some good, Fall pictures. So, here they are.

Great Fall pics, huh!!

2. On Saturday, we played soccer in South Jackson. I was very excited about it, because Caleb is very fun to watch. Well, the SJ teams were a little tougher than our Clinton teams. Approximately 8 minutes into the game, Caleb came out crying. He stated that he wasn't going back in. He was just going to watch. "That team is too hard," he says. "I'm only playing the easy teams from now on." Now, I'm sure most of you can guess how Scotty and I handled this episode. Not well I can assure you. He was beyond frustrated and his logic was making me crazy. At this point I truly wanted to join in the crying/screaming myself. Finally, I told Caleb that he should just stop talking, because I was just getting more angry. (I know -- not very compassionate and motherly. The screaming just drowned it out.)

3. The weekend ended with a not so great confrontation with Scotty. Marriage struggles are always great right in the middle of child struggles. Lately, I have been thanking God for Jesus in the middle of HUGE life struggles like my friend, Stephanie, is facing. This weekend, I was reminded that I am so thankful for Jesus in the middle of just normal, family "stuff". "In this world, you will face troubles, but take heart, I (Jesus) have overcome the world."

There have to be so many other ways that God could have saved us all, rescued us and brought us back to Himslef. But, He chose to send Jesus right into this world -- the same world, with the same frustrations. I'm so thankful that He can relate. I'm also thankful that He reminded me right in the middle of a "not so great" weekend that these children are precious. And, I am grateful for every moment that I get to have with them (even the screaming ones).

And, surely I am due a great week after such a trying weekend. Oh, but maybe not. I just went to move clothes from the washer to the dryer and it looks like a pull-up got washed AGAIN!!!! If this has never happened to you, it is the biggest mess you've ever seen. I guess I better brace myself for more of the same. "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." Thank you, Jesus.

Oh, and I just have to throw in a picture of little Claire. She gets left out in my posts, because she is just so easy. She hasn't given us any really great stories, yet. So, this is what she looked like through most of the weekend's events. What an angel.

Life Lessons from Kindergarten

2008-09-25T17:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it happened today. I pulled up at Clinton Park, Caleb got into his seat and before I could ask about the day, he says, "I have a yellow light, for real." I looked at him to see if he was pulling another prank; and, clearly, he was not. His eyes were already filling with tears.

I guess I should back up. If you are not familiar with the happenings of a kindergarten classroom, you would not know that everyone starts on a green light each morning. The light can change as warnings are given for misbehavior. Before dismissal, the teacher places a colored dot on a calendar in each folder informing parents of how the day went. Up until today, Caleb's dot has been green. Not only that, he has been really proud of his green dot and eager to tell me of those whose lights have not been green -- those less fortunate children whose lights have been yellow, orange or even RED! which means they got 15 minutes of time out during playground time. If you've seen the playground at Clinton Park, you know this is surely major punishment.

But, today, Caleb's dot was yellow. He immediately began his story about how he and a friend were kicking under the table and the teacher saw them. They both had to change their light. I believe the word "mean" was used. And, he also said, "That's why I don't want to go to school anymore."

I assured him that we were going back to Kindergarten. But, as I asked more questions, Caleb says, "Well, Mom, I didn't think she could see me."

O.K. now we're getting somewhere. I wanted to pull off to the side of the road for this lesson. But, I adjusted the rear view mirror so he could see me and I could see him, and we had a little lesson on doing right even when no one is looking. (I hear you laughing at me, Alyson.) However, I secretly loved his answer. The honesty of a five year old is precious. Certainly if no one sees me doing wrong I'm not actually doing anything wrong.

We had a quick recovery, because today was also report card day. Our first report card; and, sadly, this former teacher was anxious all day to see it. He is just as brilliant as I suspected. And, his teacher had a few comments about how wonderful he is. I guess the comment section was completed prior to the kicking incident. So, I had my proud moment and we celebrated with ice cream.

Then, we came home to write an apology letter to Caleb's teacher. (Would any of you have expected anything less.) And, tomorrow, he will go back to his classroom where his light will miraculously be on green again, because every day holds the hope of doing things a little bit better than the day before. Another great lesson learned in Kindergarten.

A New Adventure

2008-09-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

Life in the Rogers' home has been changing throughout the summer. Scotty has been experiencing some changes with a few of his jobs. I am smiling as I write this, because, if you know us you know that Scotty has more than a few jobs. Anyway, there have been some changes and one of his jobs ended in June. Due to the fact that I stay home, changes in his job situation affect our finances greatly. He has been very faithful to trust that God will provide, and I am happy to report that He has. Scotty began as the interim Preschool Minister at FBC Clinton this week. We are very excited about this job. I think that Scotty's gifts in working with families and his specific training in family counseling make this job perfect for him. And, it is truly an answer to prayer.

Earlier this year, FBC Clinton was an answer to our prayer for a new church home. We have been pleasantly surprised at how quickly we have felt "at home" there. The staff was so quick to welcome us and our Sunday School class has been great. We were most impressed with how much they did for and with our children. So, I am very happy that this place was also God's answer to our prayer for a job for Scotty.

On Sunday nights, we fellowship with our Sunday School class (and all of our families). This past Sunday, we took supper into the gym. We let the kids play while the adults visited. Anyway, as I was eating my supper, Collin appeared doing his "pee pee dance". All of you parents, know exactly what I am talking about. I jumped into action, because I could tell by the amount of dancing going on that he had waited too late, and we needed to find a bathroom QUICKLY. Unfortunately, we made it into the bathroom, but we did not get pants down before the pee pee was coming out. EVERYWHERE. Collin was screaming, because this never happens. But, mainly, he just didn't want to go home.

My great friend, Heather, offered some shorts that belong to Logan, her 2 year old. I asked Collin if he wanted to wear the shorts and stay. Of course, the crying ended immediately and we put the shorts on and out he went -- completely oblivious to all of the snickers going on as he exited the bathroom. He is 3 years old and pretty big for his age. So, Logan's shorts were clearly too small. Not to mention the fact that there was no shirt.

Now, let me just say, if this had been Caleb, I would have had to hide in the bathroom with him until everyone had left. Then, smuggle him out of the bathroom so NO ONE could see. Collin is all about the fun. He doesn't mind being laughed at. Actually, he really enjoys it. And, believe it or not. He woke up Monday morning and the first thing he said was, "I want to wear Logan's clothes today." Maybe I shouldn't have made it a big deal, but we had quite the argument over why he was not wearing the too small shorts again.

Collin brings such life and laughter to our home. With the fun, he brings some embarrassing moments. I'm sure this is only the beginning. But, he's so much fun. I continue to be amazed at how different each of our children are. Being a Mom is so great. (Most of the time. :)

Baby Noah in a Basket & Moses in the Big Boat!!!

2008-09-17T16:58:00.000-07:00

On the way to school earlier this week, an interesting conversation was going on behind my head. We spend way too much time in the close quarters of our van early in the morning. Therefore, a wide variety of activities go on behind my head during that time. This morning, the discussion was spiritual in nature (my children are VERY advanced).

We have an awesome storyBible. Each night, the boys take turns picking a story, and this author does a remarkable job of re-telling the stories -- not just for kids, because I get a whole lot out of them too. But, this particular morning, I heard Caleb and Collin discussing one of the Bible stories we had read recently. Caleb was saying something about it being Baby Jesus in the basket, and I'm not sure the origin of this conversation. Collin was arguing that, "It was NOT!" By the way, that is generally how Collin responds to anything that Caleb says that early in the morning. He loves the response he gets from Caleb.

Rather than argue any more, Caleb says, "Mom, Collin said it wasn't Baby Jesus in the basket." I thought for a minute. Again, I'm not sure exactly what we are discussing. But, I said, "Well, Caleb, I don't remember Jesus being in a basket. We have read a story about Moses' sister putting him in a basket when he was a baby."

Caleb answers me, "Oh yeah." And, I think we are straight on our Bible trivia. Not quite. He then says, "Oh, and then, he grew up and got on the big boat?" Uh-oh. Where did I go wrong?

"No, Caleb." NOAH built the boat to prepare for the flood. I was a little concerned that we were headed for the cross since we did begin the conversation with Jesus. We did not go full circle, though. We ended with Noah.

It's difficult to know how much or how little of the Bible to discuss with our young children. This conversation is evidence to the fact that they can't really grasp all of it. If we're honest, we don't really grasp all of it, either. But, as I thought about that conversation later, I realized that there are many, many characters of study throughout the Bible. Each one of them has his/her own background, particular circumstance and encounter with God. I can see how it would be difficult to keep all of the details organized correctly. BUT, God, in each story is exactly the same.

And, it hit me. That is my job as their mother right now. To introduce them to the God that is to them exactly who He was to each person in the Bible. In every story, I want them to see God as their Father, the One who created them for a relationship with Himself. The God that knew we were going to mess it all up and devised our rescue mission before the first of His creation ever breathed a breath. For me, it doesn't matter so much that they get every detail of every story exactly right. It doesn't matter that they be able to recite hundreds of verses with reference following. I want them to KNOW the character of our God. I believe, in the long run, this knowledge will be far more effective in leading them to a relationship of dependence on their Heavenly Father. And, that is my prayer for each of them.

***Our wonderful Bible is called, The Jesus Storybook Bible. Caleb's best buddy John David was given one by his Aunt Casey. We have read through it several times and have given it to a couple of friends as a gift. If you are looking for a Children's Bible, it is a great one.

You Gotta Have Friends...

2008-09-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to come out and say it. If it sounds as if I am bragging, well... I am a little. I had a FABULOUS weekend. My weekend was spent with three of my closest friends. These friends have been friends for over half of my life. We've known each other since elementary school but have been great friends since junior high. Their names are Stephanie, Laney and Macy, and we called ourselves SLAM, each letter for the first initial of each of our names (before you cast judgement on the fact that we named ourselves, remember that we were in Jr. High).

We grew up in McComb, MS; however, three of us (Me, Macy and Stephanie) moved away by 11th grade. So, I realize that it is pretty amazing that they are still my very close friends. No doubt, we stayed so close, because Christ has always been the center of our relationship. We know that He brought us together at a perfect time in our lives and has sustained our relationship over the years so that we could encourage each other and lift each other up. We have been through a lot together. Our trials began immediately, I guess, with the normal peer pressure issues. It is much easier to make good choices in a group rather than all alone. I never stop thanking God for the strength I gained from these girls during that time. However, that was just the beginning. We've faced good times and bad since then and shared them all together. This summer, Stephanie's husband, Jason, died after a 7 month fight against leukemia. Stephanie has three beautiful children (ages 6, 3 and 7 months) that she is now parenting alone, and I would be lying if I said that I didn't regularly ask God, "Why?????" We haven't seen Stephanie since the funeral, so we were all looking forward to a weekend together.

I didn't really know what to expect. I got so emotional just waiting for them to arrive. But, let me just tell you we did a whole lot more laughing than crying. There were tears, sure. Sometimes I think about what Stephanie has to deal with on a day to day basis and my chest feels so heavy it is hard to breathe. But, God gave us the gift of laughter this weekend. We laughed at old stories (very old stories), we laughed at stories about our children, we laughed at humor on T.V.( Did anyone see the Sarah Palin/Hillary Clinton skit on SNL?), and we even laughed at some things that are just really not funny. Oh, and if you happen to read this and you are someone that knows us from Jr. High, we are still obnoxious! Laughter is good medicine. And, I love these friends.

There is really only one way that we are able to laugh in the middle of this very sad story. Jason was a believer, so we know where he is right now. By the way, Jason and Stephanie began dating in 11th grade, so he knew all of our stories and was such a good sport about laughing with us. I don't know what of Earth can be seen from Heaven, but if he could see us, I'm sure Jason laughed along with us. But, mainly we can laugh, because Christ has become Steph's very life through this ordeal. She is depending on Him more now than ever. So, it is through our TRUST in Him and His plans, that we move forward in the midst of great tragedy. Jesus said, "I have come that you may have LIFE and have it to the fullest." We experienced the fullness of life this weekend. And, I didn't want it to end.

Stephanie, Laney, Macy, I love you so much. I wish we could be assured that this is the end of our trials. Probably not. I will never stop thanking God for the gift that He has given me in you girls. To everyone else, if you have stuck with me -- I really tried not to be long-winded, experience the irony of life in the midst of death. Our world is FULL of struggles, darkness and death. And right in the center is Christ calling us to Himself where there is only LIFE. You don't have to wait for Heaven where these tragedies will be over. He gave us abundant life HERE. Receive the gift and live.

P.S. Many of my dear friends from Clinton were excited with me about the SLAM reunion. They thought about us and prayed for us during the weekend, and that made me feel very loved. And, thanks, Dee Dee, for Newk's chocolate cake. It was delicious!!

Initiation in the World of Blogging

2008-09-10T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm online. For months now, I have thoroughly enjoyed visiting many sites. I love reading about the lives of my friends and seeing pictures of those I don't get to see often. I even regularly visit sites of people I don't even know, but I have been encouraged by their journey. So, I'm joining you. I will try to use this site to update regularly about the happenings of the Rogers household. Should be interesting!

I titled my blog with one of my favorite verses. It has been a favorite verse for a while now. I honestly think the verse means so much to me, because food is so important to me. Seriously! I enjoy good food. I've know people who eat simply to sustain life. Taste is not important to them, they just eat to live. I wish that were the case with me. No, I enjoy the TASTE of food.

So, I can appreciate the word choice of the psalmist. For me, tasting is appreciating, enjoying, EXPERIENCING. The LORD is good whether we appreciate or not. He is good regardless of my enjoyment of Him. Sadly, He is good although some never experience it. I want to taste His goodness. In good times and bad, His love and goodness are evident. I don't want to miss it.

To the right, I have shared with you some of His goodness expressed towards me. I look forward to sharing more with you in the future. Until then, spend some time thinking about God's goodness. Let's enjoy Him, appreciate Him, experience ALL that He has to offer. It's what we were made for.